Serious Discussion-Stress and Psych Disorders — Page 15

colleen- Thats scary. Most of those people are like sticks and theyre considered "overweight/obese"???

I always feel fat, perhaps it’s just a complex of being the same size as your mother who is a little over three decades older than you, has popped babies out, and is on prednizone (sp?); and we can’t forget the fact that the people close to your age in your extended family just happen to be ****ing size zeros. I’m always sort of distraught, because I get mixed messages, and frankly I don’t know how to exactly think of myself. I don’t loathe the way I look, but I’m particularly content. I constantly fluctuate between 125-135 lbs, and I’m 5’5”. All the extra weight goes to my lower body, yet it’s the last place I lose weight. So all in all it’s a little frustrating. Then again my bone structure will just never allow for a very thin and long build that would be nice. What serious ****s me in the head is that the same people who tell me that I can occasionally lose a few pounds are the ones who are on my case when I drift down to the 120’s. I’m small on top; I guess I have a relatively tiny waist (I’m slightly OCD about ab workouts, so don’t mind me) so the whole not being proportional complex just pisses me off even more when dress shopping.

I know if I just eat healthy and exercise, I lose weight without much of a problem. But I always break and binge. It’s a vicious cycle. Oh when does soccer season start? But that just gets me even more pissed off when all the girls on the team decide to go eat **** before the game, and I get lectures about ED's because I decided not to down a burger and super size fries before the game.

*bangs head in to wall* Then there are my friends that don't eat, who are rail thin, think that they are somehow fat, and I'm not. Ohhhh got to luuuurve HS.

Updated On: 1/26/06 at 01:36 PM

A friend told me once, "It's just a number, and it's not plastered on your forehead." It's true... when people meet you, they aren't trying to instantly guess your weight, they're looking at your facial expression, your body, what you're wearing, what you're saying, all as one package. I have to remember that - people don't see me as "182," they see me as "[insert CM's real name here]."

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You talk to your doctor about it, bway. If you want to know the correct weight and balance for your own body.

Being healthy is the most important thing to consider.

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Addy... as much as I like my doctor, he brought up the whole BMI thing. Then, of course, my nutritionist told me not to pay attention to it.

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I should clarify: I meant that you should talk to your doctor (or any professional who you trust to give you accurate information regarding health/nutrition) about what you should do to remain healthy.

The big picture. Not just numbers on a chart.

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Heh. Good point, Somms.
But you're right, Addy. Absolutely right. And I do intend, once my health insurance kicks in and I find a doctor whom I can trust, that I'm going to explain my history, explain my recent shift, and see what he has to offer by way of the future.
And then we start running, right?

Updated On: 1/26/06 at 02:01 PM

The one good thing my doctor do was MAKE me see the nutritionist. He kept on seeing my weight go up, and he'd suggest me doing something about it. Finally, when I hit 242, he said "You are seeing the nutritionist." So I said I'd call to make an appointment, and he just said "No, you're seeing her now." He left the room and came back 10 minutes later with her. That's when I started my weightloss... in a healthy way. Best thing that could've happened to me.

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My bottom line-we're dealt a hand at birth. That hand is going to determine most of our health issues. I'm DEFINITELY for trying to be as healthy as we can, eating healthy, and to feel as comfortable in our bodies as we can. But lots of it is genetic and in most cases, it'll get you no matter what else you do.

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<------- What happens when you don't take Jane's advice...(and are half-crazy to begin with.)

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Updated On: 1/26/06 at 03:21 PM

It's such a complicated issue, and there's so much hysteria on both sides that it's hard to be able to look at the subject clearly.

A few years ago I weighed about 185. I'd been climbing the scale steadily since college and it was never really a big issue for me. In 2003 I had two roles coming up that I really wanted to get (Prior in Angels in America and the title role in Hedwig and the Angry Inch) and I knew I'd have to drop some weight. I'd considered it before, not really to make myself happier, but because according to my doctor my BMI was in the "almost obese" category and according to most of the gay men out there, I was too fat to get laid.

Through diet, exercise and determination and I got down to about 145. Sure, my ribs were starting to poke out and I was barely eating, but I'd achieved an ideal I never thought I would. I'd achieved an ideal I never thought I'd wanted. It was strangely empowering. Being much smaller, I noticed people looking at more approvingly. It was strange, though, for someone who had always been comfortable carrying a little extra around his middle to suddenly start to feel the pressure to be thin and stay thin.

Trying to stay at 145 was next to impossible, because clearly my body wasn't built to be that size. As soon as I stopped working out seven days a week and relaxed some of my dietary restrictions, I gained another ten pounds or so.

I fluctuate now between 150 and 160, usually hovering around 155. I've finally gotten myself to a point - after getting so thin that friends and family were seriously concerned that I had an eating disorder (and to some degree, I probably did) - where I allow myself to eat that extra piece of pizza or that Little Debbie cake. The cycle of shame tied into one's weight can be so strong, that it's really a tough one to break.

I'm generally comfortable with my body now, but something happened to me after I lost all the weight, I guess, and I've found myself buying into a lot of the body issues I'd spent such a good portion of my life avoiding.

At the end of the day, I agree that people just have to be happy with whom they are. If you're tiny and your truly happy, then that's as it should be. If you're carrying around some "extra" weight but feel good about yourself, then it's obvious that's the right choice as well.

The interesting thing is that no matter what my weight, I've always found myself attracted to guys who are carrying a few extra pounds. Why it's easier for me to accept on someone else than on myself, I'm not quite sure.

Anyway, this rant is way too long. Carry on.

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