The Official Adam Pascal Love Thread, part three- Page 417

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 3:40pm

My parents are pretty set in their bigotry, too. Sometimes they try, but I don't think they mean it, because when they aren't watching their words, bad things slip out, almost as if by instinct. My mother had the nerve to say "I'm pretty liberal, you know," when I told her she clearly would have a heart attack because Jack and Ennis have sex on screen during Brokeback Mountain. A few days later, she said she couldn't handle watching that. I have a lot of trouble with the stuff my parents believe in, but that's not even a problem right now.

Now we're all just mad at each other, and everyone thinks it's someone else's fault, with no way out. I think I'll keep getting fingers pointed at me, though, because my return upsets the equillibrium.

[Shiksa Goddess2]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 3:46pm

The worst is when someone (or eveyone) tells you that it would have been better if you hadn't come home- that hurts so much.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 3:56pm

Well, they didn't need to tell me; it's really obvious that I create waves they don't need.

It's hard because when I'm away my mom is hurt if I just pop in for a doctor's appointment and a meal, or my brother calls, begging me to come home and go to his band concert -- and then I come home, and after like two days, they're over the excitment of seeing me, we all realize that nobody's going to settle in like "normal," and things go stale. I always said that there was less reason for me to come home often because I see my family so often while I'm at school, and I think it's becoming painfully obvious that I was right; that my being home is unnecessarily stressful. At least if we just spend time together, it's pleasant. Now, everyone is hurt, and it's clear that we've gotten used to things as they are when I'm away.

[theatrebabe]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 4:37pm

Awwwwww Em. I'm sorry. That sucks. I hope things work out. Big family arguments scare me.

I've been getting more and more annoyed wih my parents lately. But it's not because our beliefs are any different(they're very liberal), I think it's just becayse I'm sick of living in the same house with them. Sometimes it's nice, sometimes I want to kill them. But I still have 5 years to go so I better get used to it.

[Chloe]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 4:57pm

I'm really sorry everyone. You make spending the holidays alone seem quite blissful. And to tell the truth, they are a stressful time that can bring out the worst in anyone. When my boyfriend lived here, we would often fight about the stupidest things just because expectations for having a great time are so high.

Theatrebabe, I suspect that you're starting to establish an identity separate from your family, which can be hard when you all basically agree about a lot of things. Maybe you feel sick of living in that house because you are feeling the need to find out who you are when you're on your own.

[orangeskittles]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 5:02pm

Emcee, your experience is almost *exactly* like mine, except that it's usually my dad. This summer, it was like that nearly every day, and we ending up getting into this huge fight in the parking lot across from my dorm when they drove me back to school this fall. I basically broke down crying and told them that I hate coming home because they make me so incredibly miserable. They either treat me like an annoying guest that's disrupting their lives, or they treat me like my old high school self. I finally pointed out that pretty soon, I'm not going to be living at home and with the way they treat me, I'm not going to want to come back and visit. My mom seemed pretty upset about it, so I guess that did kind of help improve things. I've only had 2 screaming fights with my parents in the past week.

And my parents and my fights have resulted in broken-down doors, threats to kick me out (my 18th birthday we got into a fight and my dad pointed out that he could legally kick me out today), holes in the walls, furniture being destroyed. Then we go skipping off to church as a family Sunday morning and pretend none of that happened the night before (or even earlier that morning). I couldn't handle it anymore and that's why I'm making all these plans over the holiday, because I knew I HAD to get out of the house, or else I would end up driving myself insane putting up with all their crap.

Hang in there. Just know that you're not alone *hugs*

[Chloe]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 5:08pm

Everyone please feel free to come by here and have cookies, nuts and treats with a glass of wine or Coke or whatever. I'm warching a show about various European Christmas traditions, and right now some Austrians are lighting real candles on their tree, which they keep hidden until Christmas Eve. I have about eight candles lit myself, as well as my Christmas tree with about 150 ornaments on it. Wish you were here.

[Billboard Girl]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 5:35pm

*hugs everyone having issues with their families*

I hope that everyone has a happy holiday. I probably won't be on BWW that much this week (I'm on a cruise with my family and Internet access on the ship is pretty expensive), but I'll definitely be thinking of you guys.

[Billboard Girl]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 5:35pm

*hugs everyone having issues with their families*

I hope that everyone has a happy holiday. I probably won't be on BWW that much this week (I'm on a cruise with my family and Internet access on the ship is pretty expensive), but I'll definitely be thinking of you guys.

[jeremykushnier1fan]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 5:37pm

My father is just an agry-controling-selfish man, and if things aren't the way he wants it everyone suffers. My mother just wants to keep him happy, so she lets him control. It drives me insane. Me and my father just clash, we are both very different. And when you speak up about something your immdiately stupid and put down. I'm just waiting until' i'm old enough to move out.

[theatrebabe]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 5:43pm

*hugs* I'm sorry kush.

I wish I were there with you Chloe. Sounds like fun. :)

[Alix7272]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 5:54pm

*offers more hugs*

I'm sorry everyone!

Since I still live at home (only for about another 4 months total before college!) my parent stuff is ongoing instead of showing up at the holidays. I guess in a way that's good because it doesn't ruin the holidays, just other days throughout the year.

Updated On: 12/24/05 at 05:54 PM

[ontheskyway]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 6:07pm

I'm sorry everyone. Families can be such a pain sometimes. It's kind of refreshing, in a way, to hear your guys' family drama stories, because it makes me feel like I'm not alone.

I know how that goes, Alix: just another day of the year.

I still live with my parents,, and I'm in college. I really want to go somewhere else for school (that was the goal I had all through high school, but then that fell through) but I don't have the money to transfer nor enough credits to transfer right right now, so I'll have to wait for that. I feel like I haven't grown as a person at all since high school, and I feel like I'm wasting time here going to a school I don't care for, not making any friends, etc. I feel like I need a change.

My family is not very close at all, and I have a hard time becoming close with others outside of my family because of this. We support each other, but it's mostly out of obligation; nobody shares the things they like with the family - when I try to share the things I like, nobody cares. It's a very cold family situation. I don't get a long with my sister AT ALL, but that's another issue. But, of course, whenever we go somewhere as a family, we look all fine-and-dandy. I want to move out, but sometimes I feel like I'm not ready - I'm beginning to think this feeling is just fear, though.

*hugs*

[JLSatUD]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 6:42pm

Ah, families ... can't live with 'em, can't live w/out 'em? :)

Oh how I wish *I* were on a cruise - that would be fantastic! I've been trying for the last couple years to talk the family into a cruise or all inclusive vacation instead of presents for Christmas. But sadly my brother usually only gets a day or 2 off work whereas I have the week. (Perk of being a teacher!) :)

Just got back from Christmas Eve pagent and church...I went w/out complaining because I was going to use it to my benefit so I could go see Rent tomorrow night when we're all sick of each other, but the mall switched and now there are no showings tomorrow. THere was one small benefit of being at church, though ... tons and tons of little kids in red and white dresses a la Angel's dancy outfit! It made me smile, especially the girls who had short dark hair cause it just makes the outfit. :) Nobody had zebra tights on, though. :)

Now I'm being dragged to a neighborhood "we-have-no-relatives-so-lets-be-bored-together" outing ... Luckily there will be other people my age there that I can escape the adults with. We may be in our 20's but the kid's playstation in the basement is still more fun than the standard "what are you doing with life?" "why are you not married?" quetsions that we face upstairs!!!!! :)


EDIT: OHOHOHOH ... and at church we were downstairs cause so many people (like me) only show up for holidays ... so none of the stuff they usually have handy was there...just a min or two before the service started the priest was walkin around with the candles looking for someone with a lighter or matches to light them. "Gotta light?" HA. So then poor me had LMC running through my head instead of whatever churchy song I was supposed to be singing :)
Updated On: 12/24/05 at 06:42 PM

[jeremykushnier1fan]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 6:54pm

Memebers at BWW are an awesome family.

[insomniak]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 7:11pm

*hugs to all*

I'm really sorry for you guys.

Emcee, I'll send you love on New Year's and bad vibes to your evil imp of a sibling.

I've got a few computer headaches, but other than that I'm alright. *knocks on wood* Although I was watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory earlier and I said that I was sort of like Veruca Salt. My grandma replied, "Well, at least you recognize it."

[Fantabulous428]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 7:22pm

Hopefully everyone won't pop from all the hugging, but I bring another hug.

*hugs*

It's really sh*tty that this break is supposed to be somewhat relaxing and those of you who are having family problems are stressed and unhappy. Not much to say to make it better, but I hope things work out or improve just a teeny bit for those of you who are miserable. Just come on here and vent to all of us. Getting it out always makes you feel better.

Updated On: 12/24/05 at 07:22 PM

[insomniak]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 7:30pm

I have SO much homework to do... *falls over* I might even find time to open presents tomorrow, but I'm not banking on it.

[Fantabulous428]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 7:32pm

I hope you have time to open presents!

[insomniak]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 7:37pm

Yeah, me too.

What holiday do you celebrate?

[Fantabulous428]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 7:39pm

Hannukah

[wickedrentq]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 8:19pm

*so no room to add into the hugs so just jumps on everyone w/ a hug*

Well, at first I started thinking about ways to play psychologist for each situation, but...if I really wanted to help...I'm not a psychologist so...yeah.

Remember that you always have a wonderful loving family right here

But...I'll try to play a little devil's advocate...go back to the feelings of a younger sis whose siblings went off and try to understand parents...it sounds like a lot of them haven't completely gotten over you leaving--growing up, becoming a diff. person, etc. Empty nest syndrome. They miss you terribly, and then can't wait for you to come home but they remember the old you, want it to be the same, and naturally it isn't, you're a diff person and they resent that b/c you're not their "baby" anymore and it means they're getting over the hill. Which perfectly explains Skittles accurate statement of either feeling like an unwanted guest or like they want her to be her old self...

From a younger sibling perspective, that's doubly hard. My prob was my oldest sister totally regressed when she came home, but my middle sister didn't, and I always got mad when she'd come home and not want to spend time w/ me. And I guess everyone has issues w/ the how am I supposed to relate to and deal w/ this new person etc?

It's a tricky situation but as you guys can see, is a pretty normal reaction. I'm not quite sure what I can suggest. I mean, if you could try integrating your family more into your life, have them visit you at school, tell them more about friends(well I know that's a problem we've discussed), but ya know things like that they'll feel a more part of your life and maybe more prepared for you to come home a different person? Maybe interacting w/ them not in the house can be a positive too since you all seem to not like being in your houses. Or I mean if it's at all possible you would think to have an honest, rational discussion where everyone can get their feelings out w/o blowing up...maybe if they're in a good mood or maybe if you're in the process of doing something for them?

Whatever the fact remains...you could feel uncomfortable at home, friends can change, etc...but you can't change your family. You want them to accept you for who you are, and that needs to be a two-way street, you need to accept them. And doing everything you can to never be home won't really solve the problem, b/c...they're your family. If you could somehow work to working through issues instead of running, you'd be better off.

And let me preface this by saying I'm not saying you all don't accept your parents or that you haven't tried talking or are running away, etc. I really don't know enough about the situation to judge that but well I'm playing devil's advocate and just trying to see their side of the story as much as possible, just considering all possibilities that could be occuring to cause problems.

Anyway, I know how stressful school is and it does really suck that things get more stressful now. Listen to some showtunes, always cheers me up!

And please forgive me for playing psychologist, I have issues w/ that(ha-ha)

[Fantabulous428]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 9:04pm

ooooo I missed it by 4 minutes but...


December 24th, 9 pm eastern standard time.

heh. hope that made you guys slightly amused.

[Chloe]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 9:12pm

Thanks Fantabulous. Someone pulled up the old thread about Winter Light, the song by Alan Menken that Adam sang for a movie called Noel. It was just released on DVD, and also played on Lifetime tonight. I switched over just in time to see that the credit music had been replaced by ads for their upcoming shows, so I missed Winter Light once again.

Never mind, I'm watching It's a Wonderful Life.

[ontheskyway]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 9:16pm

Do you have the song, Chloe? Emcee posted it a while ago in the Anthony thread. I can send it to you if you don't have it

I posted this in the Winter Light thread, but I'll post it again here: I freaking love this song. It's so pretty.