Best bio ever!

[bjivie2]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 9:19pm

Can I just say how much I love this guy's bio? He's in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels...

ANDREW ASNES (Ensemble). Bosses: Jack O'Brien, David Leveaux, Paul Taylor, Susan Stroman, Twyla Tharp. Jobs: dancer, actor, choreographer, caterer, director, writer, producer, taxidermist. Hobbies: surfing, skiing, guitar, deep-sea welding. Never been on "Law & Order." Member of Actors' Equity.

That one is up there with John Hill's for BARE...

JOHN HILL (Jason) comes directly from the Broadway production of The Boy From Oz where he played the role of Mark Herron as well as understudying Hugh Jackman...and never went on, but he was really good in understudy rehearsals. Before that he was a member of the original Broadway company of Hairspray where he originated the pivotal role of Fender and understudied the role of Link...and went on...and was amazing. Tours: Miss Saigon. Thanks to God, family, Andy C, Mel, pot, and Alison Levy.

[apdarcey]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 9:21pm

i noticed that bio when i went to drs too!

[Roddick19]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 9:23pm

John Patrick Shanley (the playwright) talks about all of the schools and instutions he's been thrown out of in his bio. Then, he asks you to email him if you have any theories as to why this happened AND he provides an email address that he regularly checks. He'll respond if you send him something.

[melissa errico fan]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 9:24pm

Yeah, Shanley responds with lightning speed. I e-mailed him and got a response within an hour. He's awesome.

[Juliet2170]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 9:25pm

lol i LOVE these witty bios. "never been in law and order" hahaha that's gotta be rare

[sassypanz]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 9:26pm

OK?

[iwearshoes]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 9:26pm

oh that made me laugh so much!!!! yay for them for not just droning...though i do love reading some people to find out what they have been in, it is nice to see what they are as a person too... man i needed a good laugh today!

[Joshua488]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 9:27pm

Doesn't Christopher Sieber's bio say something along the lines of "Never been on 'Law & Order'"??

[ikmbway]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 9:27pm

that is so funny!!

[bjivie2]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 9:28pm

Yeah, that's what really got me. Marc Shaiman also lists all the times he's been nominated for an Oscar, and has never won. My friend used to have hers like a dictionary definition. Something like...

Emjoy Gavino (Patty): noun. Starving Asian artist.Also look under: Delia (Searching 4 Y), Liat (South Pacific)

Hers was a bit odd for me, but I LOVE interesting bios.

[Juliet2170]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 9:28pm

okay i can't help myself... From Altar Boyz

GOD
(Divine Creator)
is thrilled to finally be working at Dodger Stages. Selected credits include the heavens and the earth, light (which was good), whales and every living creature that moveth.

Throughout his infinite years in the business, he has worked with a myriad of "A list" celebs, including Moses, Noah, Joan of Arc, Mother Teresa and Tony Danza, just to name a few. As an author, He received critical kudos for His rocky, self-published debut, "The 10 Commandments" (out of print), and won widespread acclaim for His "Holy Bible", which continues to break records as the best-selling book of all time. He is overjoyed to be able to return to His first love, the theater, and to have had the opportunity to bless such a wonderful production. This one's for My boy. ILYJC
Updated On: 4/17/05 at 09:28 PM

[apdarcey]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 9:30pm

juliet. you win. enough said.

[broadwaystar2b]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 9:32pm

I love a witty bio
Yazbeck in DRS's playbill says something cute like "David is 7"

[The Distinctive Baritone]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 9:37pm

I love bios. I think it's fascinating to see what other roles an actor has played.

The best bio ever is Bronson Pichot's in "Putting It Together." I wish I had a copy of the program with me so I could post it. It's hilarious.

[NYC_or_Bust]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 9:41pm

I had to take a break when I read Bernadette Peter's bio for GYPSY...I was exhausted afterwards.. lol

[Dollypop]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 9:48pm

From the FUNNY GIRL program (1965):

Barbra Streisand (Fanny Brice): In addition to having appeared off-Broadway, on Broadway and away-from-Broadway, in nightclubs, on television and on the concert stage, Barbra Streisand is the recipient of CUE magazine's Entertainer of the Year Award. A top recording star, a talented interior decorator, dress designer and portrait painter, she also plays field hockey. Her performance in the musical I CAN GET IT FOR YOU WHOLESALE stopped the show, and was much admired by the critics, the public, and the show's leading man, Elliot Gould, who married her. Barbra is a follower of Eastern philosophy and cooking but also favors TV dinners on occasion. She is a reknowned collector of antigue clothes shoes and fans. Her favorite flower is the gardenia since it is the only scent that can never be captured. Her favorite day of the week is Tuesday, since she spends part of each Tuesday thoughout the year to stringing crystal beads which are sold in a Vermont general store. She knows how to make coffee ice cream and to fix her own hair. For more personal information, write to her mother.

[.LittleWing. 0224]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 9:49pm

I always thought this one was cute...

Tracy Miller (Penny Pingleton)
Holy Cow! After singing these songs way too many times in the shower, Tracy is ecstatic to be doing it for real... So are her neighbors... (it goes on)

cute, huh? lol

[apdarcey]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 9:51pm

i like that barbra one!

[Sargar]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 9:54pm

there are some great bios in Spamalot as well. And yes, Christopher Seiber does mention that he has never appeared on Law and Order. Too funny! I'm glad someone finally mentioned the fact that 95% of broadway actors have appeared on that show. (well, i'm sure many people have mentioned that fact, but its the first time i've noticed)

[bjivie2]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 9:56pm

I also had to take a break reading Patti LuPone's one and a half page bio in Matters of the Heart.

Too bad Babs takes herself too seriously to right a bio like that now.

[Dollypop]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 10:03pm

I found it extremely sad that That Streisand Woman could jokingly refer to her mother in the bio but couldn't bring herself to leave CA to attend that same mother's funeral in NY a few years ago. She e-mailed condolences to the family and called someone's cellphone when the family was at the graveside.

[#1Elphie]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 10:06pm

The Spamalot bios are the best! They're all hilarious. I love the fake ones, too. My mom thought they were real at first.

[broadwaystar2b]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 10:06pm

Dollypop, that is cold

[shira467]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 10:09pm

Here's John Patrick Stanley's

"JOHN PATRICK SHANLEY (Playwright). John Patrick Shanley is from the Bronx. He was thrown out of St. Helena's kindergarten. Hew was banned from St. Anthony's hot lunch program for life. He was expelled from Cardinal Spellman High School. He was placed on academic probation by New York University and instructed to appear before a tribunal if he wished to return. When asked why he had been treated in this way by all these institutions, he burst into tears and said he had no idea. Then he went in the United States Marine Corps. He did fine. He's still doing okay."

[Yankeefan007]

Posted: 4/17/05 at 10:15pm

i had written one for a production i did recently, but there was an unfortunate misprint that made me look like an asshole.