Best ways to deal with jealousy

[fabala4077]

Posted: 8/22/07 at 12:00am

Does anyone know any good ways to deal with jealousy and over-competetiveness? Lots of my drama classmates & friends got to go to summer intensive theatre conservatories (to which I was not accepted) and they've become conceited and cliquey. They spend all of their time discussing all of the wonderful stuff they learned over the summer, and obviously feel superior to the rest of our advanced drama class. Not only am I jealous of their summer experiences, but I'm also very competitive because of fall play auditions - I'm determined to get the lead (it's my senior year & the lead is female), but my classmates are so lofty about what they've learned, I'm afraid I'm completely out of the running.

This situation has the potential to poison a good drama class and make an unattractive, jealous, snarling wreck out of me. Any suggestions?

[COOOOLkid]

Posted: 8/22/07 at 12:16am

I feel ya. I get jealous of other performers all the time. But that's theatre.

I'd say just be happy with whatever role you get! You don't lose anything by having a supporting/ensemble role!

[Aqualline2]

Posted: 8/22/07 at 12:35am

Are you sure they're acting superior on purpose? Maybe they're just really excited about what they learnt. They probably aren't trying to rub it in your face.
I understand your jealousy. I've been there many times.
But don't belittle they're experience because your jealous. Be happy for them and maybe they'll teach oyu and let you in on some of the things they learnt.

But try your hardest at the audition and hopefully things will work out.

[bwaylvsong]

Posted: 8/22/07 at 1:26am

I agree. It doesn't seem like they realize that their discussions upset you. Maybe if you participated in their conversations, you could learn something from them, or find out that you already knew what they were learning. Also, don't let yourself think that experience matters at all in getting roles in school plays. If you show that you really want the part, did your homework and preparation, and (obviously) would be the best choice for the part, you will get it.

[Becky2]

Posted: 8/22/07 at 8:14am

If they are being arrogant about what they've learned, sometimes arrogance can be someone's downfall. And if one of them beats you out of a part you wanted, take the part that you did get, and do the best job you can and steal the show!

[AvenueQResident]

Posted: 8/22/07 at 11:05am

Heh, in the final show of our degree, agents will be coming to watch and they'll pick the people they want. I hope hell won't break loose...

[MerMaggieGalinda]

Posted: 8/22/07 at 1:36pm

I made the mistake of making friends with on of the most arrogant, overzealous girls in school last year. All year she shoved everything that I didn't get in my face. But I got the last laugh at the end of the year, although she got into the top choir at school and I didn't, we both had solos in our final concert and everyone said I was better than her and was complimenting me the whole day. Everytime she says she's better than me I just work harder, and hopefully one day that'll pay off. Plus, I'm not a pompous snob like her, so more people like me as a person.

[Cruel_Sandwich]

Posted: 8/22/07 at 3:38pm

I'd like to make an addition to this thread:

How do you deal with a friend giving an amazingly brilliant performance knowing you are not capable of the same?

[nate2]

Posted: 8/22/07 at 4:18pm

Do you always ask weird questions?

[gypsiedtokill]

Posted: 8/22/07 at 6:10pm

I've actually been on the other end of this...I went to a summer program after my sophomore year and when I got back, one of my friends avoided me for the first two weeks of school. I finally asked her what I was doing wrong and she told me that she felt like I thought I was better than her for having done said program. I didn't feel anything of the like and I apologized to her for making her feel that way. I tried to refrain from mentioning it around her, which was difficult. When you go to one of those programs, it's so damn much fun that you want to tell everyone about it and share every experience with them. Sometimes that's just not the best thing to do, apparently.
I suggest mentioning their arrogance to these people...they might not realize how cliquey they're being. Hope it works out for you.

Nate2: Yes, he does.

[dramadude2]

Posted: 8/22/07 at 9:13pm

Whatever you feel...

...Just DANCE it!

-Center Stage(the cheeziest line EVER!)
lol

[brdwybound2]

Posted: 8/23/07 at 10:37pm

Haha is it bad that that is one of my favorite lines from Center Stage?? I could watch that movie everyday.

Anyway.. I sort of have the same problem. I don't have major jealously problems, but I always sort of feel horrible after I get called back or something for a part with someone I know and they get cast and I don't. I know it's all part of the business and I have to get used to that, but it's especially hard when you know the person on a personal level. I think the best advice is to look at your achievements.. not in an egotistical or arrogant way, but to remind yourself that you are talented as well!!!

[bingbong]

Posted: 8/28/07 at 12:24pm

You're only out of the running if you let yourself be.
Work hard kick arse and have fun. Try to forget on what you think you're missing out on and turn the situation to a plus :)

Maybe bite your feelings and put that extra time into finding amazing audition pieces and prepairing for the audition. Use it too your advantage that you are not doing other things and work hard at being ready to nail the audition.

You'll be brill, just stay focussed and fate will do it's thing :)

Good luck my dearie :) xx

[chinto1984]

Posted: 8/28/07 at 3:48pm

Consider many things. First we are in a very conceited field. We all want attention. I get jealous, everyone does. You need to develop a skin. A lot of conceited people or people who get everything they want, don't really have one or can take criticism. I don't mind some ego as long as they can back it up. They are amazing performers or work really hard. Then there are those who have egos and no tact. I usually find the young actors our age (company is all adults) don't have the grace that comes with talent. They are good but just get too big for their britches. If they are obnoxious and rude, stay away from them. If you are in a show or class you'll get distracted by them. Concentrate on not outdoing them but recognizing your weakness and growing. Remember you can always improve, some really talented people forget that.

There have been many times were I have been underestimated or obviously shafted for someone who is not the best for the role in any way (i.e. talent, match up, looks, whatever). What I have done is just work harder. The directors were impressed at improvements I have made and my work ethic has been recognized, if not always valued, and that has led to some good relations with the artistic team. When someone is fanstastic, they are fantastic. I would rather see them than perform that part.

Remember casting is not who is best for the role. It is who the director wants. The criteria for that might not always be ethical but that is show biz. Always try your hardest and be honest with yourself. Trust how you feel how you did. Be confident that you can improve to fulfill your potential.

[Juliash]

Posted: 10/13/07 at 5:47pm

Ignore them and if they ask why, explain.

And in response to your friends giving good performances, be happy for them!!!! Unless they're actually being an asshole, then you have the full right to kick them in the balls they clearly have.


(Gooooooo humility!)

[AngActing]

Posted: 10/16/07 at 2:30pm

My assumption is that most of you, of course, are students and thus very young. I am a bit older (more than you know) and have been aspiring, pursuing and in "the business" since early childhood.

The things you will learn, as you go along, are many in this "business".

As a friend, let me just say . . . there are two "useless" emotions in life or in show business: Jealousy and Guilt

There do not serve you. In fact, they only hurt the person feeling them. Yes, you feel it . . . and I get that and understand. We have all felt it. The lesson is . . . there is no need to continue wallowing or thinking about it after you've recognized it.

Because:
They are not you . . .thus jealously is useless.
Jealously doesn't bring the "wanted" part, prosperity or confidence to you; in fact, it only makes you want to give up or get revenge.

-- and in the end, the best revenge is to "do better"!

As Julia Murney ("Elphaba" on Broadway up until October 7, 2007) said to me . . . recently. "There is no competition! There's room for everybody."

My sweet friends here . . .when it's time, you will get the part! If you don't right now, you will another time, another place; as long as you stick to it!

Hone your craft (read about acting, theatre, study, "play"), love what you're doing (why be jealous, you're doing what you love!) and stop if you don't love it. Do what brings your heart joy . . . sing, act, dance! It doesn't have to always be for an audience of 100s or 1000s, it can for your family, your friends or yourself!

I can recommend some books and ideas to anyone who is pursuing a career in acting/singing in this crazy business called "show".

Updated On: 10/16/07 at 02:30 PM

[beyonddizzy31]

Posted: 10/19/07 at 2:05am

I understand what you’re experiencing. I’ve worked two summers as a counselor for a summer theatre program and have witnessed the changes the students can go through in a matter of four weeks. They work incredibly had on very difficult material, learn a lot about themselves, and make deep relationships with friends. They are treated as professionals, not censored, and work with some amazing teachers. It’s gonna be a bit of a shock to them to re-enter the world of high school drama clubs, where everyone isn’t taking it as seriously and may not be on the same playing field as them. (this is not to say that you or others who have not attended one of these summer intensives aren’t as talented as your peers who have, of course.)

Combat jealousy with curiosity. Ask them about the classes they took and the exercises they did. If they stray too far off the conversation with inside jokes and “omg remember when jenny did blahblahblahitwassofunny!” try to steer them back to the information. Borrow books they read. Learn about the teachers they studied with. They’ll more than likely be thrilled to have an excuse to share.

And don’t worry about getting cast. If you’re right for the part and can do it well, the director will see that at the audition.

Break a leg!!

[Boq101]

Posted: 10/22/07 at 3:50am

quit.


seriosuly.

If you can't get over that now, you've got no balls for what's coming up.

[ObsessedWithRent2]

Posted: 10/24/07 at 2:47am

If your determined to get the lead, then your full of yourself! Be happy with what you get, if you get anything, and if not? Then see if they need help with teching because you will STILL be with the production some how.

Updated On: 10/24/07 at 02:47 AM

[MaryMag]

Posted: 11/6/07 at 6:14pm

[applauds chinto1984]

A while ago I had to face the worst jealousy of my life. It dealt with another actress who was the same type as me - so it often came down to her or me in callback situations. She was worthy of inspiring jealousy - she was fantastic!

I dealt with it in 2 ways:
1 - I trained like hell. Every time I found myself getting teary or unhappy or wanting to have a frustrated smoke, I forced myself to instead go enroll in another dance class, or read another script, or sing vocalises for 30 minutes. Every time I sensed the poor-me jealousy feelings coming on, I did something concrete to become a better performer.

2 - I realized I had more than she did. She was fortunate in her performing life; I was fortunate in my personal life. She didn't have that. And I wouldn't trade my loving and supportive family and friends for all her success.