My favorite Merman quote

[morosco]

Posted: 8/15/06 at 9:41pm

In the book "Broadway Day & Night" Harvey Fierstein wrote:

...my most never-fading memory is of Ethel Merman. She popped back after the show (Torch Song Trilogy), with her niece, silencing the most callous of stagehands.
"What did you think of the show, Miss Merman? I croaked.
She glared at me as only Merman could and bellowed back, "I thought it was a piece of sh*t, but the rest of the audience laughed and cried, so what the f*ck do I know?"

[alterego]

Posted: 8/15/06 at 10:34pm

I heard that Merman went to see Lauren Bacall in WOMAN OF THE YEAR. When Ms Bacall, in the opening number bellowed " I'm the W-O-M-A-N of the year" Merman very audibly was heard to say "Jesus Christ!".

[Horton]

Posted: 8/15/06 at 10:41pm

I love me some Merman, this is just so--- There should be a sidcom called Ethal

[boxers7]

Posted: 8/15/06 at 10:43pm

Or maybe even a sitcom called Ethel?

[Dollypop]

Posted: 8/15/06 at 10:44pm

"There should be a sidcom called Ethal"

Hey folks, I think we've found the missing Liam!!!!!!

[TomMonster]

Posted: 8/15/06 at 10:53pm

I don't know the source, but it was told to me years ago:

MUSIC DIRECTOR: "Miss Merman, would you like to warm up?"

MERMAN: (Clears her through long and loud and spits) "Nope, I'm ready!!"

[PalJoey]

Posted: 8/15/06 at 11:02pm

I've posted this one before here but...

One of my favorite Ethel Merman stories invoves Jerry Orbach. During one scene in the "Annie Get Your Gun" revival in 1966 {aka "Granny Get Your Gun"), Jerry was upstage of Merman, who of course, played everything to the audience. One night Merman noticed a new reaction from the audience, one she hadn't expected. Next night, it happened again.

Perplexed, Merman told the stage manager to summon Jerry to her dressing room. "Orbach," she said, "you're DOING something during that scene. What are you doing?"

"Nothing, Miss Merman," Jerry replied.

"Don't lie to me, Orbach. I know you're doing SOMETHING. Tell me what you're doing."

"Honest, Miss Merman," the actor replied. "I'm not doing anything. I'm just reacting."

"I KNEW it was something!" Merman said triumphantly. "Listen kid, I'll make you a deal: You don't react to ME, and I won't react to you. Deal?"

Jerry Orbach shook Ethel Merman's hand...and he never reacted to her again.

[Chanticleer148]

Posted: 8/15/06 at 11:25pm

“I can hold a note as long as the Chase Manhattan Bank”
-Ethel Merman

“I take a breath when I have to” -Ethel Merman

“Always give them the old fire, even when you feel like a squashed cake of ice”
-Ethel Merman
Let's Name A Theater For Ethel Merman

Posted: 8/15/06 at 11:42pm

more, more!
i love these kinds of stories!!!!

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 8/15/06 at 11:43pm

Wow, a link to your blahhhg. I swear I didn't see that one coming. Are theater owners visiting it for ideas for names? Because, in the 21st Century, they're more likely to go with a corporate moniker or a newly-deceased person.

[Phantom487]

Posted: 8/16/06 at 12:38am

I'm not sure if it's true or not, but the Ethel Merman story told in "Elaine Stritch At Liberty" is pretty funny... About her walking off stage, grabbing the loud drunk guy and throwing him out of the street, all while staying in character and singing "The Money Song"... hilarious!

[frontrowcentre2]

Posted: 8/16/06 at 1:34am

Merman: "When the national company tour of CALL ME MADAM reached Los Angeles, Stritch checked in at the Beverly Hills Hotel. She was making a study of how to hold her long notes for long periods of time and she was being very serious and intense about exercising her pipes. In the morning around 11 or 12 she would go out on the patio and vocalize.

Her phone rang and the voice said "Miss Stritch, I'm awfully sorry but this is the Beverly Hills Hotel management and we're asking you to give up your room."

"what's the matter" Stritch asked "What have I done?"

"You're living next to a woman who lieks quiet; she can't stand the noise" the voice said.

"WHo is ths woman? You hold the phone and I'll go have a talk with her."

"She's in104" the voice said, so Stritch went out in the hall and whaged on 104. The important sensitive dame opened the door. It as me. The picture version of MADAM was about t start, I'd checked into the hotel myself and hearing Elaine's unmistakable voice, I'd wanted to say 'Hi' t her.


===============

Best line in the picture of Madam...the Grad Duke of Lichtenberg asks Sally Adams how this stately palace ball compares with her celebrated Washington parties. "Well WE have a good time!" is Sally's reply.

[peapod36]

Posted: 8/16/06 at 1:41am

I heard this on Biography. She had the Duke and Duchess of Windsor over for dinner and lots of famous people were invited and after dinner everyone got up to dance except for the Duke and Duchess. Merman walked over to him and said " Hey,Duke! Get off your ass and dance with your wife. He did.

[CurtainPullDowner]

Posted: 8/16/06 at 1:47am

At an Early after theatre chat with Sondheim
He was asked about why he worked on GYPSY
Oscar said
"You will learn to write for a Star."
So they gave her Rose's Turn and she said
"What is this Momma.... Momma.... ??"
Steve said (something like)
She's having a breakdown and she can't get the words out...
Merman: "Yeah, but is it on the beat or off the beat"?
Sondheim learned a lot.

and the "Bird's Eye Story"?

[Chanticleer148]

Posted: 8/16/06 at 7:37am

All great stories on Merman. Keep them going.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 8/16/06 at 7:40am

CurtainPullDowner--why did you tell that story in blank verse?

[MasterLcZ]

Posted: 8/16/06 at 7:59am

An alternate "Roses Turn" story I heard was after she heard a run-though by Styne & Sondheim, she sat down, looked up overwhelmed and muttered "That's a f***kin' ARIA."

[elmore3003]

Posted: 8/16/06 at 8:07am

I had lunch with Louios Botto of PLAYBIL and a retired press agent, and they told me this Merman story:

Ethel was in a performance of CALL ME MADAM one night, in a scene down front while the stagehands noisily changed the scenery behind them. Ethel stopped the scene, turned to the drop and telled "SHUT THE F*CK UP!!!!" and then went back into the scene.
Updated On: 8/16/06 at 08:07 AM

[philcrosby]

Posted: 8/16/06 at 8:07am

I love this one: When she asked if she ever got nervous before a performance, she replied: "Why should I? If those jerks could do what I do, they'd be up here, and I'd be in the audience."

You gotta love the Merm. No one like her before or since.

[elmore3003]

Posted: 8/16/06 at 8:12am

Ethel and Mary Martin did a one-night performance in 1977, TOGETHER ON BROADWAY (MARY MARTIN & ETHEL MERMAN). While Martin was onstage, one of the chorus girls made a comment backstage like "Gosh, Miss Merman, isn't it great working with Miss Martin?" And Ethel answered, "She's a dyke, ya know!"

[MasterLcZ]

Posted: 8/16/06 at 8:18am

Another one:

In the 1970s, some poor Daily News interviewer asked Merman about the film THERE'S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS noting she added that it was "that movie that starred Marilyn Monroe."

"WHAT THE F***K ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?! I was the STAR in that picture. She was a supporting player!"

The interview ended soon afterwards...

[PalJoey]

Posted: 8/16/06 at 10:46am

Elmore, the dyke remark was made to a stagehand not a chorus girl--and it was more succinct.

Merman was waiting to make her entrance, while Martin was singing "Wonderful Guy." Merman was clearly enjoying Martin's rendition of her signature number.

"Great song," she said to the stagehand, as she snapped her finger to the easy beat.

"Great voice," she added, as Martin's song came to a close.

Then, as she started to stride onstage, Merman paused and whispered to the stagehand, "Dyke, ya know."

Posted: 8/16/06 at 12:30pm

As reported in one of her unauthorized iographies, Merman was spotted pushing her toddler in a stroller, saying to them "You don't want to play in the park, you don't want to go to the zoo, what the f*ck DO you want to do???"

[lvpblues]

Posted: 8/16/06 at 12:37pm

I too remember hearing about Merman going to see Woman of the Year on Broadway. What I heard was that as Bacall was giving the title song its big finish (it may even have been on opening night), Merman called out "Pick a note, Betty!"

These stories are priceless.

~Kev
Updated On: 8/16/06 at 12:37 PM

[PalJoey]

Posted: 8/16/06 at 12:56pm

Another Ethel/f*ck story:

Ethel Junior (yes, that was her name) was at the back of the house, waiting for her mother after a rehearsal. Ethel Senior was onstage having a discussion with the director and the stage manager, which apparently had been going on for some time.

"Ma!" Ethel Junior whined from the back row. "How much longer are you gonna be?"

"Shut up, Ethel!" Ethel yelled back from the stage. "I'll be done in a little while."

"MA!" Ethel Junior answered back. "I'm tired of waiting. I wanna go NOW!"

"I told you to shut up! I'll be done when I'm done!" Ethel answered, annoyed to have had her conversation interrupted twice.

By this point, the stage manager and the director were getting uncomfortable, witnessing the great star in the midst of a parent-child squabble.

"GODDAMNIT MA!" Ethel Junior bellowed from the back of the house. "I'm not waitin' any more! I'm getting the HELL outa here!"

Everyone onstage watched, embarrassed, as the young girl stormed out of the theater.

Ethel turned to them, flush with anger: "Where the F*CK does the kid get a mouth like that?!?"

Updated On: 8/16/06 at 12:56 PM