Favorite Sondheim one-liners?

[morosco]

Posted: 12/12/21 at 11:52pm

She's tall enough to be your mother.

[CindersGolightly]

Posted: 12/13/21 at 12:24am

Don't know if it qualifies as a one-liner per say, but Beth's "Oh god is there dancing, cuz I'm not a dancer!" line in Opening Doors is always a delight to hear, especially when delivered by Betsy Wolfe.

[NameGreg]

Posted: 12/13/21 at 2:06am

“The closest I ever gave”

[benfox2]

Posted: 12/13/21 at 2:42am

"Watching little things grow"

[NOWaWarning]

Posted: 12/13/21 at 4:23am

“Isn’t that alarming? What is she? A bird?” Night Music is full of ‘em!

[bwayobsessed]

Posted: 12/13/21 at 6:18am

I feel like

”poppin p**sies into pies”

and

”it justifies the beans” 

 

both deserve a spot on this list

Updated On: 12/19/21 at 06:18 AM

[cmorrow]

Posted: 12/13/21 at 6:36am

Not sure if this counts, but it's a one-line note Sondheim sent to friends:

“Dear Peter and Mary, Just a note to thank you for the wine, which arrived on the day that my doctor told me my triglyceride count was higher than ever. Love, Steve.”

[saxpower]

Posted: 12/13/21 at 10:07am

From "Into the Woods"  (Jack's mother explaining why the cow must be sold) "Her withers wither with her" 

[Melissa25]

Posted: 12/13/21 at 10:52am

Implacable as stone

[Alex Kulak2]

Posted: 12/13/21 at 11:09am

Not from one of his shows, but from his interview with Adam Guettel.

Guettel: Your poodles have very topiary tails.

Sondheim: Well, they're topiary dogs. That's what poodles do for a living.

[CoercedBull]

Posted: 12/13/21 at 12:01pm

"She says, I'm perfect, she swears"

"You're perfect, godd*mn it"

It took me SEVERAL listens to understand just how funny and genius that lyric is, and it remains among my favorite lines he ever wrote.

[uncageg]

Posted: 12/13/21 at 12:16pm

"I sort of hate to ask it, but do you have a basket"?

[Nolan LuPone]

Posted: 12/13/21 at 12:40pm

"Is that just revolting? All greasy and gritty? It looks like it's molting! And tastes like...well pity."

Or

"I prefer general." "With or without his privates?"

[Robbie2]

Posted: 12/13/21 at 1:05pm

"There's a hole in the world like a great black pit and it's filled with people who are filled with **** and the vermin of the world inhabit it."

 

[EDSOSLO858]

Posted: 12/13/21 at 3:32pm

Nolan LuPone said: "I prefer general." "With or without his privates?""

“A Little Priest” never fails to crack me up every single time. 

[christinelavin]

Posted: 12/13/21 at 4:03pm

"Every show must have a surprise."

[binau]

Posted: 12/13/21 at 6:08pm

I mean he kneads me. I mean like dough George.