NINE - I've kept my silence until now...

[Pgenre]

Posted: 12/30/09 at 11:10pm

As one of the most vocal proponents of the movie version of NINE based on the trailer, screenplay and soundtrack I have taken the horrendous reviews and miserable box office receipts in stride and have remained silent until I fully digested what I saw on screen. Until now.

10 letters to describe NINE: A grand mess.

A disaster of epic proportions.

A mise en scene of missed opportunity and much, much more...

Needless to say, I am absolutely shattered. I wanted this so much to be great, even good. It's nowhere near either.

1/4 of the movie works well and momentarily breaks the film from its meandering, nonsensical narrative: "Cinema Italiano" and "Unusual Way", and both are nearly destroyed by poor editing. The latter is actually eviscerated by the insanely stupid editing but somehow the emotion and tone of the performances salvaged it somehow, at least for me. "CI" has nothing to do with the film, as it is, but is such a breath of fresh air that in comparison to the rest of it somehow I found a way to forgive its myriad problems. I wish I could say the same for everything else, but I can't. I just can't.

"Guido's Song" and "A Call From The Vatican" are two of the worst musical numbers I have ever seen on screen. Poses and movement, not even choreography, and the rest of the songs so maddeningly and repetitiously intercut with dialogue and nonsense as to literally cut the b*lls off any shred of actual emotion or even drama so readily available in the material. Such disappointments, particularly since "Call" has been relatively well received.

"Be Italian" was a lamentable mess and I am baffled as to why people find something, anything, to like in it. It's a complete disaster... no choreography, really, just poses and movement, as seems to be Marshall's wont. Most of it is, indeed, directly lifted from "Mein Herr" and what isn't is a shambles and a sham. Fergie looks ludicrous, as do most of the women, with the exception of Kidman and Cruz. Hudson's weight fluxuated by 25 lbs or so over the course of her scenes.

The editing killed this more than anything, but if Marhsall is let anywhere near a musical after this it will have to be something so attuned to his style it would be the TRUE heir to CHICAGO, and not this... ::sigh::... piece of crap. KISS OF THE SPIDERWOMAN should be his swan song. I even question if I would want him to touch that after seeing this, even with it's oh-so-Marshall-esque conceit and style.

And why "Only With You" was cut from where it so obviously should fit in the scene where Carla leaves the "film meeting dinner" is another huge misstep, completely gutting Guido of any sympathy at the point at which the audience is screaming for it.

I give it a D+, and that's being kind.

And was I the only one that spotted nearly EVERY trick from CHICAGO and about 40 shots and entire scenes directly stolen from ALL THAT JAZZ? The scantily clad showgirl appearing with arms draped around the priest ala showgirl draped over Amos during "Razzle Dazzle"? Identical car follow-shot scenes and paparazzi shots lifted frame-by-frame CHICAGO? That absurd flash-bulb-shatterring montage stuffed into the film following "Cinema Italiano" for no apparent reason whatsoever, with no style or scene to justify its inclusion? "Folies Bergere" visually almost identical to "All I Care About" with not an ounce of the punch or pizazz or reason for being in this story at all?

I have so much more to say, but I won't. I can't.

God, I'm depressed.

A Good Nightmare Comes So Rarely,
P
Updated On: 1/2/10 at 11:10 PM

[ljay889]

Posted: 12/30/09 at 11:12pm

Are you and BK going to make up now?

[Pgenre]

Posted: 12/30/09 at 11:20pm

I love BK and hope he at least likes me at this point since we've gone back and forth on things for over 10 years now, the good and the bad.

At this point, I'm so depressed and misanthropic I'd expect anything to happen, the least of which to be BK and I going off into the sunset together.

P

P.S. After this massive disappointment I don't think I will be able to bring myself to shell out $140 for A VERY LITTLE NIGHT MUSIC. My heart (and soul) can't take another blow like this.

[LizzieCurry]

Posted: 12/30/09 at 11:23pm

teal deer

[AwesomeDanny]

Posted: 12/30/09 at 11:24pm

I, personally, loved the movie, and I strangely disagree with you about "Cinema Italiano" because I thought the editing was brilliant in that song, but we can agree to disagree. I also loved the editing and cinematography in the opening "la la la" song, and I'm wondering what you thought of that song.

[Mattbrain]

Posted: 12/30/09 at 11:26pm

Long story short, everything you hated about the movie was what I loved about the movie.

[bk]

Posted: 12/30/09 at 11:32pm

I wish you'd liked it better - I wish I'D liked it better. We actually seem to be on pretty similar ground if you go back and read my original post after I saw the screening.

As to Awesome Danny's thinking that Cinema Italiano is "brilliant" in its editing - I respectfully disagree - IMO, it's MTV crap - a number shot with eight or ten cameras and made in the editing room, although it wasn't made very well. You know, in days of old, directors actually took the time to DESIGN the filming of a musical number. These days musical numbers are shot the way they used to be on TV variety shows. Every shot in the Prologue of the West Side Story film is designed for FILM - that's brilliant, and the way every shot cuts into the next shot is DESIGNED and therefore breathtaking, natural, and, you know, a MOVIE. Same with the numbers in Singin' In The Rain. There are no arbitrary shots from eight cameras - one shot cuts to another to another, but each of those shots is a separate angle that has been thought out and carefully choreographed with the camera in mind. Moving one camera back and forth on a track, while eight other cameras do various zooms and crane pyrotechnics is not DESIGN.

[Pgenre]

Posted: 12/30/09 at 11:34pm

Really? Even the unbelieveably crappy CGI during "Folies Bergere" and the completely incoherent plot of the entire film?

P

P.S. I thought the ending was the worst part of the film and thought the first scene was unnecessary and confusing making the opening number seem like a contrived, overly "theatrical" afterthought that didn't even remotely work on film. It was even worse than "Seasons of Love" from RENT, somehow. And GOD was I sick of that blasted scaffolding by about 10 minutes into the film!

[Bettyboy72]

Posted: 12/30/09 at 11:41pm

fast cut editing is responsible for the death of dance sequences and the display of any technique or movement talent. any errors by non -dancers are edited out. its incredibly sad. the fast cut edits are in every video and film now. moulin rouge's edits were so frustrating in those huge production numbers. anyone who loves dancing is so let down by these edits.

even madonna and janet would do single camera videos and several hours of takes until they got the steps right and everyone was tight. that doesn't happen anymore. even dancers on tour with madonna say they are used to fudging with others and she is having none of that.

[Pgenre]

Posted: 12/30/09 at 11:44pm

Thanks, BK. Yes, I thought of you during "Be Italian" when Fergie did the standing-on-the-chair routine... Fosse would have laughed this off the screen and sued for plagiarism.

The whole movie was put together, and subsequently destroyed, in the editing room and that is apparent from almost every single (false) moment. It almost seems as if Marshall originally assembled a very different film and Weinstein made him stuff it full of every "trick" from CHICAGO as some last ditch attempt at making sense of this madness. I can only imagine what Marshall's cut was like, but it could not have been worse than this. The whole thing had a very "by committee" feel to it, severely over-edited to the point of mish-mash chaos.

How could anyone have given this a good review? No one wanted to like it more than me. I can't believe that Lewis, Dench or Kidman sat through this in a theater and thought it was anything more than trash, though I have heard none of them actually ever watch their films so maybe that will never happen. Good for them.

P

[TheatreFan4]

Posted: 12/30/09 at 11:48pm

Ouch P! Did you see it at the AMC on the parkway? If you did then it may have added to your general anger. That place is a sticky mess. LOL.

[spiderdj82]

Posted: 12/30/09 at 11:52pm

I thought the opening and closing of the film were the best parts of the movie.

[Pgenre]

Posted: 12/30/09 at 11:55pm

Only Regal, T4. ONLY. I learned my lesson at Loew's/AMC when I got into a fight with the house manager about their print of RENT not only being out-of-sync but completely misplaced on the screen, forcing its 2:35:1 aspect ratio into a 1:78:1 slot. Never again have I gone there, and it is MUCH more convenient as it is 10 minutes from my crib versus 25 to Regal. Seeing NINE at Loew's/AMC would have been the only thing to make it worse.

P

[allofmylife]

Posted: 12/30/09 at 11:56pm

Sadly, I must agree.

I will, however, remember the clever movie poster for some time to come. Guido walking away from that little car (so Italian) parked under a giant movie poster (again SOOO Italian cinema) and the poster is the poster for "Nine." A poster-in-a-photograph featuring the star of a movie-with-a-movie inside it is very clever, like a Fabrege Egg made for the Romanoffs (most of the survivors of 1918 having been holed up in Rome at the time the film is set) w. Clever. Catchy.

If the film was as good as its ad......

Updated On: 12/30/09 at 11:56 PM

[BrodyFosse123]

Posted: 12/30/09 at 11:56pm

I don't know... I guess I missed the memo but I LOVE the film enormously. From the first time I saw it at one of the press screenings (where I cried 3 times during the film -- yup, I was THAT moved) to this past weekend (okay... I now only cried at the ending). I've now seen the film a total of 5 times and I love it even more than the first time. I'm pleased with the few songs kept (and added). If I want to see either Broadway incarnation, I'll simply pop in a DVD of either one -- the film is its own delicious gem and I love every frame of it.

And yes... every single thing you've commented on is completely true AND yet I still LOVE the film.

[Pgenre]

Posted: 12/31/09 at 12:06am

Oh, I so wish I could be in that boat with you, Brody!

Anyone who read my 5000 word rave review of the soundtrack knows that I was set to love this and willing to make allowances for Marshall's vision. The problem is that Marshall HAS no vision, or if he did it is not apparent in any footage from the film.

I really hope there are some extended musical numbers on the DVD so I can see if he actually bothered to create numbers at all or if it truly is as slap-shot and editing-room-choreographed as it looks. I will be VERY interested to hear Marshall try to explain this one. I will be buying the DVD for "CI" and "Unusual Way" alone, alas.

And I thought RENT was as bad as it could get! Not that this is worse... but it's on that level. So disappointed.

P

[Mr Roxy]

Posted: 12/31/09 at 12:21am

Entertaining but it could have been oh so much better with a different director & script.

[gvendo2005]

Posted: 12/31/09 at 12:42am

So I take it the check bounced, P?

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 12/31/09 at 12:54am

I'm shocked anybody saw that trailer and couldn't tell it was going to be awful. And once everybody realized it was awful, I'm not surprised Roxy gave it his thumbs up.

[bk]

Posted: 12/31/09 at 1:01am

I doubt Rob's original cut was much different, other than at some point someone, whether he or Harvey and Bob, made him reshoot and/or change some of the musical numbers - I know this, because I was directing a staged reading in LA in June and we lost four of our dancers to the reshoots.

[Pgenre]

Posted: 12/31/09 at 1:07am

Fascinating, BK. Some of the shots/scenes STUNK of reshoot-itis, particularly obvious due to continuity errors amongst many other visible inconsistencies between shots, particularly most of "Take It All" and "Unusual Way". Whoever edited "Take It All" should be shot. Or forced to watch it over and over (no ending included, of course) forever. They couldn't even edit the line "right between your thighs" on the beat or with any visual punch (pun excluded)?

P

[Brick]

Posted: 12/31/09 at 5:15am

Yup. A mess. And I, too, really wanted to love it. It's boring and a mess.

[tazber]

Posted: 12/31/09 at 5:43am

I concur with P's assessment completely. And it is one of my favorite musicals which only makes it all the worse.

I had the same feeling about Sweeney.

I wish they would just stop making muisicals into movies unless they are viable commercial properties for adaptation.

The only stage to screen musical that has worked from this recent wave is Hairspray, imo.

[StageManager2]

Posted: 12/31/09 at 6:50am

I HATED 'HAIRSPRAY'!!!

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 12/31/09 at 7:03am

How was Daniel Day-Lewis?

I can't imagine him for that role.