Parents Will Rase Genderless Child

[Jordan Catalano]

Posted: 5/28/11 at 11:40am

This seems so wrong on so many levels.

http://advocate.com/News/Daily_News/2011/05/26/Parents_Raise_Genderless_Child/

[CapnHook]

Posted: 5/28/11 at 11:56am

Most people do not know the difference between gender, gender identity, and sexual orientation. As such, I can understand the parents' intention. It's a good intention. That being said, they are NUTS. The world IS that way, so to torture their child's social life in that way is doing just the reverse of their good intention -- it's drawing attention to the kid!!

If they want to change the world's idea of perception, go lecture to schools!

[canmark]

Posted: 5/28/11 at 12:16pm

I think this story has been misinterpreted in a number of ways, with people on all sides getting up in arms. I think the Toronto Star reported that this has been the most popular article on their website EVER. It's gone viral, as they say.

I think the parents want to raise their children to be free to choose. Just as some parents may want their children to be free to decide their religion or spirituality (as opposed to indoctrinating them in a particular religion), these parents want their children to choose freely in other areas. If the child wants to play with dolls, say, or play with trucks--either are OK with the parents. They don't want to force dolls on a girl or take away dolls from a boy. I don't think they're saying that they want their child to be "genderless", just that they don't want to impose certain gender 'norms' on their children.

Other parents may feel differently. Some may be "Tiger Moms," training their children to be high achievers. Some may be indifferent to their children's feelings. Some parents may indoctrinate their children in their religious beliefs, such as the parents in the Fred Phelps flock. Is that better than parents who want their children to choose freely?

To me, it sounds like these parents want to put their children's feelings first. And that they care enough to do that is a good thing. If I were a parent, I don't think I would do the same as them, but I would hope that I would allow my kids to choose their life and not *force* them to follow a belief system that is not comfortable to them.

A related case is the one about the woman shown in the J. Crew catalog painting her young son's toenails pink. As might be expected, this stirred up controversy from people who felt that it was inappropriate to encourage a boy to wear pink toe nail polish.

But why can't a boy have long hair or paint his toe nails if that's his choice? Or why can't a girl study math or play with trucks if that's her choice? These parents are trying not to set up expectations of what their child *should* do. They're saying You do what feels comfortable to you. Also, I believe their older children are identified as boys, so it's not like they're going to perpetuate this mystery forever.

Updated On: 5/28/11 at 12:16 PM

[Jordan Catalano]

Posted: 5/28/11 at 12:24pm

Yes, and that's all well and good in theory but we don't live in theory. We live in the real world where doing this to a child will have severe consequences on this childs life. It's great to let your child decide what he or she wants but he or she needs to understand that they have that choice first of all. Doing this to him/her now is taking away their choice to be what they want later on since society will already have branded them. It's cruel.

Posted: 5/28/11 at 12:27pm

No they aren't. You can raise a boy who plays with dolls and a girl who dresses like a lumberjack- it happens all the time. What these parents are doing is staging a major media event with their child as the centerpiece. How did the press get this story? They don't want to say if Storm is a boy or girl? Who cares? These folks for whatever reason, are using a tiny baby as a publicity prop. Obviously, there is no "secret" here for mom, dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc- all the people who really will influence this child. If they really were about raising a child free of expectations and gender roles, they'd do that quietly. This is a big fat publicity grab.

[Jordan Catalano]

Posted: 5/28/11 at 12:29pm

Of course it is and that's what I was saying. By doing this, the parents are taking away the childs right to choose what it wants to be in life because society will have already decided this is the shemale with bizarre parents.

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 5/28/11 at 1:16pm

If the kid were a hermaphrodite it could be confusing. What would parents declare as the sex then? Would they have a category or a choice?

I've read girls are commonly raised to appear as boys when young if there is no brother in Afghanistan so they can go outdoors alone and do tasks for the family. It gives them a certain amount of freedom which they have a hard time giving up later on.

[Kad]

Posted: 5/28/11 at 2:36pm

Well, the child is presumably not a hermaphrodite and isn't in Afghanistan, so..

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 5/28/11 at 3:17pm

Since we do not know the sex of the child, why presume the child is not a hermaphrodite?

[Kad]

Posted: 5/28/11 at 3:35pm

Well, the article actually states why we shouldn't: "Proud Toronto parents Kathy Witterick and David Stocker say there's nothing ambiguous about Storm's genitalia..."

Besides, it would be statistically safe to assume the child is not.

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 5/28/11 at 3:56pm

An interesting point for debate that's raised is the "what if," Kad.

Thus, what the parents are doing leads to other questions.

Some place in India has lots of hermaphrodites, they exist. In countries where boys are preferred perhaps parents try to raise them as that. I recall an article about such a child that at puberty seemed clearly to be changing to the opposite sex that they had been raised.

Perhaps the Canadian parents just want to foster the mystery of keeping the sex secret to push societal norms. But what do parents do if they aren't sure what to put and their society may not even offer them a category? Very hard and confusing for them, moreso than these Canadians. Maybe even dangerous in places where there is Moslem Shariah law which directs death for homosexuals; what about hermaphrodites and how do the parents cope? Does the kid get put to death if the sexual status is discovered?

[ahhrealmonsters]

Posted: 5/28/11 at 4:03pm

Actually, statistically wise, intersex babies are a lot more common than people think.

[Jordan Catalano]

Posted: 5/28/11 at 4:22pm

Intersex Baby Society sounds like an amazing band name.

[dramamama611]

Posted: 5/28/11 at 4:48pm

I'm all for encouraging your kid to be whomever they chose to be. but the child is (likely) either a boy or a girl -- what type of of girl or boy has yet to be seen.

My son loved Polly Pockets, my daughter had trains. As infants, we rough-housed with her, but as my son was colicky and suffered from reflux disease, he did not get manhandled in the same way. Today (at 10 and 14) he's a rough and tumble boy that still loves to snuggle and loves going to the theater. She's a girly girl style wise, but is the only girl to show up at the Future City and Robotics clubs. (she loves the theater as well)

sounds as if MOST of thier ideas about parenting are a bit odd -- but it sounds as if they love them and take care of them.

MOST parents indoctrine their kids with their own beliefs: political, moral, religous, family ideals -- it's the way of the world.

[TheatreDiva90016]

Posted: 5/28/11 at 5:32pm

I agree with Joe.

Why all of the noise if they want to keep things quiet?

And if I were the kids brother, I would be in there in the middle of the night, checking to see what I'm related to.

Updated On: 5/28/11 at 05:32 PM

[StockardFan]

Posted: 5/28/11 at 6:58pm

How long are they going to keep this up? To me it's just weird.

[dramamama611]

Posted: 5/28/11 at 10:26pm

Until the child decides to let everyone know.

[CapnHook]

Posted: 5/28/11 at 11:00pm

LET THE KID GROW UP IN THE REAL WORLD! If the parents are open-minded, the kid will have a loving family of support no matter what gender, gender identity, and sexual orientation. There's no need to make the kid a martyr for the cause! The potential psychological damage this child will have is miserable to think about.

[StockardFan]

Posted: 5/29/11 at 12:30am

"LET THE KID GROW UP IN THE REAL WORLD! If the parents are open-minded, the kid will have a loving family of support no matter what gender, gender identity, and sexual orientation. There's no need to make the kid a martyr for the cause! The potential psychological damage this child will have is miserable to think about."

Exactly

[singtopher]

Posted: 5/29/11 at 1:05am

The thing is everyone longs to identify with someone, and that requires having some sense of who you are. Kids don't really have that knowledge until they are older so this kid is going go through hell trying to figure out their identity. It's like they are afraid of this kid being confused, so they are just going to confuse them.

[Lavieboheme3090]

Posted: 5/29/11 at 11:58am

Is it bad if this the first thing I thought of?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1ilu-ARtiY

[AC126748]

Posted: 5/29/11 at 12:41pm

You are born a certain sex.
Gender is a choice.
Let the child grow up and choose their gender identity, but don't try to deny the fact that biological sex and performative gender exist.

[iflitifloat]

Posted: 5/29/11 at 12:58pm

I am sympathetic to trying to protect your child from scripted gender expectation. My son (now grown) was given dolls, and I avoided war toys and guns and all that stuff. But he grew up to be an open minded male with a preference for sports, but who wasn't uncomfortable when his roommate came out the summer before senior year in college.
By the time my daughter was born ten years later, I paid much less attention to the theoretical aspects of parenting. She never cared for dolls, but yet grew up to be a music teacher and loving children....open-minded and accepting of diversity in its many forms.

It seems to me that rather than using the baby as an experiment that could have unfortunate consequences for him/her, it would be more loving and constructive to help each child to grow up in a way that accepts the inherent characteristics that blossom as one grows. I think these parents mean well, it's just so rigid of a theory that it could possibly screw up the child's sense of self-identity.

Gender differences are real. Yeah, a lot of things aren't biologically determined (like my adoration of earrings). I just think acceptance is more important than control.

[dramamama611]

Posted: 5/29/11 at 2:54pm

It's not like their older 2 children are exactly hitting the "norm" - so why push the third one even further?

And YES! To Capnhook!

[Eris0303]

Posted: 5/29/11 at 11:01pm

It's not like their older 2 children are exactly hitting the "norm" - so why push the third one even further?

Based on the article Jazz is already having trouble. A five year old shouldn't be dealing with these issues. Kids have only so few years of innocence before they figure out what the world is really like. Why take that away from them?