#1
Posted: 4/7/06 at 3:14am
There are several Broadway musicals in recent memory that prove that there can be a wonderful mix of both chilren's entertainment and a good time out for the parents as well. I'm talking shows geared especially for children - and they are, most notably, BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, THE LION KING, and CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG. Despite CHITTY's shortcomings, there was something in it for everyone - full dance numbers, eye popping sets, catchy songs, some fun for the kids, and some outrageously funny adut humour. In the past, Disney has had overwhelming financial success with all of their shows, and some spots of sure artistic acheivement in various areas. This time, while I'm sure TARZAN is in no danger of putting Disney Theatrical Productions out of business, I believe that what TARZAN is able to accomplish (or, not accomplish) in the theatre is alarming, and it may take something breathtaking like MARY POPPINS to restore people's faith in Disney.
Let it be said that this show tries to be everything in the book - it tries to be dramatic, it tries to be glorious, it tries to be big, it tries to be impressive, and it most definitely tries to entertain audiences of all ages. Unfortunately, it probably only succeeds in entertaining children. And no, that's not because the material is geared towards children - it's because young children will be the only people without the brain capacity to identify a theatrical horror. And yes, I mean horror in every sense of the word.
This show is an absolute, abominable mess from top to bottom. Nothing is salvaged. Watching the show, it's almost like the cast keeps saying "Look what I'm doing! Look! Clap! Look at me! Aren't we impressing you!" And it made me hate it even more. The book is so deconstructed and poor that it's nearly laughable. Cliche after cliche, failed joke after failed joke - there's only so much a miserable theatregoer can take. The direction is pitiful. Absolutely pitiful. It's as if Bob Crowley said "Here's your script, here's your music. Just go up on stage and run around, you're primates after all!" There is no direction. There is no vision. This is just a giant vat of money that Disney seemingly threw together with absolutely no intent behind it.
Bob Crowley (acting as Costumer, Set Designer, and Director), has failed on all three levels. I've already commented on his direction, so allow me to move on to his miserable costumes. The "human" character's costumes are fine - just what they should be - but nothing more. His costumes for the various animals - apes, flowers, spiders, a butterfly, etc. - are all mind boggingly hideous. They do not work. Is this woman holding baby Tarzan a woman? Is she a part of some tribe? Is she just a drunk woman wearing tatters? Oh no wait, she's supposed to be a monkey. Wearing nothing that even remotely resembles apes, the monkey's are particularly painful to watch. Absolutely hideous costumes that do not work. Absolutely do not work. When Jane first arrives, noting all the various flowers, etc - the costumes of the flowers, etc. are so cheap and tacky looking that you'd think you were at a lite-brite Mardi Gras parade, where all the costumes were thrown together in five seconds. Absolutely hideous. I was incredibly embarrased for everyone involved with this production. Then, as if we haven't been tortured enough, Jane magically ends up in a spider web at the end of her pitiful song. As if the audience wasn't distracted enough by the incredibly off-pitch screeching of Jenn Gambatese, or by the Mardi Gras spinning around her, as she tries to sing the end of her song a random creature is just standing there strapping a vine to her back. Could they not come up with a more discrete method of rigging her up? And is it even necessary for her to end up in a spider web? No, it's not. But then - it gets worse. Out from above (no where ON the actual spider web, mind you) a creature appears. We're told it's a tarantulla. No, I beg to differ. It looks like a down's syndrome purple and pink squid from hell made out of leftover carpeting from Bob Crowley's vintage VW bus. It's horrendous.
The set design (or lack there of) is pitiful. There is no set. And that's fine - some of the most effective and breathtaking productions have been staged with little to no set at all. Unfortunately, the TARZAN team seems to think that their set is something quite special. The set is worse than Crowley's set for AIDA - if it could get much worse. The jungle is merely thousands and thousands of green strings as the upstage, stage left, and stage right walls. Just thousands of thick, hideous, green strings. Oh, I forgot to mention the green carpeted stage- that's just CHARMING. The set - like the direction and costuming (and the rest of the show, while we're at it) fails on every conceivable level. It's truly horrid.
Phil Collins' score for the TARZAN film was suitably-pop. Always very caluculated and careful, but with strong driving melodies that added perfectly to the action occuring on screen. All of those songs appear in the show, more or less - along with a handful of some original music. One would think that even if his new material was bad - we would be saved with a bunch of songs from the film. WRONG. Wrong, wrong, wrong. The songs from the film have been butchered. Bizzare vocal arrangements really ruin it right off the top - but it doesn't help that the entire cast is over-singing the music. They are literally pushing so hard - singing so loudly, and literally screaming at the top of their lungs during most of the numbers. The orchestra is over-amplified, and all of the actors are over-amplified. It's the loudest show I have ever seen on Broadway - it is horrendous. The microphones were turned up so loudly that when they weren't speaking (but were on stage), you could hear the microphones hiss. His original material is horrendous. You can't even say "Oh, but it's so fun!" It's not. It's painful. Incredibly un-melodic, absolutely banal lyrics, and just dreadful, dreadful songs. The entire show is filled with terrible music, being played by an over-loud orchestra. Has Phil Collins gone deaf?
David Henry Hwang's book is less than serviceable - although something tells me that his horrendous book wasn't his brainchild, but instead driven and outlined by the heinous Bob Crowley. No one capable of writing M. BUTTERFLY could pull this dreck out of the same place. It's not even worth commenting on, really. Trite through and through. Not one heartwarming part, not one funny part, nothing. There's just nothing. It's horrendous.
John Strickland does just fine as Tarzan. He tries his hardest. While he his more than suited for this role, I can't help but think of how good he could actually be with a capable and smart director. I really felt bad for him (and the rest of the cast). He's very talented and has some nice chops, but they're all to waste here. And no, it's not even worth seeing him nearly naked in. While it's definitely a plus compared the dreck surrounding him, Strickland's nice face and almost inappropriately cute body don't save the show. Jenn Gambatese is okay. Her acting was okay, but again, it's so hard to judge the acting here because of the horrendous material they are given, and the horrendous director they have been made to work with. While I thought Jenn was fine in ALL SHOOK UP, she's just no up to par here with this show (It's okay Jenn, join the club with Bob and Phil.) Her entire first song was pretty much consistantly off-key. It was pure hell to sit through. No only isn't she saying anything interesting, but it doesn't even SOUND good.
Merle Dandridge, Chester Gregory II, and Shuler Hensley are all barely okay. I suppose they do their best - but really, they don't work. They just don't. Shuler's acting is particularly sophomoric, but he's in good company here. Again, the material is so bad that the actors, I suppose, can not be fairly critiqued.
While Natasha Katz does consistently impressive work, here work here is as mindless and misguided as her colleagues. I don't really blame her - she really doesn't have anything to light.
Meryl Tankard's choreography is abyssmal. It's just the most disinteresting, uninspiring choreography I have ever seen. It doesn't work, and it's pure hell to sit through. These so called aerial designs by Pichon Baldinu are no where to be found. There's lots of swinging and messy movement going on, but I don't see any aerial design.
And that brings my to my final frustration. The flying. Why does every rope look like something a window washer would wear? Why are the silver clips bigger than the actor's faces? WHY ARE THEY SILVER? I mean yes, we're in the theatre, and we can suspend our disbelief - but only for so much and for so long. The mess on stage is so distracting and so terribly staged that you don't know where to look or what's going on - but it doesn't matter - rest assured that you're better off staring at the chandelier hanging over your heads - it's prettier, and more interesting. It probably even has more personality than the dreck appearing before you on stage. The flying is just a mess - it doesn't work, it's not impressive, they don't look like animals, and it's not coherent. There is such a distraction of weights going up and down (as various actors take off) that it just adds to the frustrating confusion. I know how fly systems work - I know that there needs to be weights to go up when the actor goes up. Yes. But does it have to be so blatant? Does it have to be so ugly? Christ, if they were able to have impressive aerial stunts back in the 50's with PETER PAN, why the hell can't Disney come up with something? IF anyone could do it, you'd think Disney could. Nope. They deliver nothing here but a hot, piping mess.
If you're looking to have a good time on Broadway, do not see TARZAN. In fact, avoid it at all costs. If you're looking to pay over $100 to go sit somewhere for nearly three hours while you develop a numbing migraine, go see TARZAN. This show should be called TARZAN: THE NEW BROADWAY MIGRAINE.
If I haven't already said enough - I'll say it again. Save yourself the frustration. Save yourself the dismay, and save yourself the money. This show fails on every imaginable level, it's almost an art in and among itself. There's really no point in comparing entirely different musicals, but I'm hard pressed to think of something that I have seen that's worse. I don't even think GOOD VIBRATIONS, BROOKLYN, and RING OF FIRE are a match for TARZAN - TARZAN has them all beat.
This show will only run because of Disney's name. It will receive horrible reviews, and, unless Disney pays someone off, no Tony nominees. It deserves nothing but to close. And that's a shame, because the cast is already being abused nightly by the inane acrobatics they're given - they're troopers. Of course, TARZAN can still fix it's problems in the next month. Fire everyone, starting with Bob Crowley, throw out the score, sets, costumes, etc. - and start from scratch. It's the only hope they have.
See TARZAN at your own risk.
Let it be said that this show tries to be everything in the book - it tries to be dramatic, it tries to be glorious, it tries to be big, it tries to be impressive, and it most definitely tries to entertain audiences of all ages. Unfortunately, it probably only succeeds in entertaining children. And no, that's not because the material is geared towards children - it's because young children will be the only people without the brain capacity to identify a theatrical horror. And yes, I mean horror in every sense of the word.
This show is an absolute, abominable mess from top to bottom. Nothing is salvaged. Watching the show, it's almost like the cast keeps saying "Look what I'm doing! Look! Clap! Look at me! Aren't we impressing you!" And it made me hate it even more. The book is so deconstructed and poor that it's nearly laughable. Cliche after cliche, failed joke after failed joke - there's only so much a miserable theatregoer can take. The direction is pitiful. Absolutely pitiful. It's as if Bob Crowley said "Here's your script, here's your music. Just go up on stage and run around, you're primates after all!" There is no direction. There is no vision. This is just a giant vat of money that Disney seemingly threw together with absolutely no intent behind it.
Bob Crowley (acting as Costumer, Set Designer, and Director), has failed on all three levels. I've already commented on his direction, so allow me to move on to his miserable costumes. The "human" character's costumes are fine - just what they should be - but nothing more. His costumes for the various animals - apes, flowers, spiders, a butterfly, etc. - are all mind boggingly hideous. They do not work. Is this woman holding baby Tarzan a woman? Is she a part of some tribe? Is she just a drunk woman wearing tatters? Oh no wait, she's supposed to be a monkey. Wearing nothing that even remotely resembles apes, the monkey's are particularly painful to watch. Absolutely hideous costumes that do not work. Absolutely do not work. When Jane first arrives, noting all the various flowers, etc - the costumes of the flowers, etc. are so cheap and tacky looking that you'd think you were at a lite-brite Mardi Gras parade, where all the costumes were thrown together in five seconds. Absolutely hideous. I was incredibly embarrased for everyone involved with this production. Then, as if we haven't been tortured enough, Jane magically ends up in a spider web at the end of her pitiful song. As if the audience wasn't distracted enough by the incredibly off-pitch screeching of Jenn Gambatese, or by the Mardi Gras spinning around her, as she tries to sing the end of her song a random creature is just standing there strapping a vine to her back. Could they not come up with a more discrete method of rigging her up? And is it even necessary for her to end up in a spider web? No, it's not. But then - it gets worse. Out from above (no where ON the actual spider web, mind you) a creature appears. We're told it's a tarantulla. No, I beg to differ. It looks like a down's syndrome purple and pink squid from hell made out of leftover carpeting from Bob Crowley's vintage VW bus. It's horrendous.
The set design (or lack there of) is pitiful. There is no set. And that's fine - some of the most effective and breathtaking productions have been staged with little to no set at all. Unfortunately, the TARZAN team seems to think that their set is something quite special. The set is worse than Crowley's set for AIDA - if it could get much worse. The jungle is merely thousands and thousands of green strings as the upstage, stage left, and stage right walls. Just thousands of thick, hideous, green strings. Oh, I forgot to mention the green carpeted stage- that's just CHARMING. The set - like the direction and costuming (and the rest of the show, while we're at it) fails on every conceivable level. It's truly horrid.
Phil Collins' score for the TARZAN film was suitably-pop. Always very caluculated and careful, but with strong driving melodies that added perfectly to the action occuring on screen. All of those songs appear in the show, more or less - along with a handful of some original music. One would think that even if his new material was bad - we would be saved with a bunch of songs from the film. WRONG. Wrong, wrong, wrong. The songs from the film have been butchered. Bizzare vocal arrangements really ruin it right off the top - but it doesn't help that the entire cast is over-singing the music. They are literally pushing so hard - singing so loudly, and literally screaming at the top of their lungs during most of the numbers. The orchestra is over-amplified, and all of the actors are over-amplified. It's the loudest show I have ever seen on Broadway - it is horrendous. The microphones were turned up so loudly that when they weren't speaking (but were on stage), you could hear the microphones hiss. His original material is horrendous. You can't even say "Oh, but it's so fun!" It's not. It's painful. Incredibly un-melodic, absolutely banal lyrics, and just dreadful, dreadful songs. The entire show is filled with terrible music, being played by an over-loud orchestra. Has Phil Collins gone deaf?
David Henry Hwang's book is less than serviceable - although something tells me that his horrendous book wasn't his brainchild, but instead driven and outlined by the heinous Bob Crowley. No one capable of writing M. BUTTERFLY could pull this dreck out of the same place. It's not even worth commenting on, really. Trite through and through. Not one heartwarming part, not one funny part, nothing. There's just nothing. It's horrendous.
John Strickland does just fine as Tarzan. He tries his hardest. While he his more than suited for this role, I can't help but think of how good he could actually be with a capable and smart director. I really felt bad for him (and the rest of the cast). He's very talented and has some nice chops, but they're all to waste here. And no, it's not even worth seeing him nearly naked in. While it's definitely a plus compared the dreck surrounding him, Strickland's nice face and almost inappropriately cute body don't save the show. Jenn Gambatese is okay. Her acting was okay, but again, it's so hard to judge the acting here because of the horrendous material they are given, and the horrendous director they have been made to work with. While I thought Jenn was fine in ALL SHOOK UP, she's just no up to par here with this show (It's okay Jenn, join the club with Bob and Phil.) Her entire first song was pretty much consistantly off-key. It was pure hell to sit through. No only isn't she saying anything interesting, but it doesn't even SOUND good.
Merle Dandridge, Chester Gregory II, and Shuler Hensley are all barely okay. I suppose they do their best - but really, they don't work. They just don't. Shuler's acting is particularly sophomoric, but he's in good company here. Again, the material is so bad that the actors, I suppose, can not be fairly critiqued.
While Natasha Katz does consistently impressive work, here work here is as mindless and misguided as her colleagues. I don't really blame her - she really doesn't have anything to light.
Meryl Tankard's choreography is abyssmal. It's just the most disinteresting, uninspiring choreography I have ever seen. It doesn't work, and it's pure hell to sit through. These so called aerial designs by Pichon Baldinu are no where to be found. There's lots of swinging and messy movement going on, but I don't see any aerial design.
And that brings my to my final frustration. The flying. Why does every rope look like something a window washer would wear? Why are the silver clips bigger than the actor's faces? WHY ARE THEY SILVER? I mean yes, we're in the theatre, and we can suspend our disbelief - but only for so much and for so long. The mess on stage is so distracting and so terribly staged that you don't know where to look or what's going on - but it doesn't matter - rest assured that you're better off staring at the chandelier hanging over your heads - it's prettier, and more interesting. It probably even has more personality than the dreck appearing before you on stage. The flying is just a mess - it doesn't work, it's not impressive, they don't look like animals, and it's not coherent. There is such a distraction of weights going up and down (as various actors take off) that it just adds to the frustrating confusion. I know how fly systems work - I know that there needs to be weights to go up when the actor goes up. Yes. But does it have to be so blatant? Does it have to be so ugly? Christ, if they were able to have impressive aerial stunts back in the 50's with PETER PAN, why the hell can't Disney come up with something? IF anyone could do it, you'd think Disney could. Nope. They deliver nothing here but a hot, piping mess.
If you're looking to have a good time on Broadway, do not see TARZAN. In fact, avoid it at all costs. If you're looking to pay over $100 to go sit somewhere for nearly three hours while you develop a numbing migraine, go see TARZAN. This show should be called TARZAN: THE NEW BROADWAY MIGRAINE.
If I haven't already said enough - I'll say it again. Save yourself the frustration. Save yourself the dismay, and save yourself the money. This show fails on every imaginable level, it's almost an art in and among itself. There's really no point in comparing entirely different musicals, but I'm hard pressed to think of something that I have seen that's worse. I don't even think GOOD VIBRATIONS, BROOKLYN, and RING OF FIRE are a match for TARZAN - TARZAN has them all beat.
This show will only run because of Disney's name. It will receive horrible reviews, and, unless Disney pays someone off, no Tony nominees. It deserves nothing but to close. And that's a shame, because the cast is already being abused nightly by the inane acrobatics they're given - they're troopers. Of course, TARZAN can still fix it's problems in the next month. Fire everyone, starting with Bob Crowley, throw out the score, sets, costumes, etc. - and start from scratch. It's the only hope they have.
See TARZAN at your own risk.
"If you are going to do something, do it well. And leave something witchy."
-Charlie Manson
