Serious Discussion-Stress and Psych Disorders — Page 16

Kel, your husband sounds like a wonderful man. Hooray for men like him! (I would say I'm jealous, but I happen to be dating a man who's the same way - he says he'll always be thrilled with my body just as long as I never drag him through the "am I fat?" routine.)

And, Mamie, that's terrible! Please tell me that your former doctor is no longer practicing medicine?

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Wow, good discussion for today.

My experiences with this have been long and interesting I suppose. I think it was my mother who I know she cared and did it out of love, started encouraging me to diet. I joined Weight Watchers when I was 9. Then I went off, would gain again, etc, my mom would try to get me back on WW, she indirectly made me feel fat. Yes, I ate a lot, but still. I found out in 10th grade I had this complicated disease that has a lot of side effects including carbs being stored in my body for pure fat. I went to a nutritionist, and lost weight for a year, but I was supposed to hardly eat carbs and everything I liked was carbs so of course that didn't work out. Then I had a bit of a meltdown at college, and in addition to being depressed was put on medication that increased my appetite--I gained 40 pounds in 5 months. I've lost 20 since then, not trying to diet or anything, just what I've been doing lately has caused that.

But here's what I find most interesting, 20 pounds heavier aside, I think I have more self confidence now than I ever did when I suppose I was skinnier. I think so much of society's issue w/ overweightness is how they react to it. Personally, I've never had people call me fat or seen others called fat unless they were disliked to begin with anyway. The thing is, a lot of ppl who are obese are unhappy--they eat b/c they're unhappy, not vice-versa. They have low esteem to begin w/, and being fat doesn't help, so it creates a stigma in society that ppl should be unhappy if fat.

Sure I know health issues are a problem blah blah...I don't know what changed, I think lots of other things in me changed and now like...if I'm talking about being overweight, even if I was okay w/ it, it was my friends involuntary reaction to tell me how I'm not and it would bug me when I wasn't trying to get that reaction, just make a point. So you know what I do now? When I talk about it I say you know what guys? I have a big butt and I cannot lie, you other brothers can't deny and start shaking my big butt

I show off the fact that I go soo much faster at water parks than anyone. The only time I think I'm ever occassionally bothered is pictures, more from the 20 pounds heavier time. Those were hard to look at, but otherwise I've just learned to accept that I have a disease, I'm never gonna be "skinny" but society really doesn't discriminate against obese ppl like it seems, if I walk around singing Baby Got Back, ppl see me differently, not skinnier, but I don't know how to explain it. Just see I'm cool about it and I use it more as a this-is-who-I-am then someone who's really skinny and still wants to lose weight.

Finally, I wonder if this applies to gay men as well, but I've always felt horrible double standards as a girl. I would refer to myself as a very non-girly girl...I hate shopping, I like to wear comfortable things, I don't like to spend hours getting ready, I'm great at math, I don't need boyfriends, I adore sports...in these manuevers I feel I have to prove myself as a girl, you know? Not to be judged as a "girly girl," esp. in sports. But then there are moments I have when I see a gorgeous girl walking and of course a part of me wishes to be like her. There's a battle, no matter how much I or I think any girls can fight the trying to be beautiful part, there's always some part of her, some part of society that wants girls to be both androgynous and girly/sexy/attractive. It's a hard line to walk.

I keep fighting it though, and Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants had a great quote about it:

"Some people like to show off their beauty for all the world to see. Others like to hide their beauty...so the world will see something else." (something like that)

But society gives such mixed messages sometimes, it essentially says people should do both. It's hard. But I think in the end, now see I have confidence and esteem, not necessarily in my looks. I could go on about my physical flaws, but I've gained esteem in so many other aspects of my life, that I could sing Baby Got Back instead of walking around whining that I'm fat.

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I've just recently come to the realization that I was borderline anorexic all through middle school. I wasn't even aware of it at the time. I just brushed it off as not being "that bad" because I thought your ribs had to be sticking out of your chest to be considered anorexic. It really kind of freaks me out that I didn't even realize how unhealthy it was until years later. I'm just glad that my habits changed once I got to high school, or else who knows where I would have ended up.

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I'm lucky enough to be one of the few who is very comfortable with her own body. I'm 5'4 and about 105. I eat when I'm hungry and never find myself skipping dessert.

Do I wish that I could have more natural curves? Of course. However, I'm happy the way I am. It's probably strange to hear a 17-year-old say that, but I'm honestly very content.

My biggest pet peeve regarding this topic is that of people feeling they have the right to talk freely about how thin women are nasty or unattractive. Yes, women who take weight loss to an extreme (e.g. Nicole Richie) do look gross, but someone post on a board I frequent stating that she would like to lose some weight. People responded saying that she shouldn't because "skinny women are gross" (for the record, this wasn't a 100 pound girl looking to drop to 90 pounds or anything like that). No one bothered to respond to these posts. However, if someone were to say that "fat women are gross," you can bet that there would be an army of people ready to bitch out the poster. That double standard absolutely kills me, although I'm sure it's a small price to pay compared to the prejudice overweight people face in society.

Anyway, this is a great discussion topic of the day and I wish I had more to add to the conversation. I found all the posts very interesting!

Exactly. What bothered me was that the people in question were saying that thin women are gross -- as in, women who are skinny but not anorexic-looking. I mean, if you're simply not attracted to those who are thin, that's one thing, but there are different ways to express that feeling and it's sad how it's generally acceptable to make statements such as that.

Where was I? I thought the fashion industry, Hollywood, and our society in general says skinny is beautiful, and that you can never be too thin, and that's why everyone's trying to be skinny. It's the fat people who are experiencing the rejection, I thought.

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siamese, I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm your height and I weigh about 5-10 pounds less than you do, and I'm often afraid to admit that sometimes I'm not 100% happy with how my body looks because I don't want to be labeled as an "anorexic b**ch." No matter what size you are, there may be days when you'll wake up and feel blah when you look in the mirror and articles of clothing that may be your size but aren't flattering, and it drives me nuts that people think I'm immune to that.

ETA: skittles, while it's horrible that people did that about your friend, it's sadly not that uncommon. One of my classmates in high school actually sent an anonymous note to the guidance counselor expressing "concern" about how "unnaturally thin" I was, leading to a rather humiliating lecture from the guidance counselor about the dangers of an eating disorder I don't have.

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Updated On: 1/26/06 at 05:33 PM

I am morbidly obese and I am not happy with the way my body functions { or doesn't function}. But it is the only one that I have right now. I feel I am beautiful no matter what size body I have. Self esteem can't be measured on a scale. Weight is just a measurement of what is going on in your body metabolically. Just like blood pressure measures what is going on with your heart or a fever measures an infection you have. Someone remarked to me that they can't weight to see me after a year following weight loss surgery because I will be sexy. I am sexy NOW.

That is the problem...if someone is fat-they eat like a pig. If someone is thing-they're anorexic...when someone is healthy and they eat something fattening, everyone looks at them like "Your gonna get fat" and when a large person eats a salad, it is assumed "Awww, theyre trying to lose weight" Meanwhile, 125 pound women are having heart attacks and 550 pound men are running marathons...

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The USA motto-Skinny=good Fat=bad.

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Ooh, I think that's another really bad trend in society--society's ills or just...silly teen stuff? keep going down to younger and younger in age. Some of the shirts I've seen in Abercrombie kids(dragged in there by friends, never willingly go) disgusts me. Shirts about school sucking, saying negative things about parents, and just some of those shirts that shouldn't be worn by really young kids with sayings on them and stuff. Plus, the fashions extend down so now 7-year olds are being encouraged to show as much skin as possible. What happens is the trials and tribulations of adolescence I think get started earlier these days.

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Absolutely, wrq. My mother teaches at an elementary school and she's appalled by the way some of the 3rd-graders dress - she says she wouldn't have let me out of the house dressed like that when I was in high school!

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