Excerpt from interview on BDSM Dom/sub relationship. Interviewer Tonya Pickins in bold:
Absolutely. When I saw the play I wanted to write an essay called “White Supremacy 101.”
Why was that?
I felt that the play captured a very specific dynamic of what supremacy is. Because you had white people and Black people, it was white supremacy. Look, we’re going to go into some BDSM talk now: The dominant person in a BDSM scenario is actually the sub. The sub has all the control. The sub has the ability to say “more” or “less” or “stop.” And in a supremacist relationship, the supremacist wants to have the agency to decide when they’re sub and when they’re dom, and the other party doesn’t get to choose at all; they must just respond to what the other person is doing. So in that sense, the supremacist is always a sub pretending to be a dominant, but always requiring the other person to meet their needs, whether it’s the need to look up to me as if I’m the person in control, or the need to console and guide me. I felt that the play really captured that.
Thank you. That rocks me in my stomach, because I felt like that was a major conversation that was being missed. People think we’re in a really sex-positive moment right now, and yet we 100 percent are not. A lot of the response to the play, good or bad, seemed to immediately delete the sexual dynamics from the discourse outside of either saying it was “provocative” or “salacious.” No one talked about the fact that sexual dynamics can actually be really illuminating about dynamics that we have all the time, you know?
Yeah!
Also, this shouldn’t be that provocative to an audience who all have incognito windows up on their phone at different hours of the day. If you look at Pornhub’s demographics in New York, one of the most popular porn categories is “ebony” porn. And porn about sexual violence is really popular. So if people are allowing that to exist in their private fantasy life, why is it so weird that someone would put that in a theatre and have you process that communally?
Well, that’s the American Puritanism. So let’s talk about the sex.
Yeah! Let’s do it!
I felt like the character Kaneisha was living my life. You have these white men who run the world, but when they come home, they want someone to run them, boss them around. She was saying, “No, I actually want you to sub me. I need you to do this to me.” What made him supremacist was that he could not even, for her sexual pleasure, do that thing she asked of him because it messed with his sense of who he was. Is that true? Is that what you wrote?
I think that’s at the core of all three couples: the inability to listen to a Black person. I grew up as one of the only Black kids at the school I went to, and then I went to a theatre conservatory where I was one of the four Black men that they let into a 52-person class, at a school where Black students every year for as long as Black students have been going to DePaul University had been asking to do more work that looked like them, and every year they weren’t listened to. So I think that part of the energy of this play was looking at something like BDSM dynamics as not even liberatory but just illuminating about the dynamic that I felt I’d seen in my life from every type of white person I interacted with, and dynamics I’ve seen in other people’s lives consistently. Because as anyone who is at all familiar with how any type of BDSM work knows, listening is the No. 1 thing. You have to be listening or you won’t hear the safe word. So I wanted to put listening at the core of the dramaturgy of this play.
Right, and that’s what I saw. The dom is the servant, and the dom must listen, look, see, and do whatever the sub requires. The white people in this play were not very good doms.
No, they’re not.