i feel bad for patti.
the director wandered out onto the stage. he looked disoriented. he was basically apologizing for what we were about to see. he seemed nervous and he said that everyone involved was very tired.
why was i told this? i bought a preview ticket. i came to see a preview. why are you telling me you are tired? things may go wrong... uh huh... i am an adult. no need to coddle me before the show starts. i made the decision to be here. start the show...
i have seen the movie tons of times. i LOVE the movie. thank god i saw it because... it is hard to understand ANYTHING that is going on... for a myriad of reasons...
a) there is an answering machine involved... it is a MAJOR plot point... anything said on it is muffled....
b) everyones' "spanish accent" is different... sometimes it is not even a spanish accent, sometimes there is no accent... sometimes the accent comes and goes from the same character, the accents or lack thereof are distracting and off... REALLY OFF...
c) the set makes the craziest noises... but i mean super crazy... for instance, a tiny television is rolled across the WHOLE stage at one point... it sounds like someone took a broken supermarket cart and flung it onto the stage...
i feel bad for patti.
now, i am aware that a lot of the tech stuff will eventually smooth out.... but, the set is pretty sad and often cluttered and just "eh"... pedro's movie is clean and bold and sleek... i was excited to see this presented on stage... i imagined that the set designer would have a field day using almodovar's signature colors to create some hot spaces and locations.... this is never the case... the set is wooden (literally) and clunky... there are tons of unnecessary, unstylish props... everything looked kinda cheap... not chic.... there were conveyor belts and various projections, but it all looked cluttered and not well thought out...
the taxi is soooo sad.... so so sad... it makes you want to cringe... it moves slow and it is just not innovative or interesting... there is no fun or intensity when the taxi is involved.. you just pray that she gets out of it sooner than later... then more conveyor belts... then more people pacing around... it evokes nothing... there is nothing fun, retro or spanish about anything going on...
in the movie, pepa's penthouse is so much fun to look at... you just want to be there... the penthouse in this show is just... well... drab. more flatness and dreariness...
i feel bad for patti.
ok, i will now share random things that occurred...
1) at one point, pepa accidentally sets her bed on fire... now, keep in mind, the director came out before the show started and told us that there may be mishaps... thank god i knew about the "bed fire"... most people in the audience did not... when the bed went on fire, it frightened people... not to mention, it did nothing dramatic to further the scene... sherie just sang in front of a fire... a plain ol' fire... in the middle of the stage... smoke and kerosene smell filled the theater and remained so for the rest of act 1...
2) four of the principals end act 2 hanging on wires... yes, patti lupone, for no discernible reason, is in a harness and hanging before you... it is odd, meaningless and seemingly uncomfortable for all involved... they are singing the "fun" song we all heard in the 60 second commercial... the full song is not melodic, fun, tuneful or anything... you pray for it to end and that nobody falls... i'd be okay with them hanging, if it made any sense...
i feel bad for patti.
3) the ivan character literally sings a song called BLAH BLAH BLAH... if it is not actually called that, it should be because he repeats BLAH BLAH BLAH over and over... it is pathetic and sad and embarrassing... in the movie, ivan is not "blah blah blah", his tone and reputation is anything but...
this "forum message" is already too long, so i cannot write more examples... there are so many... it is really really upsettingly bad...
now for our wonderful and talented actors... how i feel for these people...
scott -- her pepa is serious, boring, unstylish... her songs slow down ANY momentum that is EVER gained... they have such a hard time getting any momentum, but pepa is ALWAYS on hand to sing a song and stop it... if she doesn't do it by song, she hails that damn taxi...
benanti -- she is the ghost of what the show could have been... her energy and demeanor captures the essence of the movie... i have no idea how she was able to find that amidst the rubble... but god bless her ability to shine in the quarry...
mitchell -- a role that never should have been, it was his second performance and he looked "over it"... i feel bad for him having to sing BLAH BLAH BLAH every night...
guarini --- well, he suits the production
ok, i am depleted... i can't type anymore... i shared what i could... i need another shower...
oh...
and patti...
act 2 opens and the taxi driver (who is now channeling the "piragua guy" from IN THE HEIGHTS) is singing a pointless, horrible song as the women hang above him in their harnesses... patti is licking a pink smiley face lollipop...?????????!!!!!!!! i felt a connection with this woman at this moment... i wanted to yell -- I AM SO SORRY PATTI!!!!! and i KNOW she would have understood and appreciated my sentiment!! i am horrified to think of her hanging there licking that lollipop... i did not yell out to her... i left the theater for fear i would do it involuntarily... as i approached the door, an usher tried to redirect me to a restroom... i explained i just needed to leave...
i feel SO bad for patti!
WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO KNOW?!!!!!