The Late Joan Rivers: 'Does this urn make my ash look fat?' — Page 21

Amen.

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I'm really heartbroken by this news. For some reason, it's hitting me harder than usual. I really thought she might pull through. Happy that she had a full life and career, didn't suffer, and went peacefully. But it's crazy how you can be so alive and vibrant one minute, and so NOT, the next. Rest in peace, Joanie. And thanks for all the laughs! I'm going to miss you a lot!

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“A few days after 9/11,” Jonathan Van Meter recalled in a 2010 New York magazine article, “she called and asked me if I wanted to meet her for lunch at Windows on the Ground.”

This strikes me as funny in light of the 9/11 Memorial Cheese Plate.

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RIP Joan Rivers. Being publicly told that my dress is hideous will never feel quite as awesome. You will be truly missed.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) September 4, 2014

It was a treat running into Joan in the hallways at E!…she was always on... always a riot. Our thoughts are w/ you & your family @MelRivers.
— Ryan Seacrest (@RyanSeacrest) September 4, 2014

RIP Joan Rivers. You made us laugh and happy.
— Kristin Chenoweth (@KChenoweth) September 4, 2014


Sad news @JoanRivers was one of the hardest working, funniest & sweetest women I've ever met. Twas a pleasure to have known you #JoanRanger
— Sarah Hyland (@SarahHyland) September 4, 2014

We will miss you @Joan_Rivers. What you did in your life was absolutely remarkable. Your rep for kindness to everyone was completely true
— Joel McHale (@joelmchale) September 4, 2014

My heart is broken. Joan Rivers RIP. Gone way too soon. All my thoughts & prayers are with Melissa & her family.
— Jesse Tyler Ferguson (@jessetyler) September 4, 2014

#RIPJoanRivers #Legend http://t.co/9ob1DD1sEb
— Ken Baker (@kenbakernow) September 4, 2014

Heaven just got a whole lot funnier. #RIPJoan
— Andy Cohen (@Andy) September 4, 2014

RIP Joan. What a tough trailblazing lady. We've lost so much laughter this year.
— josh groban (@joshgroban) September 4, 2014

NOOOOOOOO.......... RIP Joan. You will be forever missed.
— Kelly Ripa (@KellyRipa) September 4, 2014

RIP Joan. You were a true force of nature. You will be missed pic.twitter.com/jqph31dhSB
— Jack Osbourne (@JackOsbourne) September 4, 2014

RIP beautiful, lovely, talented, hard-working & always hilarious @Joan_Rivers
— Alicia Quarles (@alicialquarles) September 4, 2014

In shock hearing that joan rivers died. She felt like someone who was ageless and would live forever. I still don’t really believe it.
— Bethenny Frankel (@Bethenny) September 4, 2014

.@Joan_Rivers was a dear & wonderful friend who I've known for 45yrs. Great guest, pal, comedian & mother. We will never see her likes again
— Larry King (@kingsthings) September 4, 2014

RIP the mighty Joan Rivers. Funny & fearless. Truly one of a kind.
— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) September 4, 2014

Joan Rivers @Joan_Rivers was an amazing woman and a great friend. Her energy and talent were boundless. She will be greatly missed.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 4, 2014

Thank you for the laughs. pic.twitter.com/JJL0QiZpx5
— Stacy London (@stacylondon) September 4, 2014

Thanks for the laughs @Joan_Rivers ! The last woman to bed me!
— Lance Bass (@LanceBass) September 4, 2014

RIP Joan Rivers. A force of nature.
— Seth Meyers (@sethmeyers) September 4, 2014

So sad,each time i met her always thought what a wonderful lady,gracious humble and funny. It's a huge loss.#RIP Joan Rivers.
— Lisa Vanderpump (@LisaVanderpump) September 4, 2014

Rest In Peace Joan Rivers. thoughts and prayers to her family and those who knew her. She was one of a kind. She will be missed
— Leah Remini (@LeahRemini) September 4, 2014

Rest in peace, funny lady. We will miss you.
— catt sadler (@IAmCattSadler) September 4, 2014

A legend, a friend, a mentor, an icon, and wildly funny. One of a kind. RIP #JoanRivers @joan_rivers pic.twitter.com/jnAC5G4AQo
— Kathy Griffin (@kathygriffin) September 4, 2014

Sending love to @MelRivers and family. What a life and what a woman.
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) September 4, 2014

So heartbroken ... @Joan_Rivers we remember the laughs with tears xo
— Hoda Kotb (@hodakotb) September 4, 2014

we lost a great one in @Joan_Rivers - she was funny all the way to the end
— Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) September 4, 2014

We will all miss you darling, Joan. From your family at E! #RIPJoanRivers
— Melanie Bromley (@melaniebromley) September 4, 2014

We've lost a true legend today and an amazing woman - a pioneer. She opened up the arena for women in comedy....
— Sharon Osbourne (@MrsSOsbourne) September 4, 2014

Unapologetically offensive, kind, tough, complicated, irrepressible, supremely energetic...and above all, bloody funny. RIP Joan Rivers.
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) September 4, 2014

Saddened that Joan Rivers has passed. What a legacy she leaves. Praying for Melissa, Cooper & their family
— Candace Cameron Bure (@candacecbure) September 4, 2014

My friend Joan Rivers has passed away once again to quote Billy Crystal... There are no words. Bon Voyage Joan ??
— Whoopi Goldberg (@WhoopiGoldberg) September 4, 2014

So funny and irrepressible. Rest in peace, Joan Rivers.
— bob saget (@bobsaget) September 4, 2014

Joan Rivers. What an extraordinary life. Changed comedy. She will be missed. Thoughts and prayers for Melissa and Cooper. God bless them all
— Al Roker (@alroker) September 4, 2014

I was wondering if his first name was Edgar. But still...kinda hilarious. I think Joan would have laughed.

RIP Joan. Thoughts and Prayers with the entire family.

Now FindingNamo can stomp on your grave, spit on your casket, and Piss in your ashes. Just as he always hoped to do. Perhaps, after that, his bitter and jaded view of the world will finally get a little better. He can move past whatever psychological damage you seem to have caused him in his prepubescent fairy life.

Joan to Headband: Shut up, Headband. You're so stupid you return bowling balls because they've got holes in them.

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PalJoey. You are not Melissa. You are not related to Joan. You are a fan... That's it. That is it. Do not speak for her.

^ RIGHT? I remember thinking when my David passed that I had a list of at least a hundred names I could have submitted for consideration.

And unlike Joan Rivers, it can't find a f*cking joke with a map, a flashlight and a goddamn Sherpa guide leading the way.

I urge people (not the headband, I said people) to read the Sheffield piece:

The night Whitney Houston died, Joan Rivers ripped her apart on Fashion Police. Whitney was the #1 Must-See Look of the Week on Joan's Friday-night E! bitchfest, but not for the right reasons. They showed a papparazzi photo of Whitney looking rough in a T-shirt and jeans, escorted by R&B stud/reality-TV star Ray J. "What a chic way to come off a bender," Joan said. "She is living the American dream. Whitney Houston has gone from ****ing crazy to ****ing Ray J." Then she did a joke about asking Whitney if she’d really blown her voice. Joan croaked and wheezed: "'It's not true, Joan! And I will always love you!'"

A few hours later, Whitney drowned in her hotel bathtub, so E! wisely yanked the episode—it only aired once. (It lives on in my DVR — I was a hardcore Joan fan and Fashion Police junkie.) But it sums up Joan at her nastiest — she'd kick you when you were down, all the way to death’s door. She was gloriously mean — so mean that she would have responded to all the sentimental deathbed tributes with one of her oh, grow up. She died the way she lived — making a scene, complicating other people’s holiday weekends, generally being a pain in the ass. She was the Morrissey of her generation. I miss her already.

There's a lot more.

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Updated On: 9/4/14 at 05:00 PM

I'm reading the piece, Namo. This paragraph nearly made me soil myself:

'But as far as this fan is concerned, Joan did her most brilliant work as the madwoman in E!'s attic. She spent her golden years on Fashion Police, a very strange show where Joan sat in a cheap-looking studio with three minions paid to laugh at the boss' jokes. (Watching these sad ducks compete to laugh loudest was a sadistic kick—the closest we’ll ever get to seeing one of Stalin’s Politburo meetings.) In weekly bits like "Bitch Stole My Look" or "Guess Me From Behind," she trashed celebs she’d clearly never heard of before. Showing a picture of Florence and the Machine, Joan cracked, "I hope the machine is a vibrator."'