Sorry to pee in your oatmeal, but the Perfect Mate does not exist

[MOXIEINTHECITY]

Posted: 6/26/06 at 11:09pm

I just got this MySpace bulletin for the 20th time this week. I can appreciate the sentiment behind it. It's just that when women send this little chain around to each other it just enforces this idea that the "perfect" guy is out there.

What's so bad about Mr. Almost Perfect?

I don't mean to sound cynical but...

This guy? The one described in the list below?


DOES. NOT. EXIST.

He is a fantasy. Whether or not he lets you wear his clothes is not indicative of how he feels about you. Messing with your hair is not a sign he's in it for the long haul. And, as for including you in most everything he does? Please shoot me, because I think I'd poke my eyes out with a fork if my guy and I were joined at the hip.

I truly get the sentiment of this bulletin. I do. And I'm not trying to be bitchy here. I appreciate that someone posted this and admire their ability to hope. But we do ourselves such a disservice by using bullet points like this to determine a partner's devotion.

Is he honest?
Doe he call when he say he'll call?
Does he call you on the way over to your place and ask you if you need anything?
Do you trust him?
Doe he speak to you with respect and conduct himself with honor?
Does he stick around after you argue?
If you found out you were sick - really sick - would he still be there?

THEN THAT'S YOUR GUY.



Here's the deal:

-Men look at other women. They just do. It's instinctual. Is he gawking? Then dump him.

-Men don't like to feel pressured to be "the boyfriend" when they're out with you and his friends. Want to impres shim? Go off and talk to the other girlfriends and let them talk about March Madness or whatever they talk about. Let him be a guy. Then take him home and ravage him privately.

-The picture thing? At weddings or at parties...have at it. But all the time? Like, when he's sleeping or when he's trying to hang a shelf in the closet? Seriously? He's a bad guy if he doesn't want o pose for a picture then?


-Swearing at him? I don't know about you but if a guy started cursing me out...I'm done. Why would you talk to someone you love like that?

-Get her mad then kiss her?Umm...when I was 11 that was cute. I'm 37. Get me mad on purpose and you're sleeping on the counch for the next couple days. Who has time or energy for faux fights?


-Stay up with her all night when she's sick. Okay, I'll give you that one.

-And when you fall in love with her, tell her. Absolutely.



"No one has truly shown me-What love could be like until now:
Not pretty or safe or easy.
But more than I ever knew. Love within reason -That isn't love.
And I've learned that from you"
-Stephen Sondheim's Passion


Look, I'm all about love and happiness. But don't use all the things below to determine a partner's "goodness."

==============================================

WHERE IS HE????
Body: Send her cute text messages

Kiss her in front of your friends.

Trust her over everyone else.

Tell her she looks beautiful.

Look her in the eye when you talk to her.

Tell her stupid jokes to make her laugh.

Let her mess with your hair.

Mess with HER hair.

Just walk around with her.

Include her in most things you do.

When she crys do whatever it takes to make her smile.

Forgive her for her mistakes.

Look at her like she's the only girl you see.

Tickle her even if she says stop.

Hold her hand even when you are around your friends.

When she starts swearing at you tell her you love her.

Let her fall asleep in your arms.

Get her mad, then kiss her.

Tease her and let her tease you back.

Stay up with her all night when she's sick.

Watch her favorite movie.

Kiss her forehead.

Give her the world.

Write her letters.

Let her wear your clothes.

When she's sad, hang out with her.

Let her know she is important.

Let her take all the photos of you she wants.

Kiss her in the rain.

And when you fall in love with her, tell her.

And when you do tell her....Love her like you never loved before.

Updated On: 6/26/06 at 11:09 PM

[SallyBrown]

Posted: 6/26/06 at 11:20pm

..sounds like one of my classmates (14 and 15 years btw) talking about their ideal boyfriend while lusting over the football players who are A) ugly and B) stupid.

Are you sure it wasn't one of us oblivious teens who wrote it? Seriously, it sounds exactly like what they would say.

And I love the title of this thread...

P.s. Ok I don't let ANYONE tickle me even when I tell them to stop. Seriously, that could suffocate you. I can't breathe when people tickle me...

[cturtle]

Posted: 6/26/06 at 11:21pm

my perfect mate exists

[soapguy17]

Posted: 6/26/06 at 11:21pm

You mean. . . . I'm not the perfect. . .mate? (I joke)

I agree. But, if everyone knew that then life would be boring. I don't think it's a crime to really want someone great.

[MOXIEINTHECITY]

Posted: 6/26/06 at 11:26pm

It's not the wanting someone great part that I take issue with. It's the rather insignifigant things that are included in this list that supposedly define the "perfect" boyfriend.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 6/26/06 at 11:29pm

I agree that it's stupid to define "perfection" in something as serious as a soul mate, so to speak, with a list of seemingly insignificant criteria, but I don't agree that that means perfection does not exist. Maybe I'm just too optimistic, but one doesn't automatically indicate the other; if you extrapolate one to mean the other, I think you're just taking what the list is saying too literally. It's not worth its face value. And, if the person who compiled it truly thinks that those little things define true "perfection," then that's her own idiocy own, not the failure of humanity. It shouldn't be taken seriously -- a MySpace bulletin of all things.

Updated On: 6/26/06 at 11:29 PM

[insomniak]

Posted: 6/26/06 at 11:31pm

I don't think anyone actually asked for advice, Moxie, and we're all very capable of clicking on one of your many self-promoting signature links if we did want your opinion.

I think we can all figure out for ourselves if we've found a good one, perfection nonwithstanding. Perfection is an individual term and not everyone measures it as you do.
Updated On: 6/26/06 at 11:31 PM

[Rose_MacShane]

Posted: 6/26/06 at 11:35pm

See, this is why I'm not on MySpace.
I much prefer your definitions of the so-called perfect man. That other guy sounds like a total wuss. I want someone who has a little fire in him, who won't roll over and let me win arguments all the time, who doesn't carry me around like a doll (I had a boyfriend who did that...we didn't last long), who lets me have my space...I guess the upshot is, I want a guy who will treat me well but won't treat me like Grandma's antique china.
And if a guy didn't stop tickling me after I told him to stop, I'd *make* him stop.

Updated On: 6/26/06 at 11:35 PM

[StageManager2]

Posted: 6/27/06 at 2:46am

"Give her the world.'

How does one do that? Seriously, that list is a joke!

[Taryn]

Posted: 6/27/06 at 7:56am

"Tickle her even if she says stop."

Hoo boy. Some of us have brothers who tickled them WAY too much when they were little, and now, when they say stop, you STOP tickling, or you will get hurt.

Fortunately my boyfriend can tell the difference between a playful "stop" that I don't really mean and a serious one, in which case he stops immediately. Updated On: 6/27/06 at 07:56 AM

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 6/27/06 at 10:58am

For me, I don't listen to any of these relationship advice things. They all assume there should be only one defined relationship dynamic, when it simply isn't possible. For example, I know many men who love to play "the boyfriend" role. And yes, I'm talking about football-loving straight men. If a guy gawks at a girl, you should dump him? Have you ever seen women around a male stripper? Please! That's a total double-standard. I know more women who have cheated than men.

[erikaamato]

Posted: 6/27/06 at 11:31am

It's a MySpace bulletin obviously posted by a youngster. Who cares? We all thought that way (at least to a degree) when we were in high school, didn't we?

If I got annoyed by every moronic MySpace bulletin I saw, then I'd probably spend all day annoyed.

Fortunately, most of my "friends" on MySpace are bit more, er, "mature," so I don't get these sorts of bulletins too often. =)

[Calvin]

Posted: 6/27/06 at 11:41am

Is "sorry to pee in your oatmeal" a common expression? Whatever happened to Post Toasties?

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 6/27/06 at 11:45am

I thought it was "dont pee on my leg and tell me it's raining" or the Simpsons version, "dont spit on my cupcake and tell me it's frosting!"

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 6/27/06 at 11:49am

no, it's "don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining." "who peed in your cornflakes?" is a common expression used to ask why someone is upset.

heh, frosting...

Updated On: 6/27/06 at 11:49 AM

[NYadgal]

Posted: 6/27/06 at 11:52am

just don't pee in my 'pagne...

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 6/27/06 at 11:54am

pink and yellow make...ewwwwwwww

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 6/27/06 at 12:01pm

Papa, I was referring to Judge Judy's best seller, and the Simpsons character based on her, Constance Harm.

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 6/27/06 at 12:04pm

i feel like such a failure. abandoned by my cultural wits. i so need to watch more daytime television.

[NYadgal]

Posted: 6/27/06 at 12:12pm

Are you saying my pee is pink?

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 6/27/06 at 12:13pm

god i hope not. if it is you should really see a doctor. mine was pink once and it was a kidney stone. ouch!

[RobbO]

Posted: 6/27/06 at 1:13pm

this threadjack brought to you by the letter "p"

[CJR]

Posted: 6/27/06 at 2:14pm

*head in hands*

Did you honestly go on a whole 'tirade' about this on a board mostly compiled of adults? (yeah yeah I know we have a lot of kids here).... come on now, it's a myspace bulliten. People are not perfect therefore it is impossible for the perfect person to exist. However, it is NOT impossible to meet the perfect person for you. Many of us have.

Oy. Seriously, why am I even dignifying this with a response? Nevermind, I'm going back to my paperwork now.

[RobbO]

Posted: 6/27/06 at 2:16pm

actually, cjr, it's *boobs in hands*

[CJR]

Posted: 6/27/06 at 2:24pm

That's true, dear. You know, I spend so much time with my boobs in my hands, Im not quite sure how I ever manage to get anything else done.

Oh yes, that's right, that's why I have minions, er, interns! haha