The douchebags of Grindr

[Calvin]

Posted: 7/19/11 at 4:30pm

Grindr: home to more racism and homophobia than a tea party mixer!
Ick to all

[StageManager2]

Posted: 7/19/11 at 9:04pm

I didn't realize how exclusive and racist and misogynistic the so-called gay community can be until I ventured forth.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 7/19/11 at 9:38pm

Really? This is the exact moment the blinders have fallen from your eyes and you've realized for the first time the gay community has a proportional number of a-holes to the general population?

[singtopher]

Posted: 7/19/11 at 9:47pm

Sometimes I think the gay community has more a-holes than the general population. Or maybe I need to start meeting more of the general population.

[StageManager2]

Posted: 7/19/11 at 10:23pm

Namo, you know that's not what I meant. I was referring to after high school when I met other gay people and experienced the club scene and such. As a teen, I was desperate to meet other gays and I naively thought that it would be a friendly and welcoming environment. But I was quickly disenchanted.

Kinda like when I first joined BWW with the illusion that I would meet (and possibly befriend) other folks who appreciate and enjoy (musical) theater, only to be disillusioned by the likes of you.

[scott68]

Posted: 7/19/11 at 11:38pm

We may not have more a-holes than any other group, but our a-holes are especially prominent. (No pun intended...)

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 7/19/11 at 11:41pm

But anal bleaching gets them whiter than white.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 7/19/11 at 11:49pm

I'm delighted to say that "Eddie" blocked me.

I think it was because I sent him message saying "OMG! Someone is using your picture on rentboy.com!"

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 7/20/11 at 12:09am

I hope you complimented him on his lipstick. Credit where it's due and all that.

[Jordan Catalano]

Posted: 7/20/11 at 12:11am

Oh my God, "D" can be as douchy as he wants as long as he's at my place in 10 minutes.

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 7/20/11 at 12:12am

You know, I actually had a slight spat / exchange about a very similar thing in a Facebook group earlier today. I was called jaded and shallow for my outlook on being gay and the social scene in NYC... Essentially what I posted was that after work, I usually end up at a straight sports bar and I only ever find myself in gay bars these days during low key happy hours or to see my friends perform, because otherwise, I end up going home frustrated and angry.

I walk along 9th Ave or into a gay bar and I feel as though everyone is cut from the same cloth and it's as though there is a dress code that I was never made aware of - short shorts, plunging deep V tee, aviator shades, smart hat and a fashionable scarf, usually with a weekender /tote bag... or some people who look as though they spent HOURS trying to replicate an avant-garde photo shoot or runway show to walk down the street in 95 degree heat or go to a happy hour. If you don't follow that lead, you get stared at. Your outfit can look "amazing" and "fabulous" but if they ask you what the brands are and it doesn't fit the list of 'approved' labels, you instantly become hideous.

Many people stay within their little cluster and spend the time giving people the evil eye - like the 3 queens who sat front row at a gay comedy show and spent the full hour trying to talk over the performers and giving me the evil eye every time I laughed. Forget about talking to people - boys only want to strike up a conversation with you if they deem you to be the most attractive person in the room... Heaven forbid you share a friendly chat because then the hottest boy might think that you have been claimed... and apparently one can't have a conversation without the expectation of it leading to sex.

Let's say you start up a conversation. Jersey Shore, the Kardashians, American Idol, Britney, Gaga, djs, booze and brunch - all acceptable. Sports, world events, books - be prepared to be looked at as though you have two heads. Washington and politics are off the table unless it's the current trendy gay issue - because all the boys will be at the rallies.

I don't mean to paint EVERYONE with that brush, but you have to somehow try to fight through and around all of that to find the boys sitting to the side, who want to offer more than that. It's difficult, it's frustrating and it's all you can do to keep going and try to find them and hopefully hold on.

Grindr, more-so than the other gay dating and "dating" sites seem to magnify that. With Grindr, guys will look on their block because heaven forbid they put forth the effort to walk 5 blocks.. or heaven forbid they have a conversation with someone that doesn't look to meet every bullet point on the checklist at first glance. I HATE when I am in a gay bar and you see 20 guys with iPhones out Grindr-ing one another from across the same room. HAVE a conversation!

Once, at a Bartini happy hour, I had to stand there waiting to order while the bartender with Grindr-ing someone who was seated at the bar and told the (evil) cocktail boy that Grindr needed a better filter so that he would have to waist time flipping through profiles of men under 6ft tall because he finds guys under 6ft to be unattractive and not masculine. I'm 5'8" and had money for a drink - and what would have been a tip - in my hand the whole time.

[Q]

Posted: 7/20/11 at 1:55am

I had no idea what Grindr was - just kept hearing about it. I'm pretty sure that's as close as I'll ever need to come to it.

[madbrian]

Posted: 7/20/11 at 8:18am

And another chapter is added to "Oh, The Things I've Learned On BWW".

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 7/20/11 at 8:38am

Oy, is it bad that I don't really see much wrong with stating your type? Don't be RUDE about it, like some of these idiots are, but it's okay to admit your attraction. Most people have a type or some fantasy they are trying to fulfill. I have female friends who only date a specific ethnicity. My one friend often says, "Civilians need not apply," because she only dates military guys. My tall friend always says, "Must be this tall to ride," because she wants a taller man. I mean my attitude is that when you don't open your parameters, you may miss the perfect person, but these guys on Grindr don't seem like they are looking for anything but Mr. Rightnow.

[Urban]

Posted: 7/20/11 at 9:47am

I have to admit some of the comments on that website are hilarious.

Here in Australia there seems to be a bit of a douchey focus around the 'no Asians' thing with some guy's written profiles, but most of them even if they do come across perfectly normal will dismiss you with one quick glance before blocking.

I will admit to being a former grindr addict. I deleted it almost 10 months ago give or take a few weeks (as well as several similar apps like Scruff and have been happily free and unwanting of them since).

Frankly I found, it was always the same bloody guys on it, nobody ever changed and even those managed to start some kind of half decent conversation with never went anywhere. Also I started to get paranoid people would start recognising me from grindr when I walked into bars. And I absolutely hated that kind of thing, ie the floozy from Grindr (though granted I'd be number 1,293 in line properly). I oddly found I prefered a bit more anomnimity in that department.

And since I belong and play rugby with my local gay rugby team (yes I like Patti LuPone and pounding guys into the dirt on a football field!) - I do have to be out there in the community with a profile anyway - and I prefer that profile to be one that doesn't involve anytype of sex sites crap at all.

And I'm much happier for it. (Yeah admitedly mosts of my team mates have Grindr, but I'm not their mother and their old enough to make their own choices), I am very happy with mine.

[Calvin]

Posted: 7/20/11 at 11:20am

I always scoff at the people who say it's not racist to say "I won't date blacks/Asians/etc. I don't hate them! I'm just not attracted to them/only attracted to white guys/etc."

Unless you've met every person in your taboo category on the planet in order to determine their attractiveness, it's really just another way of saying "all [insert race/nationality here] look alike."

bwayguy, that description is why I generally avoid any midtown party that requires me to get on a "list." :)

(eta: JerseyGirl, I just realized it looked like my initial comment was addressed at you -- and it's not! I actually didn't read yours until after I wrote that) Updated On: 7/20/11 at 11:20 AM

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 7/20/11 at 12:01pm

Calvin, preach to the choir. This is why I often end up in a straight bar... though I routinely see a decent amount of gay men there LOL.

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 7/20/11 at 12:36pm

I love being pleasantly surprised by people. Some of the best times I've had were with men I had not previously considered my "type". If I do have a real preference, it's probably in men who are more interested in expanding their possibilities rather than limiting them.

Once again, I find myself exploring something entirely new to me in a relationship. Something I've never even pursued, so I can't truly say whether I like it or not, so why not try it? It may be precisely what I need. Luckily, I met someone who is more focused on exploration than making demands. To me, that is far more attractive than narcissistic gym rats with closed-minded attitudes so sharply focused on appearance and masculinity.

[SonofRobbieJ]

Posted: 7/20/11 at 12:41pm

Water sports?

[Tom1071]

Posted: 7/20/11 at 12:44pm

I think there is a polite way of stating your preferences without being offensive. I don't have a problems with guys saying what they are looking for. It's when they say what they aren't looking for that it can become offensive...especially when it's worded like "no fats, no fems, no oldies, no (insert race) etc." The tone of it insinuates that anyone that falls under those labels are somehow less than.

I think that most guys who state what they aren't looking for are just trying to save time by not having to deal with guys they ordinarily would not be attracted to. Not saying it's right...just a theory.


Updated On: 7/21/11 at 12:44 PM

[SonofRobbieJ]

Posted: 7/20/11 at 12:49pm

It's the 'masc. looking for masc.' that KILLS me. Cause you know in real life talking to any of these guys is like watching a scene from Vanities.

[SonofMammaMiaSam]

Posted: 7/20/11 at 12:49pm

Why state them at all. You'll know by the photo. Then, you just politely reply that you aren't interested.

[Jordan Catalano]

Posted: 7/20/11 at 12:49pm

But we live in a society that backs up these feelings of their superiority.

[Kad]

Posted: 7/20/11 at 12:55pm

All I've learned from Grindr is that every gay guy is masc looking for masc.

Or athletic/muscular and masc looking for same.

I have a feeling a lot of these guys just want to have sex with themselves.

[madbrian]

Posted: 7/20/11 at 12:59pm

Is there an app for that?