Worst Reviews Ever

[wickedmonkey33]

Posted: 8/27/16 at 1:11pm

Hi, I'm looking for some help! What are some of the most hilarious, scathing reviews Broadway shows ever? Carrie? China Doll? Links to the reviews would be much appreciated. Thanks!

[adamgreer]

Posted: 8/27/16 at 1:20pm

The one that stands out in my mind, for whatever reason, is Brantley's review of Jekyll and Hyde. 

Probably not the worst review ever, but I'll never forget the first time I read it. 

[South Fl Marc]

Posted: 8/27/16 at 1:26pm

The one the first comes to mind is "Moose Murders". The New York Times review was brilliant.

http://www.nytimes.com/1983/02/23/theater/stage-moose-murders-a-brand-of-whodunit.html

Updated On: 8/27/16 at 01:26 PM

[Sally Durant Plummer]

Posted: 8/27/16 at 1:39pm

Frank Rich's Chess is pretty good, as is his "Merrily We Roll Along", and "Aspects of Love".

[yankeefan7]

Posted: 8/27/16 at 3:12pm

I don't know how funny it is but the Brantley review of "Lennon" depicts the show as being pretty bad with a dig at Yoko in the first paragraph.

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/15/theater/reviews/then-john-met-yoko-and-the-rest-is-a-musical.html?_r=0

 

 

Updated On: 8/27/16 at 03:12 PM

[ClumsyDude15]

Posted: 8/27/16 at 4:25pm

The first one that came to mind when I saw this thread was Ben Brantley's review of Leap of Faith: 

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/27/theater/reviews/leap-of-faith-with-raul-esparza-at-st-james-theater.html

[BroadwayConcierge]

Posted: 8/27/16 at 4:29pm

OMG, the opening to Brantley's Lennon review... wow!

[Jay Lerner-Z]

Posted: 8/27/16 at 5:02pm

The great Diana Rigg compiled a collection of the worst ever reviews, published as "No Turn Unstoned" - I haven't read it but I love the title! 

https://www.amazon.com/No-Turn-Unstoned-Theatrical-Reviews/dp/1879505037/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1472331504&sr=1-3&keywords=Diana+Rigg

[South Fl Marc]

Posted: 8/27/16 at 5:03pm

I always detested John Simon, but his Aida review was spot on.

http://nymag.com/nymetro/arts/theater/reviews/2635/

[Hariku]

Posted: 8/27/16 at 5:42pm

I have to say, I quite liked Aida. A lot more than I expected to. And Headley was fantastic. And Sherie Renee Scott.

But, as everyone knows, Miss Saigon is universally acknowledged as the worst show in the world. As this legendary review shows...

      http://www.dontbuymiss-saigon.com/excerpts-from-michael-feingolds-review-of-miss-saigon/

[ggersten]

Posted: 8/27/16 at 6:27pm

Brantley on Good Vibrations:

 "Good Vibrations" sacrifices itself, night after night and with considerable anguish, to make all other musicals on Broadway look good....

 "Since the performers really aren't to blame for the aimlessness of "Good Vibrations," I won't mention any of their names, though there are a few who make you feel that smiling should be outlawed for a while."

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/02/03/theater/reviews/to-everything-there-is-a-purpose.html

 

[After Eight]

Posted: 8/27/16 at 7:49pm

 Portofino, How to Make a Man, Step on a Crack, The Fun Couple, Hidden Stranger, And Things That Go Bump in the Night...

[Hariku]

Posted: 8/27/16 at 9:55pm

Here we go with a clickable link to the funniest Miss Saigon review ever...

http://www.dontbuymiss-saigon.com/excerpts-from-michael-feingolds-review-of-miss-saigon/

[Sally Durant Plummer]

Posted: 8/27/16 at 10:03pm

I generally agreed with Rich's review of Miss Saigon. I thought it was much more even-handed between the good and the flaws.

[wickedmonkey33]

Posted: 8/28/16 at 5:44pm

These are fantastic! Thank you all very much.

[Harriet Craig]

Posted: 8/28/16 at 5:59pm

For a review of an individual performance, you can't get much worse than Dorothy Parker's review of Katharine Hepburn's performance in the 1933 Broadway production of "The Lake":  "Miss Hepburn runs the gamut of emotions from A to B."

[MichelleCraig]

Posted: 8/28/16 at 9:28pm

I know it's out of place here, but I can't resist. When the multi-million dollar war epic from 20th Century Fox opened a lifetime ago, I still remember the headline from The Boston Globe review:

TORA! TORA! TORA! BOMB! BOMB! BOMB!

[GroupAGroup1]

Posted: 8/28/16 at 9:38pm

Ben Brantley's review of The Little Mermaid:

"Loved the shoes. Loathed the show.

O.K., I exaggerate. I didn’t like the shoes all that much..."

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/11/theater/reviews/11merm.html?_r=0

[GroupAGroup1]

Posted: 8/28/16 at 9:41pm

Terry Teachout's review of Lennon:

"Don't be fooled by that twisted piece of rubble on West 44th Street. It isn't a burning building -- it's the worst musical to hit Broadway since...gee, I'm not sure. "Good Vibrations"? "Bombay Dreams"? "1600 Pennsylvania Avenue"? What the hell, let's swing for the fences: "Lennon," which opened Sunday and will surely be laid to rest as soon as the next of kin can be notified, could well be the most awful show to come along in my adult lifetime."

http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB112440318771317090?mg=id-wsj

[GroupAGroup1]

Posted: 8/28/16 at 9:53pm

Frank Rich's review of Edward Albee's The Man Who Had Three Arms:

"'The Man Who Had Three Arms' at the Lyceum, isn't a play - it's a temper tantrum in two acts."

http://www.nytimes.com/1983/04/06/theater/stage-drama-by-albee-man-who-had-3-arms.html

---

Also, from early in the decade, Rich's review of Albee's stage adaptation of Lolita:

"After weeks of delays, Edward Albee's ''Lolita'' finally opened at the Brooks Atkinson last night, and all one can do is wonder why it did. This show is the kind of embarrassment that audiences do not quickly forget or forgive. It's not just that ''Lolita'' is incompetent or boring or that it lays waste to a masterpiece of modern literature: those are pardonable sins that have been known to occur in Broadway theaters. What sets ''Lolita'' apart from ordinary failures is its abject mean-spiritedness. For all this play's babbling about love, it is rank with indiscriminate - and decidely unearned - hate."

http://www.nytimes.com/1981/03/20/theater/stage-albee-s-adaptation-of-lolita-opens.html

Updated On: 8/28/16 at 09:53 PM

[Back Row]

Posted: 8/28/16 at 9:56pm

There was a famous line from a review of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I wish I knew which production and who reviewed it, but the one line summary of the review is priceless: "More chitty than bang bang."

[GroupAGroup1]

Posted: 8/28/16 at 10:12pm

Not a review, but it's relevent: 

How hated was/is Frank Wildhorn? In 2004, right before the Broadway premiere of Dracula, the New York Times published an article tearing his work apart in general - and they quoted the critics.

"In recent telephone interviews, three theater critics elaborated on their published invective. Linda Winer, of Newsday, said that Mr. Wildhorn writes ''dunderheaded musicals for people who find Andrew Lloyd Webber too difficult.'' Ben Brantley, of The New York Times, allowed, ''They're fine if you're in the mood to be emotionally knee-jerked.'' And Charles Isherwood of Variety said of Mr. Wildhorn: ''His natural home is in Las Vegas. That might be his most sensible career move. Skip Broadway altogether.'"

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/08/15/movies/theater-cue-the-pop-ballad-warn-the-critics.html

Updated On: 8/28/16 at 10:12 PM

[neonlightsxo]

Posted: 8/29/16 at 10:47am

I have two favorites that come to mind. Brantley's Addams Family review:

"Imagine, if you dare, the agonies of the talented people trapped inside the collapsing tomb called “The Addams Family.” "

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/09/theater/reviews/09addams.html?_r=0

and Mark Kennedy's Bright Star review:

"The new Broadway musical "Bright Star" starts with a bit of bluster, maybe even some swagger.

"If you knew my story, you'd have a good story to tell," the leading lady sings.

But after 2½ hours of this down-home hokum, the answer is clear: No, we don't."

http://www.dailyherald.com/article/20160324/entlife/303249780/

 

I mean, there are tons more. Take a look at the reviews for all the recent flops.

[neonlightsxo]

Posted: 8/29/16 at 10:54am

Sorry for double post, but I forgot IN MY LIFE!

"Other people's dreams are boring, I know. But please, for the sake of my sanity -- and possibly yours -- let me tell you about this one.

I dreamed I went to a Broadway show that was supposed to be madly eccentric and surreal, featuring a giant lemon, transvestite angel and a hero with Tourette's syndrome. But then, in one of those head-spinning shifts of setting that occur only in nightmares, I found myself trapped inside a musical Hallmark card, a pastel blend of the twinkly teddy bear and sentimental sunrise varieties. And suddenly, as the breath was leaving my body, I realized I was drowning, drowning in a singing sea of syrup.

Hey, wait a minute. That was no nightmare. That was "In My Life," the new musical that opened last night at the Music Box Theater, written, directed and produced by Joseph Brooks, who is also the show's composer and lyricist."

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/21/theater/reviews/where-an-angel-fearlessly-treads.html

Updated On: 8/29/16 at 10:54 AM