Serious Discussion-Stress and Psych Disorders- Page 14

[KelRel]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 11:57am

DD, having met you I can say that you are a gorgeous man who has nothing to worry about.

[kissmycookie]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 12:00pm

But even concepts of weight are so bizarre nowadays.

What qualifies as overweight? Obese? Plus size?

In another thread, body mass index (BMI) was discussed for a bit. Which is a false indicator of such "measurements" as it fails to take in body type.

Clothing is cut in different sizes than they "used" to be.

Marilyn Monroe, to me, was gorgeous. She would be considered "plus sized" now.

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 12:03pm

That's the thing... I know I'm not skinny. When I hit 172, that's way low for me. Yet I will always have a barrel chest. Can't do anything about it. And I'm supposed to be (accroding to BMI and other standards) like 165, but if I get that low, I'd be WAY too skinny. I'm not a small person.

And what really sucks about clothing is that a lot of it IS designed with thin men in mind. Some designers I can't even wear a large because they're too tight across the chest, yet the shirts are huge at my waist and really long arms.

[JailyardGuy]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 12:07pm

I have the same problem, DD...being of Swedish heritage, I am *very* powerfully built in the upper torso. It's extremely difficult for me to wear the sort of clothing that I really love, because it's so narrow. My shoulders are *crazy* wide, and I almost always have to buy larger shirts and then have them tailored to fit. All I've ever really wanted was to be tall and slender-framed, but it's just not going to happen.

The oddest thing about this whole issue for me is that I'm really not even *attracted* to extremely thin men, but I've always wanted to be one...

[Billboard Girl]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 12:07pm

I've always been thin, but I still often find myself unhappy with how I look or how the clothes I'm wearing look on me. I feel guilty and almost afraid to admit it, as though I don't have the right to be unhappy with my body. I'm also afraid that when I'm at a party and I don't feel hungry or like the food that's being served, people will look at me and mistake my picky eating for something else.

One thing that really bothers me is society's obsession with plastic surgery. A family friend in her late 20s, who has a great body and works out at a gym 6 days a week, recently went to a plastic surgeon to ask what he could do for her. Even after he told her there was nothing she needed, she still wants breast implants. On a more general note, I really don't see why anyone would undergo such an invasive procedure when the desired effect can be achieved with a push-up bra.

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 12:08pm

woot. I hear you, DD.
My poor body shape. I come from the land of old-fashioned boxers, I guess, because that's the way I'm built.
So here I am, dropping weight like a maniac and slipping into increasingly smaller jeans, but my shirt size almost refuses to budge. I can squeeze into a size smaller but it's very tight across the chest and then flies out over my stomach.
Ready-to-wear was the death of a good fit anyway, but that's neither here nor there.

[GClef2]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 12:11pm

This stories just make me sick...but there is one thing that I find startling. We all complain about ourselves, when to others WE look perfect.I mean did anyone see the Oprah episode when all of these young people had Body Dismorphic Dissorder? Some people (including some of us) see things about their body that aren't even there. We are overly aware of ourselves...

[JailyardGuy]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 12:17pm

...and it's killing some of us. I have two friends who have died from complications related to BDD/anorexia nervosa. Part of me is extremely angry at them for being so "stupid" and not being able to see what's really there, and I remember many times yelling at them and telling them how ridiculous they were.

Meanwhile, I was eating about twice a week and popping as much ephedra as I could get my hands on because I never felt thin enough. I still wish I could apologize to them for being such a hypocritical snatchbag...it really is a serious disorder, and I wish people would start taking it more seriously.

[smartpenguin78]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 12:18pm

I have always had serious body image issues.
Even when I was down to about 135, which I am told is way too low for my shape, I felt as though I was too wide in the hips or something. (I think that "homeland boxers" shape that singer mentioned applies to me as well)

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 12:18pm

"I'm really not even *attracted* to extremely thin men, but I've always wanted to be one..."
That's funny... I'm exactly the same way. Same with hair... I'm a little freaked about my hair, yet I'm attracted to balding men myself. Go figure!

GClef - so very true. The one thing I've been learning recently (VERY RECENTLY) is that as long as I feel good and like myself, others will like me to. Though still, when someone tells me that they find me attractive, I still just nod and don't quite believe why they would.

[beacon1]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 12:19pm

*looks in mirror*
*frets over upcoming trip to NYC*

It's difficult when meeting folks in person the first time. We have pictures in our heads of people which often don't match what we finally see.

*considers full length burqua*

[GClef2]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 12:22pm

I was in a clinic for a little over two months and continue to help teens with the same problems. And i know exactly what you mean...I feel like such a hypocrite telling them they need to eat when I go home and can't even make myself stomach food. It seems that the only way people understand these diseases is if they have them. It is NOT ABOUT FOOD, rather, a lack of order and self worth. Walking up and saying "I WILL NOT EAT TODAY" and actually following through with it gives a feeling of completion. Two young men died when I was in a clinic...one choked on his own vomit and I found him in the bathroom, and the other hung himself with a note about how no one understands how much he hated food...This body resentment has gone too far.

[Jane2]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 12:24pm

Here's a little audition story that might make you laugh. I was sent to audition for a fake commercial to be shown on SNL about GAP chinos. Ok, so it's my turn. I'm standing in front of the camera and the casting director is looking me up and down. "Um, this audition is supposed to be for fat people.", she said. "Oh, I AM fat!" I replied.(I could stand to lose 20 lbs.) "You don't look fat to me" she stated. "I'm much fatter than I look", I assured her. "When you see me on tape you'll see I'm fat". She didn't really want to let me audition but she finally did. When I eventually saw the spot, I noticed that the actors were really quite a bit larger than I am.

[SonofMammaMiaSam]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 12:27pm

Since the age of 15, I have been 6'4" tall and usually weighed about 180-185 lbs. I was a dancer.

About 12 years ago I decided to have the gay gym body of my dreams. I hired a personal trainer. I took two aerobics classes a day. I lifted weights and took dance/yoga classes three times a week. In about six months I weighed 173 lbs., had abs and 6% body fat. I danced at the bars SHIRTLESS! I went to my brothers wedding in a custom made Giorgio Armani suit (40 chest, 32 waist)and every relative asked me if I had been ill. My mother asked me if I had AIDS.

Flash forward three years. I start my second masters degree at night and am on campus five nights a week for 4-5 hours after working a ten hour day. The McDonald's drive thru window three blocks from campus becomes my only meal at 10 p.m. Over the two years I go from 185 pounds to 290 pounds. I have to wear a 3X graduation gown when I receive my diploma. I see the pictures and vow to do something immediately. In five months I loose 90 lbs through a balanced diet, exercise and OCD therapy.
The point of my personal journey ... the majority of the people who have known me throughout only remember me as FAT. The opening line of most conversations is "You've kept the weight off, how do you do it" or "You look good" (in the tone of: "for a former lard ass".
Updated On: 1/26/06 at 12:27 PM

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 12:30pm

I can totally relate, SOMMS. I lost about 50#s 4 years ago, and I was only that fat for a couple of years, but people still comment on how good I'm looking these days.

[JailyardGuy]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 12:31pm

I guess it's not just in your own head that once you're fat, you're always fat...it's in everyone else's, too.

F*ckers.

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 12:31pm

I know I'm not society's idea of beauty. I think I can be attractive in a real-world kind of way. But when people tell me I look beautiful, I don't believe it - I feel like they're just trying to make me feel good, and I can't accept it.

My beautiful, perfect-bodied best friend told me a couple of weeks ago, just as part of normal conversation, that I was beautiful - and she might believe it, we see the people we love through different eyes than we see the rest of the world - but I brushed it off, couldn't accept it graciously, and momentarily hurt her feelings.

That was a wake-up call for me

[brdlwyr]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 12:32pm

I lost about 30 pounds in 2004 and the old ladies thought that I had cancer.

[CostumeMistress]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 12:32pm

Wow, this will be a long post (brace yourself)...

I have struggled with this issue a lot. When I was in high school, I weighed about 150 lbs. (I'm 5'7") and was convinced I was fat. I wore somewhat baggy clothes, didn't like to wear clothes that had a lot of shape, because I was convinced that I was "fat." The fact is, the line of women in my family gives me wide hips, large breasts, a round face w/ a big nose, muscular legs and shoulders, and a soft little pooch under my stomach that will never go away (so says my svelte mother, who after 22 years of wedded bliss and three kids can STILL fit into her wedding dress). I finally had to just learn to accept how I look. (Not that I always do, but it's progress!) Oddly, 3 years after feeling "fat" at 150 lbs. in high school, I feel prettier (at 182 pounds!) than I ever have before. Granted, that's not the healthiest weight I could be. This year I resolved that if I could lose 3 pounds each month, I'd be at a very ideal shape/size come next Christmas. My doctor says that my ideal weight for my height is 135 lbs... I smile and nod but if I can be 150 lbs, I'll still be fabulously curvy and quite healthy.

I was talking with a friend just the other day about when I first took yoga and what a great instructor I had. I was describing this woman, who was in her mid-60s, in great shape but not really "skinny," fairly small-chested, had an abundance of laugh lines and who wore her waist-length grey hair up in a twisty bun. I was saying how she is the most gorgeous woman I've ever met - she truly is. Her beauty radiated from such a deep place inside - she was so at ease with herself and comfortable in her own skin. No magazine would put her on the cover - a size 8 (I'm guessing here), wrinkles, grey hair - but she had a calming presence and a genuine smile that I'll never forget.

[JailyardGuy]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 12:32pm

Darling Rathypoo, I think you are absolutely *PRECIOUS*!!!

[yodamarie78]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 12:33pm

This is an issue that has been very much in my mind for the past almost 8 months that I've been doing Weight Watchers. I have always had a terrible body image and have always thought that I was fat. Although I've never been skinny, I wasn't all that heavy until about midway through college. I finally got fed up last summer and have lost 43 lbs. I'm often amazed at how I can look in the mirror one minute and be pleased by how much thinner I am now and look again the next and think how very far I still have to go.

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 12:35pm

I've come to realize, and gracefully accept, that there are tastes for everything/everyone. The perfect example is when I go out with my roomie... the guys he finds hot do nothing for me, and he doesn't like any of the guys I go out with.

SO there are people out there who like slightly overweight, barrell chested, balding, latino men with hairy backs.

[JailyardGuy]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 12:42pm

Amen, honey!

[CostumeMistress]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 1:03pm

Hair on men is HOT! Nothing does it for me like a good crop of chest hair.

[colleen_lee]

Posted: 1/26/06 at 1:21pm

Scroll down the page to see who is considered overweight in Hollywood under the new government standards:

http://www.clevelandwomen.com/pro/obese.htm