JLo is no Rita Hayworth, and Bill Condon is no director of musicals. He doesn't understand how to effectively shoot a number most of the time, and I don't think the fantasy sequences recreated MGM much at all, apart from "Gimme Love" which reminded me a little of the Gene Kelly/Cyd Charisse portion of the "Broadway Rythm/Broadway Melody" sequence in Singin' in the Rain (maybe the ending of "Only in the Movies" had a touch of the Faust number in The Band Wagon). Actually, the first number reminded me--if anything--of "Think Pink" from Paramount's Funny Face. And the prison scenes are often pretty bad, too, as "roughed up" prisoners look no worse than you'd have seen in a 70's t.v. movie. Not a lot of grit there. For the first half hour, I thought I was going to hate the movie, but it got better.
Even at it's best, though, it left me with mixed feelings. For the record, the best is "Where You Are," and it is such a blatant rip-off of "Cell Block Tango" that it's kinda embarrassing. Not just the concept--which, to be fair, can be at least partially attributed to Condon's screenplay, but the look, costuming and editing, which more rightly are Rob Marshall's. That number, "Gimme Love"--which disappointed me on the soundtrack but works very efffectivey on screen, even if it's not a patch on the original stage version--and "Only in the Movies" are the only numbers that really pop. I was hoping I'd love the reinstated numbers better in the actual film, but they are pretty mediocre and I can't see why Condon returned to them (other than being able to force them into his concept of one movie plot rather than scenes from various films). It's interseting that Tonatiuh in drag at the end looks reminiscent of JLo as Aurora. That's a doubling that works.
A much less effective doubling is making Aurora and the Spider Woman duo roles. Did we really need Kiss of the Spider Woman to become Cobra Woman: The Musical? But then, of all Hollywood performers, Maria Montez is the probably the highest JLo can aspire to.
Why on earth does Condon always mute the emotional impact of his movie musicals with drabber endings that the stage shows they are based on? He did it with Dreamgirls (really? cutting away from the singers' reunion to Curtis Taylor, Jr. recognizing his daughter in the audience is where he thinks the climax to that story needed to be placed???) and damn it, he did it again here. The most powerful moment imaginable, and he throws it away for something not even half as moving.
And yet, I did find myself moved. Tonatiuh is amazing. Diego Luna is pretty good, too. I believed in their growing bond, if not much else, and their final scene together in the prison got to me. I'll probably want to see it again on the big screen at least one more time before it leaves theaters--which I expect to be very soon.
Updated On: 10/13/25 at 11:28 PM
