My Rachel story has really been with me a lot this week, so I wanted to share it, though it's an Addy story, too. The second time I got to meet Rachel was at a party at D2's house. I had some pretty serious social anxiety back then, so even getting there was a task. I was sitting on the living room floor. I don't know how it happened, but the topic of conversation turned to coming out or parents or something and I shared how my parents were very non-supportive (at the time.) I spoke about the fact that my mom basically told me I was not gay, it was just me trying to "belong" somewhere and that we would just not discuss it again. (My father refused to discuss it at all.) I had never really thought about it being a particularly bad reaction. It just was what it was, I suppose. When I looked at Rachel and NYadgal, they both wore a look of total compassion and empathy. I believe it was Addy who said she was so sorry that my mom had reacted that way and Rachel said something about a mother's love extending beyond what may be expected. I wish I could remember the exact words, but they weren't the important part. The support and acceptance behind them was what hit me.
Their combined reaction to my story meant more to me than I can ever put into words. My mom is 56, so she was near Rachel's age. To have a straight woman from my mom's generation, someone I barely knew, react to me in such a kindness and compassion touched me. I knew both of these women were very special. It was just a moment, but I am very very thankful for it. I have a lot of self-esteem issues and have to deal with a lot of feeling unworthy. That moment is one of memories I keep in my back pocket for when I need to remember that I am worthy.
Pretty pretty please don't you ever ever feel like you're less than
f**ckin' perfect!
Updated On: 6/12/12 at 06:01 AM