What is the worst review you can give a show?

[Yankeefan007]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 5:34pm

Don't know why I'm thinking about this, but, what is the worst review anyone can give a show?

I'm compelled to say:

"Well, the band was terrific!"

[husk_charmer]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 5:40pm

That's the best 100 dollar nap i've ever had!

[bwayondabrain]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 5:40pm

0 out of 5 stars, maybe?

[commasplice]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 5:41pm

"I was really impressed by the way the staff dealt with the long lines for the restroom at intermission."

[Patronus]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 5:42pm

"I though it was great!" -WickedWeddingSinger3921901930

[BSoBW2]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 5:44pm

"Even the chairs were uncomfortable."

[InfiniteTheaterFrenzy]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 5:45pm

I just remember reading all the "In My Life" reviews and thinking... how could reviews be any worse than these?

Posted: 10/27/06 at 5:47pm

"well curtain call was AMAZING!" (yea, i actually heard this)

[MargoChanning]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 5:49pm

"[Insert name of featured actor here] made the LEAST of a small role."

[B3TA07]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 5:59pm

"At least Wicked did us the decency of covering up the horrible writing with stage flight. All you guys had was a sheep."

[MargoChanning]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 6:20pm

A few from John Simon:


"As Viola, Helen Hunt is as bad as it gets. She wears a permanently befuddled expression, scrunches up her eyes as though under a barrage of grapefruits, and always leads with her head as if to butt her lines into an enemy goal. Her delivery is a tuneless singsong, and whereas some Violas have trouble passing for a boy, this one has problems reminding us she's a woman. No less ludicrous is the Olivia of Kyra Sedgwick, though here the heavy directorial hand is more guiltily evident. She behaves largely like a sideshow freak, with double-jointed contortions, unhinged crouches and leaps, grimaces unlimited, and fishwifely squeals and yelps -- and this, mind you, from a supposedly frosty, aristocratic beauty in unthawable mourning. In a production in which unlikely and painfully protracted smoochings proliferate, her near-rape of Sebastian takes the cake -- if not the ale as well."


"There are several things wrong here, but the worst -- contrary to what you may have read elsewhere -- was the casting of Faith Prince as the solicitous and charismatic phone-answering-service operator Ella Peterson, a role Judy Holliday irradiated at the 1956 premiere with armor-piercing charm. Miss Prince, regrettably, has some twenty extra years and an equal number of extra pounds under her belt, which, however, is trifling compared with her slim spontaneity and slender charm. Looking like Angela Lansbury on a bad-hair day, she seems about as likely to fill the sullen and hostile riders on a New York subway with fraternal love as able to transform the Sahara into a botanical garden."


"Let us start with its main -- almost its only -- selling point: Liza Minnelli. I always thought Miss Minnelli's face deserving -- of first prize in the beagle category. Less aphoristically speaking, it is a face going off in three directions simultaneously: the nose always en route to becoming a trunk, blubber lips unable to resist the pull of gravity, and a chin trying its damnedest to withdraw into the neck, apparently trying to avoid responsibility for what goes on above it. It is, like any face, one that could be redeemed by genuine talent, but Miss Minnelli has only brashness, pathos and energy."


And after seeing Dame Diana Rigg in a particular play back in the 70s (in which she was nude at one point) "She is built like a brick mausoleum with insufficient flying buttresses."

[All_For_Laura]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 6:21pm

The Wedding Singer had great intermission beverages.

[best12bars]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 6:56pm

Margo---Those are gems.

Here's an oldie but goodie:

"The scenery was terrific, but the actors kept getting in front of it."

[WickedGeek28]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 7:01pm

The bartender was cute.

[DTBG2]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 7:01pm

"The actors were working really hard up there!"

"The sets were amazing!"

[Dollypop]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 7:01pm

Isn't Dorothy Parker known for giving the following review (verbatim) of a play she didn't like?

"HOUSE BEAUTIFUL isn't"

That was it.

[Jade]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 7:16pm

It was certainly... an experience.

[Mr Roxy]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 7:18pm

My ticket was free and I still feel cheated

[neddyfrank2]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 7:28pm

I always thought that it was to call a show 'cute'

[Mr Roxy]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 7:29pm

Well, at least the set was nice

[best12bars]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 8:11pm

"3penny Opera"

Paid more... but it was worth less.

[myManCape]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 8:37pm

I remember the NY Times review for In My Life that said "Hurry Down to the Music Box Theatre because this one wont be around for long" Then they used the 1st 1/2 of the quote above the theatre entrance.

[Julian2]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 8:48pm

"Ya know, I never realized how important set design was to a show. But at least the actors seemed to be doing a good job."

[Mr Roxy]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 8:58pm

One review said of titanic Glub Glub

The same reviewer on Nick & Nora - It resembles what Asta leaves on the street . Very cold as is the reviewer - literally

[aspiringactress]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 9:02pm

Waht's really sad is that one of the performers mentioned in Margo's juicy post is somone who I am very close to. Kinda makes me sad...lol