why are gay men just like teenage girls???

[dfwtheatreguy]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 12:32pm

why is the stereotype more true than not? we are judgemental, manipulative, petty and just plain mean - sometimes it feels like i am living in "mean girls" with penises.

oy!

[PalJoey]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 12:37pm

Remember, when you point your finger, there are three other fingers pointing back.

[dfwtheatreguy]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 12:38pm

no one is fingering me (unfortunately).

[DG]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 12:40pm

Like, OMG! Did you HEAR what that Bitch just SAID?!?!?

I am SO not letting him come near me, EVER! Like I'd let anyone who dresses like that near me in the first place.

[uncageg]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 12:40pm

Maybe you should change the title to "some gay men". I am gay and my friends and I don't fall into any of the categories you mentioned!

[iHeartMyGeek]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 12:40pm

'Kay, first off, I take offense at your generalization that all teenage girls are "judgemental, manipulative, petty and just plain mean". I am a teenage girl and while I can be those things at times I know a lot of people outside of my gender and age group that posseess those qualities equally, if not moreso, than I or any of my friends.

Secondly, don't stereotype. All human beings act that way at one point or another in their life, it's not just one specific group.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 12:43pm

The stereotype is not more true than not. I strongly suggest you seek out the work of author/activist Dave Nimmons for its ability to shift your perspective on such issues. It can be life-changing.

[DBillyP]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 12:49pm

Wow, namo, I am surprised to see someone else cite Nimmons. My boss swears by The Soul Beneath the Skin.

[uncageg]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 12:49pm

I know I will get flack for this, but dfw, those traits that you mentioned I find more prevelant in the younger gay community. Guys in their 20's. Mostly early 20's.

Ok...you can rip me apart now!

Updated On: 10/28/07 at 12:49 PM

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 12:55pm

I'm not going to rip you apart. I'm just going to gently point you in the direction of the book DBillP cites, and to tell you to let the younger generation off the hook.

Like everybody else, they grew up in a culture that generates cynicism. They also grew up with the fabulous role models of Will and Jack, who in the real world would have no reason to even be friends, since the majority of what they ever said to each other on that show was done so in the language of cruelty.

I also think you should give yourself a break. Instead of worrying about "how gay men are" or spending an inordinate amount of time on "how did gay men get to be so horrible?," it might feel better to ask, "what am I going to do to help make things better from this moment on?"

[uncageg]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 12:58pm

Oops! Namo, my sincere apologies. I was not paying attention and meant to direct that to the original poster. I will edit my post.

[folkyboy]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 1:21pm

"'Kay, first off, I take offense at your generalization"

apparently iHeartGeek is an African American Teenage Girl

[chris d]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 3:51pm

I'm gay and I'm like totally not like a teenage girl, okay??

[Chita1933]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 4:54pm

Manifest Love:
Our Mission Statement

We educate, support and inspire gay men to seek new ways of being with and for each other. We encourage gay men to understand and embody the best, most powerful and transformative values we bring to culture: non-violence, the brotherhood of deep friendship, sexual celebration, service and nurturance, new forms of intimacy with women, and pursuit of diverse forms of ecstatic union. We believe that different kinds of queer men, working together, can shape a more loving, affectionate, and affirming world, for ourselves and others. That's our mission. What's yours?



Manifest Love Homepage

Updated On: 10/28/07 at 04:54 PM

[artscallion]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 4:56pm

The Soul Beneath the Skin."

Just ordered it at Abebooks for $1.00

Does anyone remember the other book people were recommending here a few months ago about coming to terms with yourself as a gay man? I work with a kid who's having a rough time of it. People here were glowing about this particular book and I'd like to recommend it to him.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 5:08pm

Ugh, Chita, it might have been fun to let people go discover it on their own instead of leading the water to the horses, but whatever.

[Chita1933]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 5:08pm

This thread brings up some interesting thoughts. It seems that when I attack a gay man on the basis of his sexuality, I am engaging in a certain level of self hatred.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 5:11pm

Trying out new ways of looking at the world does not mean giving up critical thinking skills or, most importantly, suffering fools gladly.

[Chita1933]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 5:25pm

It was my way of contributing to the thread. It won't stop someone from digging deeper if they choose to do so.

Updated On: 10/28/07 at 05:25 PM

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 5:36pm

I'm reminded of Act Two, Scene Four of The Heidi Chronicles, where the title character lambasts the group of women in the locker room. I've always wondered how if the character realized how judgey she actually was, despite all her protestations to the contrary. With a little pronoun change it sounds like the same speech many a gay man has made when he realizes the gay community is never gonna be the big happy family he thought it would.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't wear leather pants. I'm sorry I don't eat brown rice. I'm sorry I don't want to stand naked and discuss Zeus sneakers. I'm sorry I don't want you to find out that I'm worthless. And superior. I'm embarrassed - no, humiliated in front of every woman in that room. I'm envying women I don't even know. I'm envying women I don't even like...

I don't blame the ladies in the locker room for how I feel. We're all concerned, intelligent, good women. I don't blame any of us. It's just that I feel stranded. And I thought the whole point was that we wouldn't feel stranded. I thought the point was that we were all in this together.

[DG]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 5:42pm

"With a little pronoun change"

I'd also change 'locker room' to 'steam room'

[Jane2]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 5:43pm

Phyllis, that was very interesting. Perhaps it all boils down to "every man is an island."

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 5:47pm

I never go in the steam room. I broke the stereotype.

And for the record, I can be judgemental, manipulative, petty and just plain mean. I can also be kind, generous and warm. Neither set of traits has much to do with the fact that I'm gay.

ETA: Thanks, Jane. The man thrust of that speech comes when Heidi realizes that she doesn't have to compete with the other women in the locker room. I think that's the a lesson that anyone, gay or straight, should learn as soon as possible.

Updated On: 10/28/07 at 05:47 PM

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 5:51pm

Check out the Nimmons work, Phyl'. He goes over the parts of the story that get left out of the traditional narrative we all usually stick to. There are some delightfully surprising statistics in there.

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 10/28/07 at 5:57pm

It's already on my to-read list!