Can you believe you're going to die?

[Luscious]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 12:18am

I mean, intellectually, we all know we're going to die one day. Everyone and everything does. But can you actually wrap your head around the fact that one day you're not going to exist? That you're not going to be here, or, possibly, ANYWHERE? I've always been somewhat preoccupied with the subject of death, but as I grow older, and find myself with more years behind me than ahead, I find it occupying more and more of thoughts and time. Not to the point of obsession - at least not yet - but it truly is a daunting concept that I find difficult to come to terms with and embrace. I'm not a religious person, so I don't have that faith-based mentality to fall back on, which I'm sure is comforting to those who do. And I know that there's absolutely nothing I can do about it, so why not forget about it and just try to "live" and enjoy everyday of the life I have to its fullest? And I try to do just that. But sometimes, especially late at night, the demons come out to play, and my mind wanders and wonders and worries, and it really starts to freak me out!

[SNAFU]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 12:48am

I merely look at it as; I will will will return to where I was for the eternity before I was born, remember that?

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 1:03am

I was afraid of death until I stopped having faith. I was raised Catholic, and even though I had shed the religion when I was a teenager, the belief that there was some sort of god persisted until my early 30s or so. I lived in the deep south when I was in early elementary school, and the Catholic church there had a distinctly Southern fire and brimstone flavor to it. Hell always seemed literal and terrifying, and I was always afraid I was headed for it. The gay stuff made it more stressful. Even when I stopped being Catholic and was just "spiritual" I'd occasionally have a sleepless night where I wondered what would happen if the followers of the God of Abraham were right along? What if the gay sex WAS going to condemn to the fires of Gehenna for all eternity? But when my belief in anything god-like vanished for good, so did my fear of hell, and by extension, my fear of death.

I was so glad I was solidly atheist when I had cancer. Chemo was bad enough; if I'd still had any fears that hell was waiting for me when I died, I don't know how I would have made it through. As it was, I really made my peace with my mortality when I was sick. Now that I'm better I certainly don't want to die, but I still kind of feel like I'd be okay with going at any time. I always hope it doesn't happen when I'm in the middle of binge-watching a show or reading a good book, though.

[SNAFU]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 1:30am

My belief is we are all going to die. None knows what will happen after we expire. Plain fact! Great Minds; Artists, Religous figures have all taken the same journey. Accept it and just live your life, in the here and now ,to it's fullest! Be good, cause no pain to others, and enjoy the moment to moment pleasures, help others to enjoy theirs (PM me for phone number, LOL!). Live life without regrets and you will be fine.

[Luscious]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 1:46am

@SNAFU: No. I don't remember that. If I did, I imagine it would be a lot easier to accept.

@Namo: LOL!

But all kidding aside, I've often wondered how people who have been lucky enough to live into their 80s and 90s, or those unlucky enough to have been diagnosed with a terminal illness, feel about the fact that the number of days they have left are so limited. I mean, generally speaking, I'm sure they appreciate and savor each and every day a good deal more than someone, say, in their 20s or 30s. And I know that no one really knows how much time they've got or when their number is up, and that any one of us can go at any time, in the blink of an eye. But how does someone faced with their impending and imminent mortality handle it? I imagine that one's religious beliefs play a large part for many in making the concept more palpable and easier to accept. And, no doubt, one of religion's biggest selling points. Yet, even though most religions instill in their followers the notion that the afterlife is something glorious and rewarding, even the most ardent believer doesn't appear to be in any hurry to find out for sure, first-hand.

ETA: Phyllis...I started typing my above post before reading yours. Very interesting perspective. The concept of Hell never really fazed me. I was raised in a religious household, but started questioning at an early age everything I was being fed. It just didn't add up for me. So by the time I was around 12 or 13, I had pretty much abandoned the religious doctrine that had been drummed into my head. It isn't Hell that scares me - it's the idea of complete and total nothingness. Unconsciousness. Non-existence. I just can't wrap my head around it. Maybe what it all comes down to is my not wanting to miss out on anything. :)

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 1:10pm

I have no problem with the idea of my own death. It's dealing with the death of loved ones that's hard. And though I don't mean it as vain as it sounds, the thought of the mourning of those who love me saddens me more than the thought of my life ending.

But all kidding aside, I've often wondered how people who have been lucky enough to live into their 80s and 90s, or those unlucky enough to have been diagnosed with a terminal illness, feel about the fact that the number of days they have left are so limited.

First of all, I know very few people who had an enjoyable life in their 80s or 90s, so I don't know how "lucky" it is to live that long. Especially with the likelihood of the massive increase in poverty levels of seniors in the next couple of generations.

Second, when my dad suspected his cancer was terminal, he had the "death talk" with me and he seemed very much at peace with it. Like my thoughts above, I think he was far more concerned about us than he was about himself.

[madbrian]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 1:35pm

I am perfectly fine with my own mortality. However, since my wife is disabled I do have concerns about my family's finances should my life end sooner rather than later. But with only 2.5 more years of college tuition to pay for (9.5 years done), things aren't so bad. At 27, 23, and 19, my daughters are all grown, and I am beyond proud of the job we've done as parents. While I have no idea how many more days I have ahead of me, but I do know that I don't want to live one day beyond the point where I am enjoying life. I will never become a burden to my family, either financially or medically. I've tended to a mother suffering from dementia, and I would not want to live through that, or have my family watch me.

[Addison D.]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 1:54pm

My mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died--right on schedule--8 months later.

I've always felt we were lucky--enough certainty about the timing and the outcome to REALLY get our attention, but enough time to be Present and do some cherishing.

On one occasion, I expressed dread about not having her around and she said "How do you know I'm going to die first? You could get hit by a bus on your way home."

There are no rules or guarantees beyond the certainty of death.

As Elizabeth Kubler Ross said:

"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on Earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up, we will then begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.

[SonofRobbieJ]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 1:54pm

'I have no problem with the idea of my own death. It's dealing with the death of loved ones that's hard.'

For me, it wasn't until I had to deal with the death of the person closest to me that I could actually accept my own mortality. I mean...don't get me wrong. I'm having a great time here and I don't want to leave the party yet, but I'm not afraid to die anymore. Though it was a horrible experience, helping someone transition to whatever comes next had a beauty all its own.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 2:08pm

"Be good, cause no pain to others, and enjoy the moment to moment pleasures, help others to enjoy theirs (PM me for phone number, LOL!)."

I'm gonna get this printed up on business cards.

[NYadgal]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 2:51pm

I'm having a great time here and I don't want to leave the party yet, but I'm not afraid to die anymore. Though it was a horrible experience, helping someone transition to whatever comes next had a beauty all its own.

Amen.

[Mr Roxy]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 2:52pm

In the words of Woody Allen:

"Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down"

Nothing you can do about it.

[NYadgal]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 3:02pm

Well, you CAN make healthy life choices.
And fight to live in the face of illness.

And you can cherish the moments that make up our days.

But, no, in the end, it's inevitable.

However, I don't ever plan on slowing down.

[GoSmileLaughCryClap]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 3:39pm

In my mid 30s I had a massive heart attack. I flat lined twice, and was "away" for a couple of minutes. I call it my Cardiovascular Adventure. I was at our 2nd home, and the small hospital didn't even have a real cardiology department. After the first day I was helicoptered up to Pennsylvania Hospital where I stayed for a couple of weeks.

I'm fine now, which is sort of a miracle. I take good care of myself.

But what that experience did was to eradicate any fear of death I might have held. I've lost family and friends since that experience, and though I fully felt the loss of not having loved ones around any more, I didn't grieve. Not the way my family and friends grieved.

My personal experience has left me with a somewhat fatalistic attitude about mortality. I fully expect to live many more great years, but in fact I died once, and as it didn't cause any sensation other than warmth and peace, I don't even think about it any more.

Updated On: 8/6/14 at 03:39 PM

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 3:46pm

When I think of my own death I remember the Robert La Fosse quote...“Death is harder on those who are left behind.” I'm not afraid of death because as in birth I have no choice but to allow it to happen. I worry about the ones I leave behind.

[D2]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 3:50pm

Don't worry about me, Boobs, because I have a feeling I'm going to follow you quite quickly, at the hands of the same person who killed you.

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 4:05pm

Deet, she couldn't survive in jail and so she'd follow us. Thank God we're going to a different place than she will be.

[dramamama611]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 4:40pm

I just hope that I will have made a difference to someone, in some way.

[Mr Roxy]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 5:59pm

I laugh when I see health food nuts or those who jog and exercise until there's no tomorrow. I am thinking to myself no matter what you do you are gonna die and all the jogging in the world will not make you able to cheat death.


I had 2 cancers and it nothing to do with lack of jogging or not eating pieces of cardboard. My mom had cancer and one sister died of cancer so it is in my family genes.

Updated On: 8/6/14 at 05:59 PM

[Sutton Ross]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 6:08pm

It's a fact that being in shape and exercising consistently does help quality of life and can prolong it. Ever see an obese 90 year old? Me neither.

[dramamama611]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 7:28pm

I doubt that they are looking for immortality. Some people actually LIKE to exercise. And feel like crap when they don't.

Today is my "rest" day. As always, I feel edgy and tired.

[sabrelady]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 7:57pm

After working in oncology for 30+ years i've had lots of opportunity to think about this kinda stuff.
Most of the time ( hopefully) it's a drifting away before the light fully dims & goes out. I kinda suspect going under general anaesthesia is the closest thing to compare other than a near death experience. ( no so sure about that tho)
Consciousness then- nothing- no ME just nothing.
I have no real fear of death itself- pain yes HUGELY, but a "good" death with a chance to say goodbye, thank you and a quiet quick exit. .... to G*d's ears.
After that....

I guy i knew was a member of Eckankar- on his behalf i asked my (then) 3 yr old niece if she knew where she was before she was born- She was not confused by the question answering" oh yes". When I asked "where was that?" she turned to me in all seriousness and said- "somewhere else". so...

(Eckankar believes in a buncha stuff like reincarnation and living on ether so a grain of salt - the child has to be very young if u ask this kinda stuff, old enuf to speak but still young enuf 2 remember a "before")

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 8/6/14 at 11:25pm

"I laugh when I see health food nuts or those who jog and exercise until there's no tomorrow."

Somebody remind Roxy that a lot of them haven't had to have their prostates and chunks of their colons removed like he has.

[Mr Roxy]

Posted: 8/7/14 at 4:46pm

People jogging on cement do irreparable damage to their knees and joints. They take a pounding each time your foot hits the pavement.

The same way people with I pods etc who constantly have earbuds in their eard and have it so loud you can hear it will have hearing problems later in life.

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 8/7/14 at 4:55pm

If only they could invent some kind of exercise other than jogging! I know it's a dream, but maybe some day.