Are we (fans) talked about by Broadway performers?- Page 5

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 8/28/06 at 10:24pm

Wow, Hamlet, your b/f is harsh! Harmless flirting on a message board.

I look way more than 14.

[thespian geek]

Posted: 8/28/06 at 10:26pm

I would NEVER refer to an actor as a "friend" unless it came from their mouth first. And even then, it takes a lot more than conversing at stagedoor (and even away from the theatre if that happens) to make anyone your friend, I think.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 8/28/06 at 10:27pm

Right, exactly. In the example in my other post, I wouldn't use the term until I knew he was using it, too.

[JACXR71]

Posted: 8/28/06 at 10:28pm

I think it's a very case-specific distinction. Unfortunately, there's no textbook definition, and a lot of times one person will feel it completely appropriate, while the other will not. I think it just has to "feel right" to both parties, which of course is impossible to pinpoint.

An interesting read: "Being a fan and having a true friendship--can the two co-exist?--a discussion"
https://forum.broadwayworld.com/readmessage.cfm?boardname=off&thread=865105

Not exactly what we're talking about here, but some very good points being made...

[MOXIEINTHECITY]

Posted: 8/28/06 at 10:47pm

I find a huge, huge, HUGE overuse of the term "friend" in this kind of situation

Sing it, sister.

I think the main point that many people don't often get is that actors/public figures kind of have to be nice to people unless it's a situation where it's clear that the person has done something inappropriate. And some actors are smart enough to realize when they have an evangelist on their side. Someone who will spread the good word about them. I know that sounds calculating and it is to some degree. But, to bring it back to the original analogy.....it's just business. Word of Mouth, baby. It's the best kind of marketing there is. It's phony to some degree, but it's a necessary evil, regardles sof the product being sold whether it's a CD or a can of soup or an actor.

The confusiuon comes in when people don't pick up on the subtle signs. Signs like....if you didn't e-mail them, would they ever e-mail you? If you didn't go to the stage door, would they make an effort to see you outside of one of their shows? If you saw them out one night, would they make it a point to come over and say hello or would you have to approach them?

It's not what these actors say, it's how they say it. And I don't think some people make that distinction. Some take any kind of contact as an expression of interest or as an indication of familiarity. I used this example before, and I'll use it again. When I met Michael Cerveris, I was very obviously getting the "you're a fan, I have to be Michael Cervis, not Mike Cerveris" exchange. (I have no idea if he goes by Mike, I'm just trying to make a distinction.) His voice went up a bit, his body language changed. I didn't expect a soft shoe tap dance, but I was definitely disappointed by what was obviously his "me actor/you fan" demeanor. Now, my expectation there was out of whack. But it made me very aware of that line of distance he keeps. That's why, when people talk like they know him and defend him vehemently, I get irritated. None of us "know" these actors, and that's probably how he (and they) likes it. He keeps things impersonal, but amicable.

[jimnysf]

Posted: 8/28/06 at 10:56pm

I slept with the entire cast of a certain vampire musical. Male and Female. They will never forget me! When I tried to leave, they sang "I Want More!" but I had to catch the Muni back to my apartment. Oh, they were such rascals. Talk about your Crimson Kisses.

Posted: 8/28/06 at 10:58pm

"I slept with the entire cast of a certain vampire musical. Male and Female. They will never forget me! When I tried to leave, they sang "I Want More!" but I had to catch the Muni back to my apartment. Oh, they were such rascals. Talk about your Crimson Kisses. "

Oh my god. That's hysterical, yet terrible at the same time.

[jimnysf]

Posted: 8/28/06 at 11:02pm

They even gave me a copy of that much sought after CD.

Posted: 8/28/06 at 11:05pm

To me, I feel the actors are people there doing their job and when they take the time to sign or take pictures with someone, thats part of their job {not an official part, but a part.} I email some actors and they respond, would I call that a friendship- no, I would call it answering fan mail. True sometimes the actor responds to my personal questions and if they saw me and i mention it they'd recongize me but, i wouldnt call it a friendship. I would never put the word "friend" or "friendship" in the same sentence of an actor and a fan situtation. you're the fan, not the best friend. their an actor, not you're best friend.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 8/28/06 at 11:16pm

Right, that's what I mean. People are like "oh, I'm friends with so-and-so" if they're friendly at the stage door -- and these are people who are friendly with EVERYBODY. Though I have a personal repoire with several, the two actors (one very well known, the other not as much) who I do consider to be my friends will both e-mail me unsolicited, and invite me to spend time with them. They've introduced me to other friends of theirs as a friend, as well. Until things like that began to happen, I never would have called them any more than acquaintences. There's a very palpable bond and a lot of trust and mutual respect there that goes way beyond "dude, I love your show!"

Updated On: 8/28/06 at 11:16 PM

Posted: 8/28/06 at 11:22pm

I'm assuming LuvTheEmcee that you've built a trust level that most people who make these claims have not and it must be terrible for you to watch people make claims as to being friends with a certain actor or actress.

If I ever were to forunate to achieve that type of trust with an actor or actress, i feel that you shouldn't go around bragging about it. I personally applaud the people who've posted on here about their relationships with actors and have them remain anonymus, proof they are worthy of the trust level they have recieved.

Updated On: 8/28/06 at 11:22 PM

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 8/28/06 at 11:28pm

It irks me a little, but, whatever -- people are gonna do stuff that's annoying, and you just kind of let it roll off your back. I mean, I think I've become confident enough in what I'm dealing with not to let people overusing the idea of a true friendship make me question that. (Ironically, a lot of it was built on the internet.)

Frankly, I don't talk about it a lot (and have never posted about it without anonymity) because I just don't want to deal with what would go on if I dropped a name, aside from the fact that I hate name-droppers. :P

[wickedrentq]

Posted: 8/28/06 at 11:54pm

There is one thing that's bothering me about this whole discussion. I agree with everything that's being said, especially about friends and stuff (though in fairness, really the word friend is overused in society when you think about it), but...I think it's being too general.

Though perhaps rare, I honestly believe there are actors who truly enjoy interacting and developing...acquainted? relationships with the fans. In his DRS farewell speech, Greg Jbara, in talking about how much he missed Broadway for years, went on to say the best part about it, the reason he loves being an actor, is the interaction with "you." Some actors are so passionate about some of their work that they love hearing fans talk about how it changed their lives. I don't believe every single actor has to have that distance, if he/she is smart and experienced.

I mean, at a typical stage door actors sign, smile, take pics, answer questions...but then maybe you get the one actor who starts conversations himself...asks you where you from and stands there talking to you for 20 minutes, doing more to have the conversation then you are. Some people who, even though they don't call their fans or go out with their fans, enjoy e-mailing their fans and ask you about things in your life, and there is real sincerity. In the whole community, this is rare. But it does exist.

I think often, when both parties understand it's not a true friendship and understand lines, an actor and a fan can develop a mutual benefitting relationship.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 8/29/06 at 12:07am

the reason he loves being an actor, is the interaction with "you."

Is that necessarily about meeting fans at the stage door, though? There is so, so much more to the actor/audience connection than that, especially in the theater. Being an actor means you can reach out to people -- being an actor on stage means you can reach out to people who are actually in the room with you, experiencing the story you're telling in real time. You're giving them something and they're giving something back. I think that's what he meant. It's not all about the autographs.

[MOXIEINTHECITY]

Posted: 8/29/06 at 12:18am

Greg Jbara, in talking about how much he missed Broadway for years, went on to say the best part about it, the reason he loves being an actor, is the interaction with "you." Some actors are so passionate about some of their work that they love hearing fans talk about how it changed their lives.

Yeah but...don't you think that has more to do with vanity than anything else? I mean...they're actors. I'm sure they love what they do and love interacting/meeting fans but......come on.....who doesn't love hearing that they did a good job? To some degree, the whole "fan" thing seems so self-serving. There's very little return on investment for the fan. You spend hard earned money on tickets and merchandise, you devote time and energy to seeing performances...for what? To get a picture at a stage door or have a 10 minute conversation where you share an intimate detail of your life and the actor nods and listens and responds with something quasi-personal?

In my experience, and it's limited to about 3 actors, the one way to ensure a response that goes deeper than a sentence or two has been to compliment their work. Then, suddenly, they're all chatty. That happened to me recently and it totally made me realize how one sided the whole fan thing could be. Some actors want to be spoken to as "an actor" and not a peer and I just have no interest in that. I'm too old for the fawning and ass kissing.


Though I have a personal repoire with several, the two actors (one very well known, the other not as much) who I do consider to be my friends will both e-mail me unsolicited, and invite me to spend time with them.

Okay, I'm treading very lightly here because we're getting along and I don't want to rock the boat...but....define "spending time." (That's said tongue in cheek. I'm not really expecting you to explain yourself because you don't owe me that.) I've gotten the occasional e-mail from an actor who asks "Have you ever been/Are you coming to my show/gig/appearance?" I don't take that as an invitation. I honestly take that as the actor wanting to fill seats. Maybe I'm cynical, but I just don't believe that most actors care all that much. I think they want to sell tickets. There are exceptions, though, like Anthony Rapp whom I think is exceptionally sincere.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 8/29/06 at 12:24am

It's shocking, no?

If I go into specifics on the board, people will know immediately who I'm talking about, so I'll be vague... I'm sorry. But we've been out for coffee and meals and things; I've been to their neighborhood, they've been to mine. Thigns completely separate of performance appearances and the like -- totally social get-togethers like I'd have with any other friend. And one of them has met my family -- as in he took time out of his [extremely busy] schedule to come up and have dinner with us. We mostly communicate via e-mail, though one has given me his phone number. It's obviously an extreme rarity, so I know I got really, really lucky.

Updated On: 8/29/06 at 12:24 AM

[wickedrentq]

Posted: 8/29/06 at 1:07am

Well, the whole interaction in general. Yes, the interaction between a performer and an audience, but for some people, that can carry over to the stage door. I guess I didn't need to go so specific, my point was that I truly believe some actors enjoy interacting with the fans in conversation, at stage doors, etc.

"it's not all about the autographs"

I couldn't agree more. I think the specific interactions we've been discussing all go a tad further than simply receiving an autograph. And even in what I'm saying, if an actor does enjoy interacting and conversing with fans at the stage door, I think he/she would prefer it more to get into conversation than simply sign...that's why the rare actor I specified starts conversations with the fans, and doesn't just sign and move on.

Moxie...I see your point as well, but...reading your post again, you pretty much agreed with my point at the end of my post--there are some sincere actors.

In terms of what the fan gets out of it...I think it's something where you just have to realize...everyone is different and there are some things you can't understand unless you're in a person's mind. For some people...a conversation, a hug, an interaction...is special. And it doesn't have to be the kind of person that thinks they're friends after that. I really can't logically explain it; I admit it's pretty irrational. But...I mean I don't understand why some people are happy to drink alcohol. We all have our things I guess.

Sometimes the fan plays a part to, as whether they're...communicating with the actor as a peer or an actor. Again, not like thinking they're friends, but kind of...treating them that way is more likely to get that kind of reaction? Again, it's all individual with the actors.

But..though I'm not posting them, I'm thinking of my own experiences, but realizing mine may be skewed a bit. I...come across quite a few actors in a...recreational setting, not a stage door...which I guess pretty much takes me out of the actor-fan relationship, into the peer relationship. And of course I'm certainly not you know asking for pictures and autographs at these times, just chilling. Now I'm starting to wonder how different this makes some of my experiences then if all my interactions were at stage doors. Hmm...

Updated On: 8/29/06 at 01:07 AM

[BroadwayChica]

Posted: 8/29/06 at 1:17am

Of course each actor is unique, but actually, Moxie's generalizations are quite accurate. My experiences with actors has been very limited, but at least in my case, I can definitely agree that the friendly rapport some actors have with their fans has more to do with a "business" than any genuine interest in the fans as individuals. They definitely appreciate the support, but ultimately, their interaction with fans isn't like it is with peers, because, well...we're NOT peers! That I've accrued some kind of friendly rapport with a few actors in no way means they don't see me as anything more than another fan. Some people have trouble with these boundaries (and I readily admit it can be confusing at times). But the bottom line is, they're actors. They want to keep their fans happy so we'll continue to support them. Unless we behave like lunatics, they WILL be friendly. But reading too much into that can be very dangerous.

[wickedrentq]

Posted: 8/29/06 at 1:24am

Sometimes actors try to be friendly to lunatics. It's pretty amusing to watch.

(Or they call them jerks. Right Chica? )

[BroadwayChica]

Posted: 8/29/06 at 1:27am

Sometimes a "fan" deserves to be called off. Like when John Arbo told that obnoxious person off at Sweeney Todd(which is what I assume you're talking about, right? I'm not big on trying to understand vague references)

And some actors can be really jerky, too. They may not mean it that way, but they are. And in some cases, it's unwarranted,or the result of too much familiarity with certain fans.


Updated On: 8/29/06 at 01:27 AM

[SirLiir]

Posted: 8/29/06 at 1:38am

I definetely agree that you should never call yourself a friend of any actor unless they refer to you as such. Your definition of 'friend' may be different from theirs after all. I would like to add that much of what has been said here can be said about friendship in general between people. The only thing different is the venue and accessibility.
Updated On: 8/29/06 at 01:38 AM

[wickedrentq]

Posted: 8/29/06 at 1:39am

Yes, that's what I was referring to.

By the friendly comment, I think I was referring more to the stupid than the obnoxious. Like this one fan at DRS was like...telling Norbert how much he rocked for showing his ass or something? Like, something...we were just like o-kay...so like that was a situation where it was amusing watching him being "friendly."

And totally agree about actors being jerky.

[BroadwayChica]

Posted: 8/29/06 at 1:45am

I definetely agree that you should never call yourself a friend of any actor unless they refer to you as such.

I get what you're saying, and I agree, of course. Even then, though, it can be sketchy. Two actors have referred to me as a "friend", on separate ocassions. But we're NOT friends. The word is often thrown around, even when it doesn't really define a true friendship. Know what I mean? I guess what I'm saying is that using the word "friend" doesn't necessarily mean real friendship. I don't just mean with actors - I've had some relationships with people where we clearly weren't real friends, and yet used that word to define each other.

I guess, of course, actors should be carful about using that word in cases where there's clearly no real friendship. I'm level headed enough to know it didn't mean anything, but other fans might take that and run with it "He called me a friend! CLEARLY WE'RE BFFS!!!"

Am I making sense? It's kinda late and I feel incoherent.

[wickedrentq]

Posted: 8/29/06 at 1:53am

That's what I meant Chica when I said the word friend is overused by everyone, not just actors. I mean you're introducing ppl, you're not gonna say this is my acquaintance...you say friend. That overuse too I think contributes to...the fuzzy lines. The word friend really has become quite a vague term in colloquial use.

ETA: I pretty much repeated what you said. Sorry about that. Umm...I agree?

Updated On: 8/29/06 at 01:53 AM

[HamletWasBipolar]

Posted: 8/29/06 at 10:00am

The fact that most of you people are beating this topic to death and obsessively ananlyzing everything from myspace to the definition of the word friend, is the exact reason why actors smile politely, take the picture, and get the hell away from you. When I was starting out as an actor in Philadelphia in the early nineties, I managed to become excellent FRIENDS with the touring companies on Les Miserables and Miss Saigon. I use the word friend because I still have numerous phone numbers of cast members in my Rolodex, was invited to their hotel parties and dinners, and even took one to New Hope for lunch one Monday off. They accepted me because I treated them like normal people and NEVER even mentioned the shows or their careers to them. I didnt ask for autographs or pictures. We liked one another because of personalities. I recieved free house seats on numerous occassions ( that werent really free to them) and even dined and drank on their per diem. The reason I write this is to not toot my own horn, but rather to say, act like a normal human being and you might be pleasantly surprised where that leads. I'm sure some of you do, but Ive seen the majority. As an actor in NYC and throughout the country Ive even seen scary fans at shows that most certainly did NOT deserve a fan base..lol. If you want an autograph or photo,fine no problem, but thats where it ends. Like it was said to the Star Trek convention by WIlliam Shatner on a Saturday Night Live skit, "People, wake up, move OUT of your parent's basements!"