The Best Thing You'll Read Today

[iWannaBEaSedaris]

Posted: 11/12/14 at 3:03pm

Found while looking at Playbill Jobs:
Link: http://m.playbill.com/jobs/job_detail/6-time-tony-emmy-nominated-actor-seeks-part-time-assistant-334620

Who is it?
Kelly?

Text of post below.


Category: Administrative

Paid: yes

Description:
Six-time Tony and Emmy nominated actor seeks highly organized, intelligent, educated, motivated, hard-working, high-energy, experienced, part-time assistant. Corporate experience welcome. Job is exciting and varied.

Assistant must:
-- speak and write grammatically correct English at a "first language" level
-- be highly computer/MS Office/iPod/iPad/iPhone/internet/social media fluent
-- be able to take dictation and type accurately; she must type at least 60 wpm (and be an excellent speller without relying on “spell check”)
-- have a valid United States driver’s license and be ready to drive
-- be comfortable driving and parking in Manhattan and environs
-- be comfortable with (and have 20+ hrs./week availability for) a highly flexible schedule: her work hours may be in the morning, through the day, and late at night on both weekdays and weekends, in locations both inside and outside Manhattan. The work week can, and does, vary.
-- be comfortable with party planning for both small in-home parties and planning and overseeing infrequent events with 100+ guests
-- maintain a professional demeanor and appearance
-- independently complete detail-oriented work tasks calmly and quickly with precision accuracy, in a variety of high-pressure, time-sensitive situations; i.e. weddings, opening nights, dinner parties

During the run of any theatre/film/personal appearance project, Assistant will:
-- prepare actor for each engagement
-- settle her in her dressing room or apartment
-- accompany actor to the theatre/set
-- pack up actor’s belongings at the end of the engagement

Other duties:
-- running lines with actor for upcoming Broadway, film, TV, and concert/personal appearance projects
-- running errands (shopping, drop-offs and pick-ups, pumping gas)
-- food shopping, cooking/meal preparation, table service, and kitchen/apartment cleanup before and after parties
-- simple cleaning and organizing
-- wardrobe prep and maintenance: light sewing, steaming and ironing, packing for trips, maintaining organized closets
-- dealing with correspondence, mail, bills, email, phone messages
-- merchandise sales (CDs, DVDs etc.)
-- gift wrapping and presentation (often for a large group)


Immediate start
$20 hr. starting salary/plus lunch
Job is 20-40 hours/wk. and will require some travel. Please note on your submission if you also have your own car (a plus).
Confidentiality agreement signed from first day of work.
Typing and grammar tests will be administered prior to personal interview.

Email cover letter and resume no later than Thursday, November 6 at 6:00 pm EST.


Response Method(s):
Contact: [Name Withheld]
By Email: [e-mail]

[madbrian]

Posted: 11/12/14 at 3:06pm

I believe this was discussed at length, perhaps in the off-topic board. The consensus there was that Tovah Feldshuh was the likely prospective employer.

[binau]

Posted: 11/12/14 at 3:16pm

Why is it presumed the applicant would be female?

The role sounds like you'd be their slave lol.

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 11/12/14 at 3:34pm

Maybe if you work for her for 12 years, she'll finally win an Oscar.

[LizzieCurry]

Posted: 11/12/14 at 4:12pm

Didn't people assume it was Tovah because a previous version of this ad has gone up a couple times and there was an email address included that mentioned Tovah?

[FishermanBob]

Posted: 11/12/14 at 5:45pm

"food shopping, cooking/meal preparation, table service, and kitchen/apartment cleanup before and after parties"

So she wants someone who can take dictation, type 60 wpm, shop, cook and serve her meals, be her cleaning lady as well as her party planner, not to mention someone who can "settle her in her dressing room and apartment" whatever the hell that means, all in one person, in Manhattan on a part-time schedule that changes for her convenience and requires availability late nights and on weekends at her pleasure, all for $20 an hour. Good luck.

For a dose of reality, she may want to call a temp agency and ask them what temp receptionists whose entire set of duties are to say "good afternoon" and "have a seat over there and I'll let Mr. Smith know you are here" are getting paid per hour.

[macnyc]

Posted: 11/12/14 at 6:17pm

This should be $50 an hour. And full time.

[millie_dillmount]

Posted: 11/12/14 at 6:29pm

Part time but job can be up to 40 hours a week?

[promisespromises2]

Posted: 11/12/14 at 6:54pm

"Part time but job can be up to 40 hours a week?"
I work in retail, with guaranteed 40 hours a week and my team is still considered "part time". It's awful.

[chanel]

Posted: 11/12/14 at 7:12pm

All you have to do is be the person's cook, driver, maid, gofer, and all-around slave and on some weeks it would pay all of $400 plus lunch!!!

[Matt Rogers]

Posted: 11/12/14 at 7:27pm

This is indeed Tovah, at it again. This is not the first time she has posted such an ad, although this one seems even crazier than the last one.

[Melissa25]

Posted: 11/12/14 at 11:39pm

I also love how the ad says that if the slave owned their own car, it's a plus.
Jeez.

[FishermanBob]

Posted: 11/13/14 at 1:30am

I can just imagine Tovah having her new assistant (let's call her Jane) take dictation:


Tovah: Jane, can you come here, I'd like you to take a dictation.

Jane: Sure Tovah, I have my pad. OK, go ahead.

Tovah: OK, this will be a Twitter reply, what do they call them? Tweets?

Jane: Yes, tweets. Go ahead.

Tovah: OK, this will be to @nachomama205

Jane: OK, @nachomama205, and the message?

Tovah: ROTFLMAO.

Jane: Just ROTFLMAO? Anything else?

Tovah: Should I add LOL at the end?

Jane: No, I think it's implied in ROTFLMAO.

Tovah: OK then, just that. Can you get that out tonight?

Jane: Sure, no problem.

Tovah: Thanks. I'm going to bed now so I won't have time to proof it. Make sure it's correct.

Jane: Will do Tovah, goodnight.