The New Yorker's "New Tony Award Categories"

[leighmiserables]

Posted: 6/9/17 at 11:00pm

Just thought I'd share this as it's been making me chuckle for a good fifteen minutes now: 

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/new-tony-award-categories?mbid=social_twitter

(Also, if anyone wants to take a crack at actual 'awarding' shows in these categories, be my guest!) 

[Nick Murphy]

Posted: 6/10/17 at 9:36am

The photo is of the opening number of the current revival of 42nd Street at The Theatre Royal Drury Lane in London.

[ChildofEarth]

Posted: 6/10/17 at 11:23am

My personal favorite is the one that is obviously the Paula Vogel Award. 

[JBroadway]

Posted: 6/10/17 at 12:31pm

Very fun! I think I can guess what's being referenced in almost all of them, though I don't know who the "serial killer supporting actor" is. I'm assuming it's one of the Tony nominees, otherwise he would probably just be too obscure for the writer to reference so vaguely. But even then it could be plays or musicals. Maybe Lucas Steele?

[BakerWilliams]

Posted: 6/10/17 at 1:26pm

@JBroadway, Michael Shannon

[JBroadway]

Posted: 6/10/17 at 1:44pm

BakerWilliams said: "@JBroadway, Michael Shannon"

 

But he was nominated last year. Most of the specific references seem to be about this year. 

 

[leighmiserables]

Posted: 6/10/17 at 1:46pm

JBroadway said: "Very fun! I think I can guess what's being referenced in almost all of them, though I don't know who the "serial killer supporting actor" is. I'm assuming it's one of the Tony nominees, otherwise he would probably just be too obscure for the writer to reference so vaguely. But even then it could be plays or musicals. Maybe Lucas Steele?

 

"

Lucas makes the most sense this year, but I agree Michael Shannon takes it overall. 

[broadwaygirl10]

Posted: 6/10/17 at 7:03pm

Malest Theatre Critic- Ben Brantley

Best Unoriginal Score - Dear Evan Hansen

Sweatiest Dance Belt- Ricky Ubeda (Cats) 

Horniest Orchestra- Cats 

Most Disappointing Onstage Nudity-Falsettos

Best Lighting of a Stage-Door Selfie - Not me

Best Ill-Conceived Revival of a Racist Musical - Miss Saigon

Best Cool New Play Based on a Dumb Old Play - The Present

Best Musical Based on a Book, Movie, or Trending Hashtag - Great Comet

Best Standing Ovation for a Famous Actress Just for Being Famous- Bette Midler

Best British Musical Smuggled into the U.S. Inside a Prosthetic Leg - Groundhog Day

Best Scathing Review Refashioned by Press Agents into a Rave Marquee Quote - anything for Amelie

Best Sound Design of a Patron’s Cell Phone Ringing During the Emotional Climax of a Play- older people

Best Featured Actor Who Seems Like He Might Be a Serial Killer—I Don’t Know, It’s Just Something About His Creepy Vibe - James Barbour

Best Career Ensemble Dancer Phoning It in Until He Finishes Paying for His Kid’s School and Can Retire and Give His Poor Knees a Break - Bryan O'Brien

Best Choreography of a Row of Patrons Half-Standing, Pulling in Their Knees, and Shifting to the Side to Allow a Latecomer to Squeeze by After the Play Has Already Begun - all the people in the right center second to last row of the front mezz on Jan 19 who had to do this like 4 times over the course of Ham bc some guy needed to get a drink every 20 mins

Best Direction by a Woman—Just Kidding, This Category Will Be Replaced by a Montage from “Annie II: Hip-Hop Don’t Stop (Singing About 2morrow) Featuring D.J. Daddy Big Buckz” - OK, but Rachel Chavkin

Best New Play by a Genius Woman Playwright Who Has Been Working Steadily in the Industry for a Billion Years and Should Have Had Her Broadway Début Decades Ago; What Took You People So Freaking Long - TIE Paula Vogel and Lynn Nottage

Best Mom Between the Ages of Forty-five and Sixty-five Whose Full-Price Ticket Purchases Keep the Precariously Balanced Commercial-Theatre Industry from Collapsing Like the House of Cards That It Is, Whose Taste Dictates the Shows That Succeed, Who Can’t Understand Why She Is Bombarded with Broadway-Related E-mails Despite Constantly Unsubscribing from Them - the lady featured in the NYT article about A bronx Tale 

Actual Best Musical that Makes You Laugh, Cry, Tap Your Toes, Hum Along, See the Human Experience from a New Perspective, and Feel Deep Emotions Stirring Inside You That Had Been Dormant for Years Because That Is the Power of Good Musical Theatre and Don’t You Forget It - GREAT COMET

Best Sound Design- The encounter

Best Gritty, Stripped-Down Revival of a Musical that Leaves No Fanciful Frippery to Conceal Its Glaring Flaws - Sunset Boulevard

Best Revival of a Play About a White Family in Their White Living Room Talking About Their White Problems That Has Never Been More Timely and Relevant - The Glass Menagerie
 

Updated On: 6/10/17 at 07:03 PM

[theater_tech]

Posted: 6/10/17 at 7:14pm

^ I agree to all of this.

Addition: Best Revival of a Play About a White Family in Their White Living Room Talking About Their White Problems That Has Never Been More Timely and Relevant - The Present

(The set was literally white.)

[JBroadway]

Posted: 6/10/17 at 7:23pm

theater_tech said: "^ I agree to all of this.

Addition: Best Revival of a Play About a White Family in Their White Living Room Talking About Their White Problems That Has Never Been More Timely and Relevant - The Present

(The set was literally white.)"

I think that fits, but I would have guessed The Little Foxes.

 

[Fantod]

Posted: 6/10/17 at 9:18pm

Except The Little Foxes is actually relevant today. Anti-capitalism is strong these days.

The category was meant for The Glass Menagerie.

[poisonivy2]

Posted: 6/10/17 at 9:44pm

est Unoriginal Score - Come From Away

Most Disappointing Onstage Nudity - Six Degrees of Separation

Best Lighting of a Stage-Door Selfie - Hillary Clinton's selfies 

Best Ill-Conceived Revival of a Racist Musical - Miss Saigon

Best Standing Ovation for a Famous Actress Just for Being Famous - Bette Midler 

Best British Musical Smuggled into the U.S. Inside a Prosthetic Leg - Groundhog Day

Best Scathing Review Refashioned by Press Agents into a Rave Marquee Quote - In Transit 

Best Usher Who Doesn’t Take SH*T from Nobody and Isn’t About to Start Today - The Shubert Theater harridans

Best New Play Bravely Written and Directed by White People About Another Culture - Oslo

Special Tony Award for Lifetime Achievement in Ticket Scalping, Sponsored by StubHub - Hello Dolly!

Best YouTube Comment Complaining About the Shaky Camerawork of a Bootleg Video - all the comments telling people not to comment on the Hamilton bootlegs 

Best Gritty, Stripped-Down Revival of a Musical that Leaves No Fanciful Frippery to Conceal Its Glaring Flaws - Sunset Boulevard

Best Featured Actor Who Seems Like He Might Be a Serial Killer—I Don’t Know, It’s Just Something About His Creepy Vibe - Josh Groban

Best Revival of a Play About a White Family in Their White Living Room Talking About Their White Problems That Has Never Been More Timely and Relevant - Six Degrees of Separation

Best Leading Actor on a Phone Call with His Mother Pretending He Isn’t Upset When She Asks If He’s Ever Going to Quit This Theatre Thing and Get a Real Job

Actual Best Musical that Makes You Laugh, Cry, Tap Your Toes, Hum Along, See the Human Experience from a New Perspective, and Feel Deep Emotions Stirring Inside You That Had Been Dormant for Years Because That Is the Power of Good Musical Theatre and Don’t You Forget It - Dear Evan Hansen

[Trina55]

Posted: 6/10/17 at 10:20pm

Best Usher Who Doesn’t Take SH*T from Nobody and Isn’t About to Start Today:

The kick-ass usher who addressed the entire rear mezzanine of Hamilton when I went in October with this: "When the show starts, you must put away your cell phones. You can LOL, but you can NOT text your BFF, or you'll have to deal with a VCWWAA - very cross woman with an attitude!"

[VintageSnarker]

Posted: 6/11/17 at 12:48am

Malest Theatre Critic: Most of them

Best Unoriginal Score: Amelie

Best Scathing Review Refashioned by Press Agents into a Rave Marquee Quote: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Best New Play Bravely Written and Directed by White People About Another Culture: The Boy Who Danced On Air (I know it's off-Broadway)

Best Revival of a Play About a White Family in Their White Living Room Talking About Their White Problems That Has Never Been More Timely and Relevant: The Humans (I know. Last season. But I still don't get it.)