The "Straight" Gay Guys- Page 2

[SonofRobbieJ]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 3:31pm

That story fills me with RAGE, JG2. Absolute, burning rage. Just remember that your child will grow up in a home filled with love...not hate.

Namo,

Happy to Make Your Acquaintance is MUCH easier. Plus...broken English. So there's that.

Love,

Another Randolph McAfee

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 3:36pm

I played Nancy, the chunky girl in Sweet Apple, in an all male-production when I was 24. It really does get better.

I'm so glad JerseyGirl weighed in, because I was hoping for a queer woman's perspective on this. I cringed and shuddered in solidarity as I read your post.

Updated On: 2/5/14 at 03:36 PM

[SonofRobbieJ]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 3:44pm

I have some rage issues that have played out in public. Rarely...but they have. And I'm afraid what I might have said if I were JG2. I should start carrying around D2's Venti mocha latte!

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 3:45pm

Just make sure there are witnesses.

[SonofRobbieJ]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 3:48pm

When do I live even a second of my lie without an audience?

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 3:49pm

I don't think what we (I guess I am speaking in terms of LGB women in general) face as a group is nearly what men do. For some reason, people see a woman attracted to women as less of a threat. There are obviously exceptions, but it breaks my heart. Girls who lean in a masculine direction are tom boys. Tom boys are cute. Dad can play soft ball with a tom boy. Boys who lean in a feminine direction are teased, ridiculed and much much worse.

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 3:50pm

And if someone records it on their iPhone, please make sure it's recorded in landscape mode.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 3:53pm

But JG, here's the thing that is such a remarkable parallel to the Panti story: What upset the bigot was that you had the temerity to not "look like" lesbians and therefore she didn't have the opportunity to humiliate you before she engaged with you as if you were some sort of "normal" mother. It's just horrrrrrrible.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 4:02pm

It's no real comfort but think about what awful lives that mother and daughter must lead if they consider that appropriate behavior...and how that teenager will HATE her, if she doesn't already.

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 4:02pm

What Namo said.

[tazber]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 4:02pm

What really REALLY upsets me about JG's experience is that this horrible woman didn't just have a problem with gay people, she dared to imply that being gay invalidates a woman's maternal abilities.

That has to cut deep.

Ignorant bitches like that should be, well I don't know. But something bad.

Big hug to you JG. And thank god that your daughter has such loving parents who will never bring their child up with such hate as that airport skank.

Updated On: 2/5/14 at 04:02 PM

[SonofRobbieJ]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 4:05pm

And what stunned ME about her story is that the woman was British. Seriously...aren't they better at this sh*t than we are??? For some reason, European anti-gay behavior confuses me. And now I'm the stereotyper.

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 4:25pm

That's what got me, too. I was in Newark and it was someone who came over on our flight. I expect American morons, especially as I approach the South. Here, equality is a given. When I correct people who assume I have a husband, they are usually horribly embarrassed and apologetic. Very few bat an eye at us. One nurse, when my daughter was born, came in specifically to meet us because her best friend had just come out. My wife was so offended. lol. "How dare she come in to make us a spectacle?!!" I will take the positive experiences.. (Even the odd ones.)

[EricMontreal22]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 4:36pm

"But JG, here's the thing that is such a remarkable parallel to the Panti story: What upset the bigot was that you had the temerity to not "look like" lesbians and therefore she didn't have the opportunity to humiliate you before she engaged with you as if you were some sort of "normal" mother. It's just horrrrrrrible."

Exactly. While I think it's sadly undeniable that the more visibly gay you are, the more likely you'll get some sort of snide remark, if not worse. But it can play a part regardless. I've been in awkward social situations where I guess the people are just clueless and have no gay-dar and then someone will ask me if I have a girlfriend, or assume something similar and--while I've gotten better at this--usually I just go with it, and then feel deeply ashamed for not simply saying "I'm not seeing anyone, but I'm gay." Or whatever. Of course usually when I do have the guts to say that it goes over fine, but there have been a few times where suddenly I feel excluded from the entire party or group or whatever.

[Mike Barrett]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 4:39pm

Just thought I'd share my perspective from being a teen who is I guess considered "straight" gay. For my first 3 years of high school I did know I was gay. I wasn't disappointed because it was what I was, I just didn't know how anyone would accept it and I didn't know how to tell anyone. So for the first 3 years of hs I didn't tell anyone. And not to sound self centered here, but everytime I went to parties or even just in school in general girls would always try to get with me and I would never know what to do. I eventually came up with a lie that I met a girl in another town and blah blah blah. I only did that to reject people because I couldn't just be like, "oh sorry, im actually gay", the response to that would be horrible. But after my first 3 years of this, I just couldn't take it anymore. My family was very accepting, but not quite all my "friends". I was the captain of the soccer team so I was considered "popular" although I hate using that term to describe people. But once I told people and everyone knew, I wasn't so "popular" anymore. People were surprised to here this about me because they thought I was straight. Some of my "friends" would start calling me the F word and just making fun of me in general. I tried to ignore it but obviously it didn't work. And for my senior year, I wasn't elected captain for the first time in 2 years. I obviously knew what it was about, but wasn't that surprised, just scared that it would actually happen. But the worst was, when one of my old "friends" started yelling at me to get out of the locker room and go to the one I belonged in. Like who says that to someone. That was probably the worst. After that I quit the soccer team and started drama. Thank God for drama. It was with the people I belonged with and I have met some of the greatest people while being in it. Luckily they helped me get through all the crap I went through and I just started to not care because the people who are making fun of you, are PATHETIC. Just horrible human beings who aren't going anywhere in life. So that made me feel a lot better. For anyone whos in high school now whos either out or is going to come out, it gets so much better. I didn't believe it, but TRUST ME, IT DOES! Live your life to the fullest and do what makes you happy! Love you all! :)

[EricMontreal22]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 4:41pm

"And what stunned ME about her story is that the woman was British. Seriously...aren't they better at this sh*t than we are??? For some reason, European anti-gay behavior confuses me. And now I'm the stereotyper. "

I lived a year in Dublin after HS, and spent several of those months in London. Despite the British media featuring well written portrayals of gay characters more, at least IMHO, than American (or North American for that matter--the Canadian media is not all that much better though I think the country as a whole is much more tolerant) it does seem to depend on where you live and, to completely stereotype, often amount of education, etc. Dublin of course was worst than London although I was a bit surprised about how among people my age it was no issue, but homophobia, gay bashing, etc, is still a big issue there.

And even in the media it is an issue. Sure Queer as Folk was on "regular" tv 15 years back, but people often forget what a strong backlash it got (which merely made it a massive ratings hit.) Skins got a big backlash for daring to show gay teen characters having sex (not much about the fact there was far more straight teen sex and graphic drug use) etc.

(But good on Scotland for just making gay marriage legal!)

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 4:56pm

Good story, MikeB and everybody in this thread. Can I just say that even though today is a snow day I have a fever and cough and feel like doo-doo but my friends' Facebook movies and this thread turning into our very own Breakfast Club has made the day delightful.

[That and catching the last scene of a Marcus Welby on COZI with g.d. Christina Crawford as a nun! Talk about your lesbian role models!]

[SonofRobbieJ]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 5:11pm

I WANNA BE THE PRINCESS.

Sorry...that was aggressive.

But I can put on lipstick with my tits.

[henrikegerman]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 5:24pm

If you are asking if guys who are gay but don't set off your gaydar, and in fact set off your straightdar, would likely act in a similar way, the answer is no. One thing has nothing to do with the other.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 5:26pm

As I said, I have a fever, but I am having a hard time parsing your post henrik.

[Ally Sheedy, CALLED IT, no do-overs.]

[NYadgal]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 6:06pm

This thread both breaks my heart and fills my heart with pride that I know and love you! All of you!

Even those I don't know personally. You have my heart as well.

Updated On: 2/5/14 at 06:06 PM

[TheatreDiva90016]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 6:44pm

^^^^^^

That makes everything better.

Always

[Reginald Tresilian]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 6:47pm

It does indeed. Knowing there are people like Stock and Addy makes all the difference.

[Mike Barrett]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 7:10pm

Wow you guys are so great! Love you all :)

[BroomstickBoy]

Posted: 2/5/14 at 8:28pm

Mike, it's good to see that your generation still has some sunny spots (meaning YOU) .

It's been very refreshing and cathartic reading through this thread. War stories and all. I've been in the same space recently, reflecting on my own horror stories.

I know from growing up in a very wicked little town called Corbin, Kentucky, that the scars and psychological bruises are still very much apparent in my adult self. A lot of neuroses have manifested through that upbringing and I'm still getting over them, slowly unlearning them (as neurotic behaviors are learned and can be unlearned)

Granted, I never had any level of bullying as bad as the recent influx of victims, as mine was mostly on the verbal/mental/emotional level with little to no violence (still haven't been in a fist-fight, ever.)...but it was still like walking through a horrible redneck minefield every day. You feel like an animal in a zoo, or like you're walking around with a big mark on your face that screams FAGGOT. Even at age 8, I had no clue what that meant, but I could tell in their voice that it was in the same vein of "girl", "sissy", "gaywad" and so forth. Then through adolescence and eventually high school, it was more of a war zone than ever when I started to believe what they were saying and felt that I was different in every wrong way possible. I even went to a youth-witnessing camp in Austin, Texas the summer before my senior year (I was a Jesus Freak in high school) as an attempt to pray the gay away. ON MY OWN VOLITION. It didn't stick, as you may guess. I didn't touch myself for two weeks and tried as hard as I could to not ogle the absolutely yummy palate of good Christian boys who would sing worship so passionately with their eyes welded shut as if they were reaching orgasm at any given moment.


I still have those paranoias, because every day, they would stare at me and laugh and draw all this attention to me when I had no idea what it was that warranted that kind of point-and-laugh reaction.
I walked funny. I talked funny. I raised my hand to talk in class and people would laugh. I couldn't trust anyone because when I was afraid of bullies people would say "oh who cares what people think?" and then the next minute when I wouldn't worry the answer would be "dude! don't you realize how many people think you're gay? you'd better watch it! they'll kick your ass!", "who thinks I'm gay?"...."uh, just people..." As it's been said, no one wants to be on the fag's side. No one wants to be in that cage.

One of my good friends once told me that she's very surprised that my upbringing didn't totally screw me up. I am too, darling. I am, too.