Verbal abuse in the audience- Page 2

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 1/21/15 at 3:15pm

"I'm taller, so I understand this is just something I might have to do (to the best of my ability and comfort) for the sake of someone else's enjoyment of a show they've spent money to see."

You're part of the solution. I heart bluetuna.

[promisespromises2]

Posted: 1/21/15 at 3:39pm

I have extremely thick and unruly hair that I often wear in a high bun… because I literally have no idea how to tame this lions mane. And this is one of my fears when going to the theatre. I make sure that I either spend half an hour straightening my hair and wear it down or I make sure it's in a very low pony. Its frustrating when you can't see, but if I'm ever in that situation I just suck it up. Unless it's a ridiculously out-of-control scenario, I can manage.

The fact that they called her disgusting makes them disgusting. There is just no excuse for that part.

[orangeskittles]

Posted: 1/21/15 at 3:47pm

Her tangent about the opera's casting was a bit odd. Ancient Egyptians were ethnically Middle Eastern, not black. And in my experience, opera is better about colorblind casting leads than any other medium.

People who lean forward in the mezzanine should be strapped to the back of the seat with seat belts against their will until they learn.

[whatever2]

Posted: 1/21/15 at 3:49pm

again, there's a known pattern of rude behavior there. even if "disgusting" wasn't consciously racist, i'm prepared to believe it was intentionally vicious.

matter and anit-matter met at the opera. it wasn't going to end well.

but few operas do.

Updated On: 1/21/15 at 03:49 PM

[whatever2]

Posted: 1/21/15 at 3:50pm

oh, and skittles: Aida is an *Ethiopian* princess. Her people had just been enslaved by the Egyptians after losing a war. That's integral to the plot.

[givesmevoice]

Posted: 1/21/15 at 3:55pm

I have curly hair that I keep shoulder length or shorter and I had someone complain once (behind me, not to me) that my hair was blocking her view. I'm also only 5'2" and my hair does not take up a particularly wide swath of area, so I'm not really sure how my hair was blocking her view.

That being said, as has previously been mentioned, there are a lot of cultural politics tied up with natural hair, and it seems to me that a woman with natural hair is more likely to get called out about it than a lady with a teased, hairsprayed bouffant.

[Liza's Headband]

Posted: 1/21/15 at 4:00pm

That's one person's POV. That's not a fact that can be substantiated. I think any hairstyle -- whether natural, teased, etc. -- that blocks someone's view should be called out. Someone cannot control how tall they are. They can, however, control how they "wear" their hair and if they take their fellow audience members into consideration when styling it.

[givesmevoice]

Posted: 1/21/15 at 4:01pm

Well tall people can control where they sit and yet they don't all sit in the last row.

[RippedMan]

Posted: 1/21/15 at 4:48pm

I actually find her "disgusting" for even implying this is some sort of race issue. They were talking about her behavior, not her "natural" hair. No one cares whose hair it is. It's rude to comply with someone and then decide "no thanks" and go against it. Just move seats, switch with someone, switch with the couple, etc.

[artscallion]

Posted: 1/21/15 at 4:48pm

I'm 6' and my husband is 6'4". So I'm conscious that might make it difficult for people behind us in a theatre. So I intentionally sit low in my seat and try not to bob my head around so the folks behind us aren't having to dodge around trying to see between us. It's part of being in a public space. You have to be considerate of how your presence effects those around you.

I wonder if it just never occurred to the girl that her hair would be an issue. So she was embarrassed when it was pointed out to her. Embarrassment can easily turn to defensiveness and aggression in these circumstances.

[haterobics]

Posted: 1/21/15 at 4:55pm

She didn't seem to have any realistic expectations, since she wanted the floor manager to yell at the other person?!

And then, when he refuses to do that (as anyone would), she came back with "I recorded it so I have proof. I'm sure the Metropolitan Opera doesn't condone this sort of behavior. I'm sure you wouldn't want this sort of thing to get out."

So, it went from yell at him or I'm going to make a big public stink about this? Which, of course, is what she did...

[whatever2]

Posted: 1/21/15 at 5:01pm

why do people feel the need take sides, concluding she was wronged or they were wronged? everyone behaved badly. sure racially-tinged bad behavior beats garden-variety bad behavior in the race to the bottom, but there is no "right" here.

we're all g*d's flawed creatures.

[Susanswerphone]

Posted: 1/21/15 at 7:10pm

Collier,
You obviously don't like opera anyway so, please do the rest of us a big favor and stay the hell home!
And remember, when in public, Hair Up! Don't Pouf!

[romain2]

Posted: 1/21/15 at 7:46pm

I used to usher for various community theaters back in the late '80s-early '90s and the very very worst place to usher was the opera house. People were incredibly rude. One guy yelled at me just because I started showing him to his seat. "I'm a season subscriber I know where my seats are!!!" he screamed. Of course many of these rude people fell instantly asleep and snored loudly, decked out in their finest just so they take naps.

The worst experience I had recently I had at a theatre recently as a theatregoer was at an opera house in a major city. This woman 4 rows back screamed that she wanted me to change seats because she couldn't see. (the opera house has terrible sight lines) And when I looked she had a whole empty row to herself and there were several empty rows behind her--she could have easily moved). This was just as the lights were going down for Act 2. I'm 5' 11' by the way, not a giant and I have in the past switched seats with my shorter friend if people behind me ask us nicely. I can honestly say I'm very considerate. She called me names and said I was an "inconsiderate inconsiderate man". The usher calmed her down and then whispered to me "stay where you are, she's a regular and she does this all the time."

So unfortunately I view going to the opera as uncivilized civilized behavior.

Translation: I'm on Collier's side.

Updated On: 1/21/15 at 07:46 PM

[jemjeb2]

Posted: 1/22/15 at 12:05pm

"Tall people can control where they sit..."
Really? Can short people "control" where they sit? Well then, if so, they should always sit in front where those out of control tall people won't block their view.

[haterobics]

Posted: 1/22/15 at 12:49pm

My favorite is at GA concerts, when someone will be behind me and say "You're too tall, I can't see..." and it's like, you chose to stand behind me?! What am I missing?! Stand somewhere else?

[GiantsInTheSky2]

Posted: 1/22/15 at 5:36pm

I get that as a black woman, she deals with a lot of bull**** regarding her race and natural hair. With that being said, you can't walk through life assuming that every issue is exactly the same.

Sure, kids hated me in middle school because I was the only openly gay kid and they didn't understand. Kids also hated me in high school, but I didn't go assuming it had to do with my sexuality. It had to do with me being an asshole in high school.

It's silly to think that there's only one reason for people to have an issue with you. We're all ****ed up human beings, there are a million possibilities. "When you ASSUME, you are making an ASS out of U and ME."

[nyla123]

Posted: 1/22/15 at 5:57pm

Wow the lack of self-awareness in this thread and overeager attempt to defend racists is kind of depressing. Criticism about natural black hair comes with the implication that it is somehow lesser or more wild and thus black people are lesser and more wild. The language and tone (even before they showed their hand by using the word "disgusting") used by those who were complaining were full of dog whistle nonsense alluding to that idea. Being told to "tame" your hair or implying that she shouldn't wear it natural is straight up racist and having natural black hair shouldn't prevent you from being able to attend the opera or theater any more than being tall should.

The fact that people here would go out of their way to attack a victim of hateful remarks (admittedly her outfit was a bit casual) and defend racist behavior instead of sympathizing or at least trying to understand why she would be hurt is pretty vile and reeks of unchecked privilege.

Updated On: 1/22/15 at 05:57 PM

[Liza's Headband]

Posted: 1/22/15 at 6:26pm

This would be an issue regardless of skin color. If a white woman had that kind of hair and complained about it, I don't think any sympathy would be given. There is a basic expectation that you be considerate of the patrons around you. If there is something within your control that will better improve the experience of your fellow audience members, such as the way you style or wear your hair, then do it. If it's something that is out of your control, such as height, then I think there is a basic understanding in most human beings to just "deal with it." Hair, on the other hand, is a superficial device. It can be controlled...tamed...changed...

[nyla123]

Posted: 1/22/15 at 7:16pm

"This would be an issue regardless of skin color."

That is 100% false. The author's hairstyle is how black women's hair naturally grows, its only an issue because of her race. She doesn't have a particularly unruly style (it's not like it was a giant afro three times the size of her head), that's just what happens for many black women when they have shoulder length hair. It can be "controlled...tamed...changed" (which, great word choice btw) but only at great cost and effort. When you see a black woman with straight hair that looks like non-black hair, that required all kinds of expensive chemical relaxers and processes to make it look that way or it's a weave, which can cost over $1000 and require insane maintenance. If she wants to keep it natural, but braided, that can take an entire day to do. It's not like black women can just go get a quick blowout or easily change their hair the way people with non-black hair can. Watch the documentary "Good Hair," it might give you some perspective on this issue.

So sure she could go through one of these arduous processes every time she wants to attend something where people might sit behind her or change her hair more permanently so her hair falls like non-black hair, but she shouldn't have to do that any more than a tall person should have to slouch. To suggest that a black woman should have to go through those hair treatments just so she can attend a show or that her hairstyle is so outside the realm of normal to become inconsiderate demonstrates your utter lack of basic human understanding. If you can't grasp how its racist to criticize a black woman for wearing hair the way it normally grows in public, then you are just being willfully ignorant.

[billis2]

Posted: 1/22/15 at 7:22pm

I wonder if the "disgusting" is in reference to her deciding to record the conversation, even before she said anything. If someone did that to me, I would find that pretty disgusting.

[GavestonPS]

Posted: 1/22/15 at 8:14pm

"If she was a tall patron, would it have been a reasonable request to ask her to shrink?"

Some think so, apparently. I am 6'3" and well used to the comments of disgruntled patrons behind me when I sit (even though I try to arrange my party so I sit in front of the tallest patron behind us or, better yet, on the end so I am in nobody's direct line of sight).

But one tiny lady actually asked me if I would fold up my seat bottom and sit on the floor for the second act! I was about to say something with my usual snark when I noticed that the continental seating left quite a bit of room between rows.

So I flipped up the seat bottom and tried the floor; as it turned out, I could see perfectly from there and still had plenty of room. And so that's where I spent Act II. The little old lady thanked me quite graciously after the show.

***

Now I realize that tall people haven't faced the history of discrimination that people of color have faced, but I do wonder why Ms. Collier couldn't have just left her hair up for the remainder of the opera.

P.S. In groups of standees, I instinctively move to the back. So I'd like short people everywhere to know I am doing my best and not deliberately blocking your view.

[starcatchers]

Posted: 1/24/15 at 12:06am

The man was incredibly rude, I'm not denying that. However...so was she. The tone of this article screams "looking to start trouble." The "threat" she made to the house manager about not wanting this to "get out" was ridiculous.

[Wilmingtom]

Posted: 1/24/15 at 3:54am

What's most interesting to me is that she spent the first act plotting revenge on the mean old white man rather than focussing on the opera. Why was she there anyway?

[orangeskittles]

Posted: 1/24/15 at 11:15am

"oh, and skittles: Aida is an *Ethiopian* princess. Her people had just been enslaved by the Egyptians after losing a war. That's integral to the plot."

I've seen Aida. I was referring to this specific line from the article:

"It's ancient Egypt so everyone is supposed to be black, but in this production of Aida all the principals are white."

As I said, Ancient Egypt is Middle Eastern, not black. Aida is not Egyptian, so the comment was not referring to her.