Joel Grey Comes Out Publicly: 'I'm a Gay Man' — Page 4

As Emma Goldman said, if I can't have sex I don't want to be part of your sexual revolution.

WHY has there been such a drift since the dawn of assimilationism to remove the SEX from homosexuality? And WHY DOES IT SEEM TO BE WINNING?

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As Emma Goldman said, if I can't have sex I don't want to be part of your sexual revolution.

I believe the full Emma Goldman quotation is "If I can't have sex I don't want to be part of your sexual revolution...but sometimes it's okay just to cuddle, no?"

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Updated On: 1/29/15 at 09:13 PM

Just replying the close the html tag.

Namo, I'm certainly not anti-sex, and I'm not asexual by any stretch (although after 22 years with my husband, God knows we don't bone like we used to). But I do think being gay is a lot more than boning, and lots and lots of folks who for whatever reason don't have sex can still be thoroughly and actively gay.

Similarly one act of gay sex does not make someone gay, just as my college roommate's well-meaning schemes to have me sleep with the pretty coed down the hall sure didn't make me straight.

"How do you know what it feels like… for a girl? How do you know feeling like a girl doesn't feel exactly the way you feel?"

Those are very good questions that took me years to answer. I became faintly aware five or six years ago that I was experiencing gender differently from the girls around me. I could not place anything specifically, but I had a constant vague feeling that something was off. At that point, I still thought a person could either be male or female, so I had no idea what to make of my feelings. Also, I was scared and suppressed them/gave them hardly any thought for several years. Roughly two years ago, one of my close friends came out as non-binary and I was intrigued by that, but also frightened at the thought that I might be trans. So for the last two or so years, I've done a lot of research into gender to make sense of things. Most of my friends are girls, so I've talked to them about how they understand their gender and I feel differently. (Also, I've had a few (like three altogether) very brief, but distinct moments, where I did feel like a girl, which was markedly different from how I almost always feel otherwise.) Once I understood that, I looked into specific non-binary genders that other people identify with and experimented with different labels until I found one that felt comfortable and matched my own concept of my gender. There is no way to know anything for sure, and gender can become very complex and personal and is significantly tied to personal comfort and I also do not presume to know everything--I am still learning more about it. But I have given this a lot of thought and I do not take my identity lightly.

"more famous for snark and vitriol than a compassionate ear"

You're not looking in the right places.

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"You're not looking in the right places."

Namo, you're wrong, I always look in the right places -- I faithfully read every post of yours I can find.

Updated On: 1/29/15 at 10:37 PM

I met a young man a couple of weeks ago in a bar who told me he wasn't attracted feminine guys and then talked for an hour about the virtues of Katy Perry and OMG Gaga!!! I tried to pick a fight with him about it, but it didn't end up working out the way I planned.

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Yeah, but I was ethically conflicted about it for, like, HOURS the next day.

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So I guess that means you're not feminine. At least, in the eyes of that Katy Perry/Gaga fan.

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Updated On: 1/30/15 at 09:53 AM

I met a young man a couple of weeks ago in a bar who told me he wasn't attracted feminine guys and then talked for an hour about the virtues of Katy Perry and OMG Gaga!!!

I love this phenomenon so much. Several years ago there was a poster on this board who took umbrage at me calling him "Girl." I felt that it was strange that someone whose avatar was a picture of him holding a Carol Channing doll while standing next to Carol Channing herself would take offense to that. Also, the boy on this board with a picture of Bernadette Peters wearing a tiara as his avatar who was looking for bars where he could find "real guys", too, so I feel like self-awareness ain't exactly a cornerstone of my gay brethern.

Yeah, it’s all pretty gross. I try so hard not to think in those terms – or, rather, not to make judgments or assumptions based on those terms. It’s hard when you’re brought up in a patriarchal society, like being raised in a racist family.

One thing I told him was, “If you were in a room with my brother-in-law and his friends, like, watching a football, I’ve got news for you – in that group, you’re pretty femme.” He didn’t like that. And I didn’t like saying it. But it addressed the reality of what he seemed to be oblivious to and how he’s just perpetuating that nonsense by not just buying into it, but espousing it, too. I don’t think I changed his mind, though.

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Updated On: 1/30/15 at 11:36 AM

I would NEVER say that. But I might tell him my pal, Joey, told me to say it.

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