Raul Esparza Interview in Sunday Times- Page 6

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 12:05am

I wonder that, too; maybe his mom. KIDDING. But I don't know, since he and the guy he's invovled with aren't ready to go public yet. That relationship itself is... messy.

Anyway, it's done some travelling:
https://perezhilton.com/topics/latinolicious/the_jesuits_make_your_children_gay_20061125.php
I was nervous when I saw the link, but he's not an asshole about it. The one thing that's bothering me as I'm reading various things in cyber space (I have nothing better to do and I'm on break) is that people are very quick to slap the labels on -- to call him "gay" or "bisexual" -- when he obviously is wrestling with and avoiding a term just yet. It's to be expected and it's nitpicky, but it bugs me.

Raul's story has a lot of sort of bizarre qualities to it, that I do think make the role model issue tough, but I think it's no less good that he can now join the ranks, so to speak. He's in wonderful company.

Updated On: 11/26/06 at 12:05 AM

[Mandi Moo]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 12:08am

My jaw literally dropped when I opened up good ol' perezhilton.com and saw that.
Updated On: 11/26/06 at 12:08 AM

[orangeskittles]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 1:50am

I am all for Gay Actors coming out so young people will have it easier, but Raul's story may make it harder for young people, after hearing what he is still going thru.
And the timing is suspect, as the show is about to happen and coming on the heels of Neil Patrick and TR Knight, though they seem much more together as Gay Men (but I don't know them personally so I really can't say)

I don't see how "together" someone is should make a difference. If it's going towards this ultimate goal of someone's sexuality not mattering, it shouldn't only be the 100% secure with a life partner, surrogate-mothered kids and leading the gay pride parade that come out in the press. I think this is much better than those interviews, because not everyone is completely secure with their sexuality even when they are out, so for The Advocate or whatever to only interview the people like those I mentioned above presents this false perception that you're not allowed to come out until you are completely secure. I'd think that pubically showing that there are people out there that continue to struggle makes for a much better role model than portraying out "celebrities" as superhumans that never have any doubts or hardships.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 2:02am

Thank you, skittles. I totally agree; I think that to admit conflict and confusion over who you are takes just as much, if not more, bravery than does coming out in total security. It's courageous, yet sadly vulnerable.

I'm still in disbelief.

[AnythingCanHappen]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 2:08am

"MB, I can't speak on behalf of all Raul fans everywhere, but of all the fans I know, we've known for years. It hasn't effected our opinion of him- which is first and foremost about him as an actor."

Unless he specifically told you his orientation, that comment is horribly rude.

And as far as having a motive... I am pretty sure as a homosexual myself, most of us have enough problems without trying to draw attention to it. [I do not seek publicity with my gayness, it just happens. ]

[Toon]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 2:22am

I was reading through the comments about him trying to "work it out" with his wife and what that meant. I didn't interpret that to mean he was trying to work out or save his marriage. I kind of thought he sounded like he was trying to work out keeping her in his life. By him saying it was "an end", it sounded like he was resolving himself to the fact that the marriage itself was over but he didn't want a relationship with his wife to end. Not in a "have your cake and eat it to" kind of way (like someone said), but in a way where they are still a part of each other's lives.
Updated On: 11/26/06 at 02:22 AM

[CurtainPullDowner]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 2:24am

But isn't discussing your sexual confusion just as u are about to open in a high profile role on Broadway smell of self promotion and pity?
Especially coming from someone most of his fans call a "private" person?
Seems he has fooled all of you.
He is using his story to push his show.
and that is totally his right and Show biz to the Max.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 2:31am

Please, incredibly rude would be to go about having a conversation like what went on today while he was still in the closet. This information has been around for the taking for years without him saying a word about his orientation. People have eyes and ears and they TALK. That's only common logic. It's not about who has it; it's about how it's used, and as far as any of the accused parties go, it hasn't been in public.

Most of his fans call him "private" because until now, he has been, and not just because he was in the closet. He's been known to, while being very candid, maintain a very strictly business-only public persona. He will talk about his work until the proverbial cows come home, but mostly only his work. Don't use your cynicism to make US out to be the fools. What I hate most about situations like this is when people who KNOW what this is like trivialize, call it a cry for pity and show zero sensitivity because they're jaded cynics. I know you think he's an asshole, CPD, but really, you're being kind of tactless. One interview after all of these years doesn't negate everything else.

Updated On: 11/26/06 at 02:31 AM

[AnythingCanHappen]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 2:41am

well, again this could just be personal, unless i have told someone that i am/they have heard specificially from me about my orientation, for them to be talking about it with no candor whatsoever is rude.

[C is for Company]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 2:41am

Such courage, yet startling and sad. It is inspiring to see a low-key person detailing such troublesome issues he has dealt with for the public to read. I don't know how wise it is, but it was a personal decision on his part that I am sure he is satisfied with making.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 2:45am

It would be rude to have done so before he was open about it. I know most of his fans on the boards have been incredibly respectful of his choice to remain in the closet up until now, when a million and one opportunities to talk about it have presented themeslves over the years. I think the rules change when someone is in the public eye, inherently, because there are those underground gossip channels, but the fact on this one is that because of certain escapades, people have known for a long time.

Updated On: 11/26/06 at 02:45 AM

[AnythingCanHappen]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 2:54am

well yes, now that it is in the open, it is 'fair game,' absolutely. But for her to say "well, we all understood" unless there were spoken words or undeniable evidence *other than his adorableness* before this 'coming out' or whatever is rude.

Updated On: 11/26/06 at 02:54 AM

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 3:01am

Why, though? It was understood. And understood that it shouldn't be spoken about. I don't know if you think this comes from situtations like looking at him, seeing limp wrists and going "my GOD he must be gay!" or what that makes you assume it was rude and out of line. Yes, that would be rude, but it's been done. There's a difference, though, between an assumption and learning something that's to be kept shut. Again, for her to say what she said before today would have been a problem in my eyes. But if the truth is that we knew, I really don't see an issue with admitting that now.

In fact, I'd be surprised if HE didn't know people knew.

ETA -- I'm just going to PM you because this seems a contest of how the information came about.

Updated On: 11/26/06 at 03:01 AM

[orangeskittles]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 3:17am

Considering you don't know what I'm referring to and how I know, you have no right to claim that I'm rudely making assumptions without evidence. If he's going to show up to dinner with friends and introduce them to his boyfriend, people will know even if it wasn't yet on the front cover of the Arts and Leisure section.

Updated On: 11/26/06 at 03:17 AM

[AnythingCanHappen]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 3:38am

sent you a PM orangeskittles.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 8:33am

I'm glad I read the article before this thread. His honesty IS astonishing, as Emcee said, and--as MichaelBennett said--more appropriate to a therapist's office than the NY Times.

But, typically, CurtainPullDowner attributes nasty motives to Raul's actions. I am always astonished at how nasty CurtainPullDowner delights in being.

It is clear from the explosive nature of his confessions that Raul's sudden honesty after several years of privacy is not to get publicity but to finally be able to STOP being dishonest.

I don't think he implies that he wants to "go straight again" and go back to his wife. I think it's clear that he "adores" her as an adored best friend and wants her to be in his life in a way that she can feel good about too.

The most moving part of the article, for me, was what he said about being haunted by the lover who committed suicide. Bisexuality is a difficult subject; surviving the suicide of a loved one is just as difficult or more so.

So I'm amazed that he aired all that dirty laundry in the NY Times (not so dirty, actually), and I wish him peace, success and happiness. I can't WAIT to see the show.

[nobodyhome]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 9:00am

I'm with those few who feel that he doesn't come off too well in this. He could have come out—which I do think is what he's done—without going into so much detail about his wife and parents. He may have cleared it all with them before he even did the interview, but even if he did, I don't think he comes off well.

As has been suggested, a lot of this is stuff to be discussed with your therapist and close friends, friends who you trust will not then blab it to the whole world.

And to the people who think this is so admirable on his part, would you feel that way if you had been in a relationship with him and then he basically left you and talked about his relationship with you in this kind of detail in the New York Times? Maybe you'd feel honored, but I don't think so.

[Behind_the_Spotlight]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 9:14am

Nobody... having been in a similar situation (my boyfriend came out after 2 1/2 years, though thank god before we did anything like get married) I really have to say... yes, I'd be ok with it. I was ok with it. I was ok with him telling his family we were still together until he found the right time to talk about it. And I encouraged him to write about it for a college class. No, it wasn't nearly an identical situation, but as far as do I think he dishonored his wife in any way? Not at all.

[iluvtheatertrash]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 9:20am

A relationship is messy because they don't want the entire world to know about it? What sense does that make? Personally, I think the relationship is more probable to last the longer it stays private. They can enjoy one another's company without the demands of the public.

[nobodyhome]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 9:29am

Thanks for the response, Behind_the_Spotlight, but I do feel, from your description, that the two situations are different (as you yourself say). A college paper is not the New York Times. And you weren't married and with a child. And he wasn't famous (I presume).

And it's not just his wife. I wonder what his mother will feel, presuming that he plans to continue having a relationship with her.

I don't want to make it sound like I think he's a despicable human being. But I also don't see anything admirable about the way in which he's done this.

And just so there's no misunderstanding, I'm all for people coming out, I wish more prominent people would. I think it's good that he came out, I just feel this wasn't the best way to do so. And even if his wife is OK with the way he did it, I still think he doesn't come off as very sensitive to her feelings, not to mention those of his parents'. There was no need for some of those details.

[Feathah]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 9:53am

I really admire him being so publicly candid about this. Like many others on this board I was pretty surprised. Especially because he seems to be smack in the middle of a very messy and confusing part of his life. It's not like he is doing this interview at a time when he may have figured things out and at a point when he was a bit more settled. From the article he seems to sorting through it all right now.

Sexuality is a very complex issue. It's all a gray area. And I think the interview really illustrates that. We have no way of knowing what repercussions there may or may not be in his personal life.

I do think this interview is going to take him to a new level. Whether that was his intent or not, who knows. People will be chatting about this for some time. I think you'll also see the press that follows about Company make reference to this interview.

I also want to add I have a fan of Raul since seeing him Rocky Horror. I know fans and his fellow theater professionals have had some negative experiences with him. I have always found him to be very generous and sweet.

[Behind_the_Spotlight]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 10:04am

No, he wasn't famous, which is why, as we both say, it's not the same. And no, we weren't married, but everyone we knew expected us to go there eventually. All I was really saying was, from the perspective of someone who was with someone for a really long time (well, compared to how young we were) and then having him come out, I don't feel he was being particularly insensitive to her feelings. He says they are best friends, which was (and still is) my case as well, so I assume this was done with her blessing.

As for his parents, I can't really say. Other people have said it better than I can. I just felt like his honesty and what people are saying is overshare are what moved me about the article.

Also, I didn't think he had children?

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 10:19am

No one is mentioning that the teacher to whom he refers had a family as well (by family I don't mean a wife and children), who may not be so thrilled by all this either.

[nobodyhome]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 10:39am

I may be wrong, but I thought I'd read in a piece about him a few years ago that he and his wife had a child.

[jimnysf]

Posted: 11/26/06 at 10:46am

He has some serious mother issues. Time to kick her to the curb and get on with his life!

I am neither shocked nor suprised when I hear about a musical theatre actor being gay or bi. I don't know why others are.