If you could change a scene from a show...

I was thinking today about several shows that have some weak scenes in them that can stand to use a rewrite. So I am asking all aspiring writers to take a try on writing an alternate scene. Ill give an example from Wicked.

Scene: Right before I am not the Girl ie the Fiyero and Elphaba scene. The one problem I always have with this scene is that it does not make clear why Fiyero likes Elphaba. Heres my take that I feel could not only provide better understanding but at least make more sense.

Orginal- E: You may pretend to be self absorbed and shallow.
F: Excuse me. There is no pretense here. I happen to be genuinely self-absorbed and deeply shallow.
E: No your not...or you wouldn't be so unhappy.
F: -pause- Look if you dont want my help.
E: No I do (grabs his hand) etc etc etc

My take: E: You may pretend to be self-absorbed and shallow.
F: Excuse me there is no pretense here. I happen to be genuinly self-aborbed and deeply shallow.
E: No you're not.
F: -shocked but recovers- Yes I am. I mean, whats the point of being anything else? I am a prince. One day my kingdom will be mine and all this fun, this dancing, will be over. Why become deep and thoughtful? It just doesnt matter. Forget love as well. All I seem to attract are the same shallow and self-absorbed girls anyway...
E: Thats...thats not true.
F: Oh you mean Galinda (ed: fixed)? Ha! Just the same. Another girl who sees me for my looks and reputation.
E: Then...what kind of girl do you want?
F: Forget it. This is what my life is and I am enjoying it
E: Thats not true. Or you wouldn't be so unhappy.

At least Fiyero now has *gasp* motivation to liking Elphaba lol. More coming soon from other plays. Please feel free to post some of your own rewrites.

Updated On: 10/14/05 at 09:50 PM

Give me some white-out and Ave. Q!!!

---

It would be Galinda at that point in the show since she changes her name before she and Elphaba go to the Emerald City... but that's a minor thing.

SirLiir---my hat is off to you. A very nice effort on that, and well done!

I personally wasn't bothered by that scene, but I can see how you were and what your points are. They're well taken.

For me, the final library "confrontation" scene in RAGTIME has always bothered me. The second act is bloated with WAY too many power ballads in a row, and I think it undermines this amazing and brilliant show by hitting the audience over the head with hard-driven messages. I love "Back To Before" which I feel is necessary for Mother to finally take a stand and move on. But her anthem to independence is followed by the library scene with Coalhouse.

The song "Make Them Hear You," much as I like it, should be cut altogether. This scene would be far more effective and dramatic with dialogue alone. It also stops the action of that moment entirely, by having him sing a repetitive lyric that doesn't really dive further into his sentiments or ideas. Lose the song, and the show would have a much stronger and tighter second act.

---

Updated On: 10/13/05 at 10:40 AM

don't get me wrong, i love dance of the vampires. but there are still many changes that i would have made. the most important change would be to make Krolock a serious character. he'd be more believable that way. the other characters can be comic, but i think that krolock should have taken his character more seriously so that there was a greater change in him by the end.

this is probably one of the reasons that the show didn't do well. krolock, a central character, was all over the place with his lines and emotions. it would have been more compelling if he was more serious.

i'd change the scene where krolock attempts to give the fallical sponge to alfred. why not just have herbert do it? it would be more funny and it would allow krolock to remain more serious.

there's more. but i love this show and it holds a special place in my heart. i guess it's pointless to suggest changes because the chances of this show coming back to broadway(or anywhere) are extremely low. but i just had to get those little things off my chest!

Well personally I see a HUGE point being made by the the revealing of Mary Sunshine.

Peter Pan fails to teach the Darling children to fly. No trip to Neverland. Peter Pan leaves. The end.

I'm the worst!

---

I'd cut the scene in Count Fosco's house for THE WOMAN IN WHITE. After "You Can Get Away with Anything," the scene really dragged with the seduction song. That song really needed to be shortened. Actually, to me, the whole second act after that scene really needed some editing.

Oh, and thanks for the laugh CapnHook. Good one.

---

To disagree a bit more with By The Sea and Wait...

By The Sea: I'm come to think this song is about Nellie's desire to leave London and live a cleaner life. She has amassed almost enough money to buy a home, and uses the song to try to persuade Sweeney to join her and tempts him with the chance to kill someone once in a while--that line comes closer to the end of the song, indicating to me a new tactic (bright ideas just pop into her head) when Sweeney seems unresponsive. It's a fantasy that's she's likely had since childhood, and now she has the means and the man to make it happen.

Wait: I think she's definitely more frightened of Sweeney at this point in the show, and perhaps fears for her own life, since she's the one who's told him the judge would come. Music to soothe the savage beast so to speak, and save her own neck...so to speak...

I can see your point, with "Make Them Hear You," which to me only works in the last lines--I'll be near you (meaning Sarah) again...I think he's resigned himself to die and is talking himself into walking out that door. Now whether or not Brian Stokes played it this way I don't know, I saw Alton do it, who was incredible and I was so busy sobbing hysterically I don't know that I recall his particular interpretation.

But these are two of my absolute favorite shows, so it's hard for me to see them as flawed...which I'm sure they are. Not!

I see what you're saying, best...it is emotionally tasking to go through all those heavy songs...and I agree, like I said, I think it only has resonance (for me) in the last lines...

"My Fair Lady"- Eliza does leave to marry Freddy. My mom and I always hated how she came back to Higgins.

I loved Zanna but hated the ending.
In my version the couples would stay with their same sex partners and Zanna would end up alone.
Just my opinion.
Also, instead of the bird. The bird would be a puppet, especially if John Tags was in it. The bird would sing.

Yes, you can add the Annie Get Your Gun ending to the "Eliza takes him back anyway" list of forehead-slappers.

These shows are definitely from another era in history.

---