An Open Letter from Dylan Farrow- Page 6

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 12:48am

I very much agree that the timing seems questionable. I honestly wouldn't put anything past Mia Farrow. The environment her children grew up in appeared to be a very odd one. I believe it was an interview with Oprah when she was asked how she first responded to discovering naked photographs of Soon-Yi in Woody's possessions. She replied that she stormed into Soon-Yi's room, slapped her across the face and asked, "What did you do?!" What mother would blame her daughter and not her lover of 10 years, first?

[bobs3]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 12:52am

Two very dysfunctional families and this should have been kept in the families and not played out in the press.

[NYadgal]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 5:06am

You have all articulated my thoughts far more eloquently than I was able to.

Eris, Namo, PJ, JG2 - thank you.

[MrMidwest]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 10:22am

A lot of the usual misinformation was repeated this morning in the Morning Joe segment about Dylan's letter.

[Jane2]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 10:29am

I don't see any resolution coming out of this. It'll simmer down (simmadownah), Woody will keep receiving nominations and the Farrows will be Farrows.

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 10:59am

"What mother would blame her daughter and not her lover of 10 years, first?"

Too many, I'm afraid.

[songanddanceman2]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 11:10am

I have to say I am a little shocked that so many are willing to dismiss her allegations. I don't see it as 'oh Allen is having a great year so let's get him' I see that it COULD be a family who are sick of seeing him get honoured, it's a smack in the face. Also all this bloody talk of the witch hunts in the 80s, yes it was shocking, yes it opened a can of worms but it was also one moment in time, that does not mean that all allegations should be questioned with that argument. Now I am not saying she is telling the truth or lying, but Im shocked as to how many in a 'roundabout' way or willing to dismiss her allegations because of her mother. As mentioned when these allegations first came up he was not simply cleared, a lot of question marks were still in place.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 11:11am

And Mia slapped her across the face. I'm sure that sort of thing really contributes to the function and stability of a family.

[Kad]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 12:27pm

I don't see anyone dismissing her comments.

But I am unwilling to label Allen as a child molester based solely on Dylan's account. There is a good amount of other evidence involved to create reasonable doubt.

[ErikJ972]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 12:35pm

The victim getting blamed by family happens frequently in cases like this. So Mia's reaction, while pretty awful, doesn't surprise me.
The pain and anger in that letter sounds pretty authentic. I have a hard time not believing it.

[ErikJ972]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 12:35pm

The victim getting blamed by family happens frequently in cases like this. So Mia's reaction, while pretty awful, doesn't surprise me.
The pain and anger in that letter sounds pretty authentic. I have a hard time not believing it.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 1:32pm

Because the pain and anger in a letter "sounds authentic"? The pain and anger being real do not necessarily make the accusations true.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 2:52pm

I actually find her letter highly manipulative.

[DAME]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 2:54pm

Very. It screamed of manipulation.

[Jane2]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 3:00pm

I was thinking the same thing. Almost like a professional wrote it.

[Sutton Ross]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 3:05pm

The timing is also very convenient since Ronan Farrow's MSNBC show is starting in a few weeks. I think Mia was so burned by the betrayal, she told her daughter that he had done those terrible things. It makes sense, given the timing. I also don't think Dylan needed to call out celebrities and involve them in a very private, family matter.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 3:21pm

Well, we can't ever really know what happened. But my even thinking that shows that SOMEBODY "wins" when one party posits the "Do you still beat your wife?" questions in a public forum.

[Eris0303]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 3:25pm

"What mother would blame her daughter and not her lover of 10 years, first?"

Too many, I'm afraid.

Quite true

[SonofRobbieJ]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 3:34pm

A bunch of years ago, I saw a one-woman show of a woman whom I didn't know. It turned out to be Lauren Weedman, who is stellar on LOOKING. She recounted the time in college when she made up the fact that she was raped. She said it to make a friend feel bad about something, and it was overheard and then spread. She couldn't walk it back...she just stuck with it. She ended up meeting with a rape survivor and finally admitted to the survivor that she had never, in fact, been raped. I'll never forget the response of the survivor (as told by Weedman): Yes, you were. You raped yourself.

I'm not saying that's what happened here, of course. But if the pain is real, it may be real for a very different reason than we're being given. Who can say? I have no idea. But I remember having an amazingly close friend in college make up the fact she was raped. It destroyed her...and really ****ed me and my best friend up for quite a while. But after the anger, I felt nothing buy empathy for someone so disturbed in life.

[finebydesign]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 3:41pm

And that was disgusting. Nothing like re-victimizing the victim.

[Jane2]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 3:48pm

No one here knows if she was a victim or not

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 3:52pm

The incest taboo was alway so completely not spoken about in contemporary culture, the very thought of it was so unbelievable to most sane people, that it was almost impossible to believe when survivors were brave enough to speak about it. But there were seismic changes during the second wave of feminism and the growth of the feminist self-help model.

Along with the changes there were pitfalls too. "The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse" was released in 1988 and it was a publishing landmark. However, it was also fraught with information that, in hindsight, created a disturbing dynamic in the discourse of sexual abuse survival. Most alarmingly, the text informed readers, "If you think you might have been sexually abused, you probably were."

Now, who was it that arrived at that conclusion? Here's the Wikipedia description of the authors of the book:
"The Courage to Heal" is written by Ellen Bass, a poet and creative writing teacher and her student Laura Davis, an author, writing teacher and incest survivor.

The danger of making grand statements based on anecdotal evidence was probably not at the forefront of thought for this poet/teacher and her student. And yet, "you probably were" helped usher in a cottage industry of recovery and recovered memories. It took decades for real scientific research to disprove what was taken at face value by many people involved in the recovery industry: that recovered memories are bunk.

But the template was established, and it is still very tricky ground to talk about. Someone above dismissed the issue as taking place in "one moment in time" but the Courage to Heal had a sequel workbook published and a 20th anniversary edition published. So, the one moment in time has proven to be quite lengthy.

Updated On: 2/3/14 at 03:52 PM

[Reginald Tresilian]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 4:11pm

I once had a conversation with an ex, a partner with whom I'd lived for a number of years. We had (eventually) remained friends, and he was telling me that he'd been discussing with his therapist the most painful moment in our relationship. When he finished I was flabbergasted and told him that the event he described had never occurred. He was equally flabbergasted until I explained that he had taken two completely separate events (and yes, they were of a sexual nature), woven them together, and made me the villain of the story. They were each actually fairly neutral incidents--nobody did anything bad to anybody--but in his version they formed a sinister narrative.

And after a moment, he said "Oh my god--you're right! I've been carrying around that hurt and anger for years."

His hurt and anger were obviously real--and obviously there were things in our relationship that had hurt him, just as there were things that had hurt me. But the key event in his narrative had simply never happened.

Updated On: 2/3/14 at 04:11 PM

[finebydesign]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 4:14pm

"No one here knows if she was a victim or not"

Right, because this group has decided (for some reason) the veracity of her statements should be questioned, and she is solely relying on recovered memories.

[Reginald Tresilian]

Posted: 2/3/14 at 4:18pm

I don't get that this group has decided anything. I see over and over people saying "we can never know what happened."

At the time the accusations were made, a panel of psychologists, appointed by prosecutors and the police, concluded that Dylan had not been molested. Of course, that doesn't mean they were right. But that's the source of the doubt that's being expressed.

At any rate, that's the source of my doubt.