"Spider Man"/"First Wives Club" Memorial Page (Share Memories...)

[MusicSnob1]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 3:24pm

I guess today is the day of Memorial Pages. Congrats.

Updated On: 1/3/10 at 03:24 PM

[quizking101]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 3:35pm

I created the memorial pages for shows that are closing on Broadway today...so people can share memories of those shows and how they felt about them since those shows most likely won't be back in the near future...

[Felm_heart]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 3:38pm

In defense of the memorial threads, there were only two, which were for two shows that are actually closing today. It is always sad to see a show leave Broadway; there is no need to mock the threads.

[Jordan Catalano]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 4:11pm

Hello, everyone. *clears throat*

It's hard for me to stand here before you all today. I..I've never really given a eulogy before so I'm not sure how they're supposed to go. *shuffles index cards*
I'd like to start out by saying that it's really wonderful to see that so many of you decided to brave the cold and have shown up here today. Bette, Diane, Goldie, Tobey and even Alfred, I have to point out how wonderful it is to see you all here, especially. I remember back in 1996 I was seeing a production of ONCE UPON A MATTRESS with Sarah Jessica Parker. After the show I spoke with her about her role in FIRST WIVES CLUB. She was so excited for this film to come out and joked maybe one day it'll be a musical like the one she's starring in now. I didn't know that those words would ring true, even if they were to be as fleeting as the very season we were apart of than.

It's difficult to imagine the great white way without such wonderful shows. To pass by the Hilton theater and see people entering or leaving will be hard for me. *clears throat again* I mean to say that the Spiderman signs have become such a part of the landscape and the February 2010 promises have vanished. Gone like sand blown into the streets which leave it scattered. Leave me scattered.

I wish some of you could have known Spiderman. *takes tissue handed from someone in the front row* Thank you. I wish you could have seen the effects he created and the music that could have, I'm sorry, should have been part of our world. I wish you could have smiled as the curtain rose. I wish you could have walked home with a souvenir program or a sippee cup. I wish.

I suppose in times like these it's hard not to try to find blame. To be angry, even. I've learned these emotions are natural and part of the process. I see so many people out here today who are angry. Evan, your Mary Jane would have been and should have been beautiful and we mourn you today as well. I hope you find solace in that. Sheryl...I'm at a loss for words. Your talent is unmatchable. (Sheryl from one of the back pews: "Thank you") You're welcome. I say these words not to comfort but because they are true and hopefully the truth is what you will find comforting and what will keep you warm tonight.

I know there are so many other people who want to speak today so I'll end with just a simple "Thank you" to these two shows who tried so hard but never got the chance to even walk. Thank you and Godspeed.
Updated On: 1/3/10 at 04:11 PM

[Pgenre]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 4:14pm

Bravo, Jordan, Bravo

[MusicSnob1]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 5:47pm

NO PARTY POOPERS ALLOWED!!! GET OUT!!!

Jordan - Thank God for your deliciousness. That was an epic post with a fantastic response. Bless you, darling. xoxo

[singtopher]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 6:24pm

Tears Jordan, just...tears.

[tami3]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 6:27pm

musicsnob is a real ass whole. He has nothing intelligent to add. I think he is a miserable fag.

[Pgenre]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 6:30pm

^ROTFLMAO! POST OF THE YEAR (and we're only 3 days in)!

[MusicSnob1]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 6:45pm

Don't hate on me because my ass is "whole". I have a round, full, whole ass... I blame it on my jeans (not my genes). Shake what you got.

xoxo

[singtopher]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 6:53pm

Baby got back

[TheatreFan4]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 7:15pm

Wow. Tami needs to shut her whole.

[ABB2357]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 7:24pm

First off, I'd like everyone to know that what I'm about to say comes sincerely from the heart. Some of you may take it with a grain of salt, and that's fine, but there is no level of irony or mocking superiority intended in this post.

Onward...

I ventured into the Old Globe to see THE FIRST WIVES CLUB one cool, sunny afternoon this past July. The show hadn't been reviewed yet, I hadn't seen the promo video online, and the only reason I went is because I happened to be in San Diego and was looking for something to do. I had seriously considered skipping the show, assuming that it probably wouldn't be very good. To think what I would have missed out on...

I saw the show, a Sunday matinee. It was wretched. Abysmal. Atrocious. Soul-crushing. An Armageddon-like creative catastrophe. A bottomless black hole of lazily offensive (or offensively lazy) tripe. Worthless. Bankrupt. I was personally shocked at the authors, director, and choreographer responsible for such a talentless mess (most of the actors, however, were very talented and worthy of the audience's sympathy). It was a low point in a lifetime of theatergoing and I wondered if our beloved, bewitching art form had choked out its last gasp of air, a fair assumption if this musical was indeed "Broadway bound" as advertised.

As soon as I got home, I sought solace on BWW. I saw the promo video. I scoured threads where some eviscerated the show and others delighted in its giddy incompetence. I felt relieved. Surely there were others in the world who knew my pain.

About a month later, I did something I never could have imagined... I saw the show again.

I'm sure you're asking yourselves, why would I further expose myself to something that had awakened such foul, seething rage the first time? Well, part of me had to see it again just to confirm that the first time was real. Had the show actually been that bad? Were the lyrics really that nonsensical? Was the staging that dopey? Were the one-liners that limp? I had to know. For my sanity, I had to prove to myself that THE FIRST WIVES CLUB wasn't some kind of fever dream, a shiny off-white hallucination brought forth by shifting panels of frosted glass.

Another side of me hoped I might be entertained. If the show was as bad as I remembered, there would be no surprises, no false hopes of quality. I would sit through it as before but with full knowledge of what I was getting myself into. Its juvenile tricks wouldn't ambush me like they did the first time. Maybe then I could, bizarrely, enjoy the show. Besides, who doesn't like to see a good train wreck every once in a while?

For some reason, I found myself excited to see THE FIRST WIVES CLUB again. Why? I couldn't put my finger on it. The show had awakened emotions in me, however negative, unlike any I had felt for any piece of theater in years. My strong feelings indicated that I had to see it again. I was obsessed. Finding my way back to the show became like a mission. I didn't know what would happen when the opening notes of "Wedding Belles" signaled the beginning of the first act, but I knew one thing. I was RED-DAY.

The show that afternoon was more or less the same as the one I'd seen a month earlier. A few bits of business in the staging were tightened, some performers were more sure of themselves (although not their material) this time out. Book/lyric changes were minimal to nonexistent. But something very significant HAD changed at that performance. Me.

Seeing that cast up there, busting their asses for a script that couldn't give them the time of day if it took place at a watch factory, was inspiring. I'm sure they knew at this point in the run what the show really was, they had to. Bad buzz was all over the chat boards. Reviews were out. Nothing could be done to fix the mess they'd gotten themselves into, but there they were. Committed and smiling and making a gas of it.

Mind you, the show was not funnier, more insightful, or more interesting this time around. A mountain had not been made from a molehill, the material was too far gone for that. But the energy onstage was palpable, and certain things that annoyed me the first time I now accepted with a head-shrugging recognition that felt refreshing. It became a comfort to me, a relief, quaint in the simplest and most affecting of interpretations. Tidal waves could flood the Earth, the stock market could crash, Satan could rise from the bowels of Hell and torture mankind for all eternity, but one thing would still be certain: THE FIRST WIVES CLUB is the lamest, dumbest, crappiest musical ever written.

Leaving the Old Globe that afternoon, I was euphoric. My faith in the power of theater had been restored. Just as positive experiences and good shows had been there for me in the past, this NEGATIVE experience, this BAD show had snuck up and charmed me with its dopey, hollow-eyed grin.

THE FIRST WIVES CLUB is like a retarded puppy that pisses all over your carpet but after it does, it jumps in your lap, licks your face, and in that absurd, imperfect moment, cheeks covered in thick saliva and jeans soggy with piss, you know the eternal meaning of joy.

Before this show I had never been exposed to that sort of peace with the world. Well, friends, that was me then. This is me now.

"To Cynthia!" Updated On: 1/3/10 at 07:24 PM

[Pgenre]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 7:44pm

GORGEOUS post, ABB, just gorgeous!

I TOTALLY get where you're coming from, and in many ways I feel similarly about DOTV (and, though not as much as you, FWC).

FWC may truly be the nadir of bad musicals and I find your post thought-provoking, insightful and immensely entertaining. Well done! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with us!

WEDDING BELLES UNITE!

P

[PiraguaGuy2]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 7:56pm

My heart wants to love just one more time.

[beautywickedlover]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 8:07pm

Is "Spiderman" really cancelled? I haven't seen any sources saying it has been. "FWC" was looking for a new director last I head.

[kchenofan]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 8:12pm

Jordan, you made my day. I completely agree with you on the effects *tears*...on the effects Spider-Man would've had on our country in this time of hardship.

[saveusmike]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 8:36pm

Im just curious..
Is your "Memorial" Page for Shrek that much diffrent than my "Dont let me go" Farewell thread..?

https://forum.broadwayworld.com/readmessage.php?thread=1009237&dt=23&boardid=1

[dramamama611]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 8:39pm

There has been no official word on Spider. See separate thread.