Serious Discussion-Stress and Psych Disorders — Page 19

The idea of marriage creating stability in society is not necessarily about the bond between the people. It is the contract of how and when you are going to share resources etc. That is why it has been a legal issue and still needs to be a legal issue. (And also why religious beliefs should have no bearing on the situation.)

The extremely cynical, yet historically accurate view:
For thousands of years the contract was to ensure the woman remained subordinate to the man, that whatever property she or her family had, went to him. To maintain the status of the man as the one who makes the legally binding decisions. It also in most societies was solely at the discretion of the man to end the contract. (In this wholly unequal and marginalizing contract the definition of marriage as "between a man and woman" is necessary for purposes far more despicable than people seem to realize.)

As equality for women comes closer to being a reality the instution has changed so that now the contract issures some basics of equality. (The legal rights that so many gays and lesbians are fighting to have access to, without the current restrictions.) Such as helth care decisions and visittions, the manner in which resources are split, and the custody and care of children.

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I've had several long term relationships with men in my lifetime, and was engaged once. Thank god I never got married because I found that I'm not suited for it. Why? I have a hard time sharing my life and living space. I'm one of those people who treasures their time alone and very often considers it an intrusion if someone else is around. Maybe this comes with living alone for a long time, but in any case, that's me. I love my life the way it is, and never felt pressured to get marrried. I'm so thankful that I'm a person who was never affected by others' opinions.

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The Church's (Catholic and otherwise) attitude and effect on marriage is another subject that I have utmost contempt for.

Since "Jesus didn't do it" the Reformation Churches hold in it in less esteem, even while allowing it for their pastors.

The history of marriage in the church is another long and tricky story of pain humiliation and inequality.

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Updated On: 1/27/06 at 10:48 AM

Which Church are you in Beacon?

In my church there is no real stigma attached to being single. (by the institution, the people are another story) The ceremony of marriage is concidered an important right, though not a sacrament. And while there is some of the overt "be fruitful and multiply" talk, it is often taken very figuratively and used to express our need to create. Create anything, babies, art, an impact, etc.

The thread on 501c3 status reminded me of this additional aspect. Marriage has been used to solidify and control who is in which religious ethnic and social class. To keep the "races from mixing" or "religious identity from being lost."

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Updated On: 1/27/06 at 10:55 AM

Not at all, beacon.

Thank you for sharing all of this with us.

I appreciate the fact that this thread allows us all to have such important discussions in a supportive atmosphere. Thank you.

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bump.

Where's Mister Singer??? He named the topic, today!!!

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Beacon, that's beautifully put.

I've been through a number of chruches in my lifetime - Christian Reformed, Reformed, American Baptist, United Methodist, and now nondenominational. Yes, my family moved a LOT. The neat thing is, though, it let me have a grounding of common beliefs in the Christian faith and not take any one church's spin-off of the Bible any too seriously.

I've always been taught that marriage is a beautiful thing which allows families to flourish. However, I've never been taught that marriage was the ideal. I'm lucky in that my parents have never been the kind to pressure me to marry or have a boyfriend, but have always wanted to see that first and foremost, I was happy. My take on the issue of the church's (meaning universal Christian church as a whole, not any one building or denomination) position on marriage vs. singlehood is that if you're glorifying God, that's all that matters, and that one should be in a state where that's allowed to take place. If that means raising a family of kind and compassionate children, great. If that means marrying, being childless, and having the kind of home where people feel they can drop in any time for advice, that's great too. If that means being Cat Lady 'til you're 82 and taking in wounded strays, that's also fantastic. So, really, I guess that's pretty similar to what Beacon was saying.

Personally, I don't know if I'll ever marry, and I really don't care at the moment. I'm happy being a single gal now, and while I would love to marry and have babies I can see that if I never do, there will be freedoms and opportunities that I will enjoy that other folks, because of marital obligations, would never get to experience.

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Well, then, Addy - round up the men!

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(they're too busy posting on the cinematic castration thread... )

back to the topic at hand...

you both have written beautiful posts. I hope many people on here are at least reading them.

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agreed, Addy. but they are the only males who can participate in the institution. just saying.

and, yet, when a thread about supporting gay-marriage is started everyone participates. It's interesting that the historical perspective doesn't hold the same interest for the board at large. Just sayin...

Family issues, as tied to the issue of marriage are also undergoing much change, to be more inclusive of different options. It really is one of the most important topics that everyone in the 'village' should be discussing.

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"And stay-at-home Moms are encouraged to stretch their minds, take classes, and pursue activities that continue their learning and foster their talents/skills."

At one point I was considering dropping out of college to marry, and I'll never forget what my dad told me - "Educate a man, and you educate an individual. Educate a woman, and you educate a family." It stuck with me... and I'm still here!

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I will never forget how sad I felt after my 20th high school reunion. Most of my friends in high school were female--I was a varsity cheerleader, in theater and yearbook, so it just kind of happened. They ALL went to college. All were very bright and articulate--two doctors, three lawyers, a CPA, and a CEO among them. But, by the twentieth reunion, all but one were stay at home moms. Ablsolutely nothing wrong with that decision, it just made me sad to think about the potential possibilities and differences made if they had remained in the workforce.