No offense Grindr, but you're racist...- Page 3

[HorseTears]

Posted: 9/11/15 at 1:05pm

FindingNamo said: "Jordan, these issues always get your dander up!  There are prejudices, everybody has then and could probably benefit from challenging themselves on them; and there is systemic racism that keeps specific groups of people down. Some prejudices feed into racism. Others are fed by racism. "

 

Namo, that post^ gets a "WOOF!" from me.  Thanks for putting it so succinctly.  I'm going to be stealing that one and CNTRL-V'ing it regularly.  

Updated On: 9/11/15 at 01:05 PM

[SonofRobbieJ]

Posted: 9/11/15 at 1:06pm

Seriously?  Did you people read that article?  Did you?  Really?  Because what is being discussed is how sexual race preferences correlate to actual racist issues.  Perhaps 'prejudice' is a better word.  But that lets a lot of people off the hook for the parts we all play in creating our racist culture.  Clearly, this research is in its infancy and more data will be collected and analyzed.  

 

If you have a preference for a certain race or against others, well...that's what happens when humans form societies.  Racism is not some sort of weird theoretical thing.  It's profoundly human to associate with your 'tribe' and single out people of different races as 'the other.'  It then begins to root itself into the fabric of these societies through policy.  If you don't want to examine why you these kinds of prejudices, that's fine.  The best most of us can hope for is to just not be Assholes.  And maybe that starts by not putting Asshole-ish things on our Grindr profiles.  

 

And before any of you say it...yes.  I'm a racist.  I'm a white man living in the United States.  It's impossible to not be racist as a white man living in the Unites States.  What matters is the struggle to break past that.  

Updated On: 9/11/15 at 01:06 PM

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 9/11/15 at 1:06pm

I think everyone has preferences, but being able to state unequivocally that you'd never be attracted to a single member of a specific race has to speak to some deeper pathology.  

[CarlosAlberto]

Posted: 9/11/15 at 1:09pm

Phyllis Rogers Stone said: "I think everyone has preferences, but being able to state unequivocally that you'd never be attracted to a single member of a specific race has to speak to some deeper pathology.  

 

I agree with this Phyllis. I *have* been attracted to many white men. So I can honestly say that I don't fall into that category.

 

"

 

[Jordan Catalano]

Posted: 9/11/15 at 1:09pm

Exactly. 

[HorseTears]

Posted: 9/11/15 at 1:13pm

Carlos, I genuinely admire and appreciate your willingness to challenge your prejudices.  It can be so easy to get defensive when others hold up our behavior to a mirror.  When I was a teen with an insanely powerful developing sex drive I had a distinct "preference" for white men myself.  And that prejudice was undoubtedly a product of being raised in mostly white suburbs of London and  Southern California and seeing almost exclusively white representations of male beauty on tv, film, in modeling and, perhaps most influential of all, in gay porn.  It really wasn't until I was a freshman in college that I even recognized my prejudices and how much I had internalized the sometimes subtle message of white supremacy still prevalent in so many aspects of our society.  Cheers to you!

[PalJoey]

Posted: 9/11/15 at 1:23pm

 

A preference is only a "preference" if it is FOR something. If it is AGAINST something, it is not a preference. It is an "aversion" or a "distaste" or a "loathing." That is the dictionary definition of "preference": something that is preferred.

 

And if you have an aversion to an entire race, you are racist.It is that simple. That is the dictionary definition of "racism": If you make a negative judgment against an entire race of people, you are racist.

 

So those on these apps who say "It's just my preference" are simply masking a loathing or an aversion behind something that seems more socially acceptable.

 

 

Updated On: 9/11/15 at 01:23 PM

[hork]

Posted: 9/11/15 at 1:27pm

It is an interesting topic. I think "prejudiced" is a better word than "racist" here. It's not that people think less of other races, it's that they're programmed by their experiences to be attracted to certain types of people. Sexuality is innate, but attraction is learned. My ex-husband was never attracted to Asians, until he had great sex with a Korean guy, and he suddenly became obsessed with Koreans. When I was a young man, I was pretty much only attracted to white guys, but then I broadened my outlook and now I'm attracted to all races and ethnicities (and young guys invariably think I'm weird because of it).

 

I once had a (white) friend who only dated Japanese girls. I always thought it was creepy and weird, but racist? Not really. He was obsessed with Japan in general, and if he wanted to limit his dating pool to such an extreme, that was his business. I'm sure all non-Japanese girls are fine for not having dated him. It's like with Grindr. If I see a profile that says "no white guys" or "no one over 30" or whatever, then great!  Moving on to the next one! It actually makes it easier to have my options limited and to know whom to avoid right up front. If specifying or restricting which races you'll date or hook up with is a form of racism, then it's racism that only hurts the racist. Nobody is hot or desirable enough to make their sexual restrictions a problem for anyone but themselves.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 9/11/15 at 1:28pm

:::It is an interesting topic. I think "prejudiced" is a better word than "racist" here. :::

 

Thats why we introduced the word "prejudice" into the conversation. 

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 9/11/15 at 1:29pm

My ex-husband was never attracted to Asians, until he had great sex with a Korean guy, and he suddenly became obsessed with Koreans. 

...

[hork]

Posted: 9/11/15 at 1:31pm

FindingNamo said: ":::It is an interesting topic. I think "prejudiced" is a better word than "racist" here. :::

 

 

 

Thats why we introduced the word "prejudice" into the conversation. 

 

"

And that's why I said that. Just put the emphasis on the word "is" and you'll get it.

[CarlosAlberto]

Posted: 9/11/15 at 1:43pm

PalJoey said: " 

 

A preference is only a "preference" if it is FOR something. If it is AGAINST something, it is not a preference. It is an "aversion" or a "distaste" or a "loathing." That is the dictionary definition of "preference": something is is preferred.

 

 

 

And if you have an aversion to an entire race, you are racist.It is that simple. That is the dictionary definition of "racism": If you make a negative judgment against an entire race of people, you are racist.

 

 

 

So those on these apps who say "It's just my preference" are simply masking a loathing or an aversion behind something that seems more socially acceptable.

 

 

 

Yes, I have to agree with PalJoey's assessment. While I can truthfully own up to and acknowledge that my preference is prejudiced. I have never been nor do I consider myself a racist person. 

 

I want to thank those, especially you HorseTears who challenged me on this and for holding up that proverbial mirror to my behavior. Behavior, I might add I am not proud of.

 

It really is a huge wake up call for me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"

 

Updated On: 9/11/15 at 01:43 PM

[CATSNYrevival]

Posted: 9/13/15 at 2:03am

I'm "white" of Italian and German decent but I tend to completely ignore guys who message me and have racist comments in their profile. Is it a preference to not seek a racist partner?

 

I also saw a profile once where a guy wrote "seeking a masculine partner is a feminine trait" and I messaged him just to tell him how awesome I thought he was.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 9/13/15 at 10:58am

Hilarious.

[Wilmingtom]

Posted: 9/15/15 at 1:03am

I'm not familiar with the sites being cited here but it seems they're for casual sex, yes?  So I imagine folks are looking to fulfill their sexual fantasies.  If my fantasy is a big, hairy biker guy, or a skinny black guy, or a tall, smooth guy, or an older Asian guy, or a young, blonde woman or an amputee, I don't think any of that qualifies as discriminatory.  It's just my sexual fantasy of the moment.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 9/15/15 at 8:17am

 

Not necessarily only "of the moment." Many of these listings are claiming to be looking for friendship and romance, which puts a more sour taste on their expression of bias.

 

 

 

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 9/15/15 at 8:56am

If you've actually been on those sites, it's pretty clear that when people have a laundry list of racial preferences they don't want, that those preferences are not just a current sexual fantasy, but a rigid standard for all times.