The Bad Joke Thread
The Bad Joke Thread
#0The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/4/05 at 11:07pm
Provide your best BAD joke!
What do you call an actor with a headache?
An aspirin actor. 
"The Spectacle has, indeed, an emotional attraction of its own, but, of all the parts, it is the least artistic, and connected least with the art of poetry. For the power of Tragedy, we may be sure, is felt even apart from representation and actors. Besides, the production of spectacular effects depends more on the art of the stage machinist than on that of the poet."
--Aristotle
--Aristotle
Broadway Legend Joined: 12/31/69
#1re: The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/4/05 at 11:13pmCapn, did you see that new Pirate movie? It's rated Arrrrrrghhh!
Cruel_Sandwich
Broadway Legend Joined: 6/30/05
#2re: The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/4/05 at 11:20pm
A camel walks into a bar and says "Man! I'm so damn thirsty!"
The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve beer to camels"
The camel says "But...I'm so damn cute! After all, I DID co-write Plato's Symposium, did I not?"
The bartender stands agahst and says "Why, sir! Nobody mentions Plato's Symposium within this establishment! Geteth out of here right now! NOW! NOW!"
The camel smiles and says "See what happens when you mess with a camel?"
Snaps
Broadway Legend Joined: 4/17/05
#3re: The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/4/05 at 11:23pmBacon and eggs walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Go away. We don't serve breakfast here."
"Bangarang, Rufio!"
--Hook
#4re: The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/4/05 at 11:33pm
There are the jokes.
NICE signature, Snaps.
"The Spectacle has, indeed, an emotional attraction of its own, but, of all the parts, it is the least artistic, and connected least with the art of poetry. For the power of Tragedy, we may be sure, is felt even apart from representation and actors. Besides, the production of spectacular effects depends more on the art of the stage machinist than on that of the poet."
--Aristotle
--Aristotle
#5re: The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/4/05 at 11:41pm
Knock Knock.
Whose there?
Interupting Starfish.
Interupting S...
(Sticks hand in front of face)
Or
Whose There?
Interupting Giraffe.
Interupting Gir...
Hey! Look at Me! I am a Giraffe!
KRISTEN CHENOWETH
To show my gratitude, I'll offer you this pointy black hat, which is just like the one Original Wicked Witch Margaret Hamilton wore in the movie!
IDINA MENZEL
What a great idea! How about throughout the play, you continue to offer me things like a black cloak, or a black
cape, or a broom to make me look more and more like Margaret Hamilton did! These attempts at humor will be painfully
predictable from a mile away!
AUDIENCE collectively groans.
Dollypop
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/15/03
#6re: The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/4/05 at 11:44pm
You're looking for a bad joke?
Okay, I'll give you a bad joke:
Albin is a bad joke.
"Long live God!" (GODSPELL)
The Grovers Corners Yenta
Broadway Legend Joined: 8/3/04
#7re: The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/4/05 at 11:51pmAn elderly man staggers with a cane into an ice cream parlor and takes a seat atthe counter. Hre orders himself an ice cream sundae. The woman behind the counter asks him, " Crushed Nuts?". " No, " he replies. " Arthritis."
"Friends are the people you chose as family."....Me.
#8re: The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/4/05 at 11:57pm
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
(My 7 year old cousin told me this one today)
Like a firework unexploded
Wanting life but never knowing how
Wanting life but never knowing how
Broadway Legend Joined: 12/31/69
#9re: The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/5/05 at 12:49am
World's shortest fairy tale:
Once upon a time, a man asked a woman to marry him.
She said no.
And he lived happily ever after.
Up In Lost
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/15/05
#10re: The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/5/05 at 1:06amTHere is a fmaily of three moles living in a hole near a house. One day, the father mole pops his head out of the hole, and sniffs the air, "I smell bacon!" He declares. Soon after, teh mother mole pops her head out of the hole, "I smell eggs!" She squeaked. The baby mole, unable to stick his head out because his parents were blocking the hole says, :I smell molasses!"
Well, I'm glad he got away with it.
morosco
Broadway Legend Joined: 7/10/04
#11re: The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/5/05 at 1:11am
A grasshopper walks into a bar a says to the bartender, "hey ...I didn't know you had a drink named after me!"
And the bartender looks and the grasshopper and says:
"Why would anyone name a cocktail 'Steve' ??"
Updated On: 7/5/05 at 01:11 AM
Over_the_Moon
Broadway Legend Joined: 2/22/05
#12re: The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/5/05 at 6:10am
Two peanuts walked into a bar and one was asSALTed!
*rimshot*
"what have we learned? Don't smoke... don't do drugs and don't sing 'Defying Gravity'." -CATSNYRevival
#13re: The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/5/05 at 7:06am
An old man and a young boy walk into the woods at night. The young boy says, "I'm scared" and the old man replies, "You're scared, I've gotta walk outta here alone!"
:P
"... Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth.
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt. Still a little hard to say what's going on..." Damien Rice
wickedrentq
Broadway Legend Joined: 11/6/04
#14re: The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/5/05 at 7:24am
Said by my band teacher 2 years ago during rehearsal:
Guys, you notes are staccatto, you gotta play them really short--you know like Amanda(referring to my height)
I was not happy...
"If there was a Mount Rushmore for Broadway scores, "West Side Story" would be front and center. It snaps, it crackles it pops! It surges with a roar, its energy and sheer life undiminished by the years" - NYPost reviewer Elisabeth Vincentelli
#15re: The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/5/05 at 8:14amA horse walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says. "Hey buddy, why the long face?".
"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."
-- Author Unknown
#16re: The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/5/05 at 9:05am
What did the fish say when he hit the cement wall?
Dam!
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho!
Avatar - Isaac, my blue-fronted Amazon parrot. Adopted 9/7/07. Age 30 (my pet is older than me!)
#17re: The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/5/05 at 4:08pm
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Eskimo Christians
Eskimo Christians who?
Eskimo Christians I tell you no lies
#19re: The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/5/05 at 5:06pmWhat do you call a Mexican with one knee and one toe? Juanito!
"The stage is where I live and come alive and act out all the things that go on in my life. It's not just what I do for a living, it's my shrink and my love affair. No one in my life has ever or ever will kiss me on the mouth like this lover called my relationship with my performance."
gavrochegirl
Broadway Legend Joined: 4/16/05
#20re: The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/5/05 at 5:11pm
What's the Canadian version of In America called?
In America, Eh?
What the puck?!
#21re: The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/5/05 at 5:36pm
Two guys walk into a bar.
ouch
two guys walk into a bar
one ducks
for a REALLY bad joke....PM me....I don't want to offend anyone here on the boards
Was that a fat joke?
The Grovers Corners Yenta
Broadway Legend Joined: 8/3/04
#22re: The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/5/05 at 6:01pmKnock Knock...Who's there? Sam and JAnet. Sam and JAnet who? Sam and Janet evening,,,,,,,,you will meet a stranger.
"Friends are the people you chose as family."....Me.
Mr Roxy
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/17/03
#23re: The Bad Joke Thread
Posted: 7/5/05 at 7:33pm
Gary Gilmore last words at his execution trying to do a lame Henny Youngman impression:
Take My Life Please
Poster Emeritus
Marquise
Broadway Legend Joined: 6/1/04
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