There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that I am appearing in KLANSMAN. I did audition for and win the role of the kindly old grandfather with the gasoline dipped torch.
But things have changed. As you all know I much prefer to be a trend setter and I eschew trends once they have caught on. So now that my buttoned up bravado has become a bonafide trend I have decided to move on to the next thing.
True my strong belief against onstage nudity or the showing of skin has presented a thorny obstacle but after much thought and prayer I've overcome this problem.
I'm getting a full body tattoo. The tattoo looks like an Armani tuxedo complete with tie, french cuffs, and kummerbund. The real bonus is that I can wear it during sex, in the shower, and at the beach and always be perfectly pressed and nattily dressed.
As you can imagine, it will take some time to complete this work of art so I'm staying at a lovely spa in Buffalo for the duration. I'm soothing my pained pores with a pack of smokes and a can of Schlitz beer. The most difficult execution for the tat artist is the spider web of wrinkles around the crotch of the pants. That could take some time and a few six packs but I'm not afraid. Anything for art.
If all goes well I expect to be back on stage in the fall in the touring company of Zoot Suit, lyrics written by my cousin, the lovely and talented Lalo Guerrero. By the way my favorite song in this show is "Vamos A Bailar", a sure fire hit by any standard.
"Always smile at your enemies. It will keep them on their toes"
