Why help a kid get into AMDA when you can pay for Jamie McGonnigal’s wedding? — Page 6

I think what I am trying to say, and maybe not very articulately, is that one would hope that one who has worked so tirelessly for the rights of his community has learned to throw off the cultural oppression that has marginalized him, learned to find the strength and love within himself and then proceeded from there. Instead, he seems to have been waiting for the ability to get married to provide that for him, which I think is sad. And apparently, he has been feeling completely oppressed and less than since he was ten years old all because of the fact that he simply would not be allowed to get married someday, which I think is probably just the queenly hyperbole of a blogger. I don't believe this has been underlying his every thought since pre-puberty.

Anybody who has been out about their sexuality has found plenty of role models for any kind of relationship structure they desired, people who showed that against the odds of no mainstream cultural approval, they had successful loving relationships.

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Updated On: 12/8/12 at 12:32 AM

THAT's the parallel story to the donations request, isn't it?

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Yeah, EricM, but the point IS, is that they're Not humiliated, as are other, equally NOT humiliated people, who use these funding websites, as if they were a piggy banks for personal wants, not for legit fund raising projects. They are actually proud to beg for $$$$ from strangers.

On a personal note, I needed 5,000 for something very important and saved it over only 4 yrs, on a measly salary. "Good things come to those who wait". 25/wk automatic transfer from checking to savings acct. Not that hard when you save first, off the top, THEN pay bills or spend.

Updated On: 12/8/12 at 01:20 AM

Of COURSE I wanted a big traditional wedding when I was a little girl. When I realized that might never happen for me, it hurt. THEN, when I met my other half, it felt pretty simple. The wedding didn't matter at all. The marriage did. We went to a little courthouse, said our vows with a wacky officiant who couldn't seem to get the gender part or our names correct and then shared the same last name. We came home to our little house and our little cat, drank champagne and ate cake and just enjoyed being together. There were a few details I would change, if I could, but none of those things could be changed by money. If we had the money and support, in retrospect, I would just want a reception, a few days later. The big wedding ceremony was a childhood fantasy. I get that some will always want that, but it can be done without spending money you don't have.

I have seen SO many friends put themselves in debt for their dream wedding. Honestly, I never went to a really expensive until I moved to NJ. In the South, my friends usually married in their church and then had a small reception nearby with finger foods or a buffet. They might even have pot luck. It was cozy. In NY, my friend and his fiancee were a very weird couple. His family hated her. Her family hated him. Most of his friends didn't like her. They just didn't seem to fit. (I swear to God, we tried! We faked it.) They did the big wedding in the chapel of his prep school, reception at a beautiful rented hall, she HAD to have a platinum ring set, they had the full service meal and open bar. They had their first married fight in the limo on the way to the reception. They paid for everything themselves, mostly on credit. They bought a house they couldn't afford right before the wedding. The marriage lasted four years. They lost money selling the house and they still owe debt from the wedding. What was the point?

My parents and grandparents married at City Hall. They have been married 38 and 65 years, respectively. It's the marriage that matters. Do what you or your parents can afford. No more!

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Updated On: 12/8/12 at 05:43 AM

We came home to our little house and our little cat, drank champagne and ate cake and just enjoyed being together.

That sounds perfect. Mazel tov.

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If I'm going to donate on the gay marriage issue I'd rather put that money towards changing the legal landscape for more same-sex couples.

Amen.

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I feel like I'd better make a donation to The Trevor Project in case anybody's 10-year-old selves are getting seriously depressed.

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I would have much rather gone to your wedding than David's funeral, I swear to you I wouldn't have been cranky. But your post and the links to the Washington state weddings really foreground what's important and what should be prioritized.

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High-end liquor I hope!

Robbie - Amen! to all you said.

And, yes, David's funeral was pretty entertaining. We've all said he would have loved it.

XOXO

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Updated On: 12/12/12 at 02:26 PM

I just bumped the '60 Moments' - Washington Wedding thread, in case anyone missed it.

Marriage. It's what matters.

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Robbie, just out of curiosity, did you have to solicit donations to throw that fabulous funeral?

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