Portia: I Chose to Walk Away From Violence

The actor Portia has published a detailed essay chronicling her experiences working on the recent play I'm Revolting, which led her to leave the production after the first week of previews. She claims that the production knowingly employed a special effect (the use of fog in a specific scene) after she informed the company management that it would trigger her severe asthma, and that they did so before she was able to secure a rescue inhaler.

Some excerpts:

Once the fog was employed during the matinee, I developed a cough which worsened as the show went on. Between scenes, I stood by the exit door coughing so as not to be heard on stage. I suppressed the urge to cough during scenes by constantly clearing my throat and pushed through the show. After the curtain call, I exited the stage and sat in a chair coughing uncontrollably as my chest tightened. When asked if I was okay, I shook my head no and stated that I needed to get a treatment. Had it not been for the actions of two members of the cast, Gabby and Alicia (both Black), I am not so sure I would be here. The cough worsened and my breathing became more shallow. My request for assistance from stage management was met with confusion and chaos. I continued to ask for 911, Alicia continued to ask for 911, and Gabby filled out the report. The two of them tried to keep me upright so that my lungs were as open as possible. There was no sense of urgency or agency on the part of stage management as I leaned with my forehead against a wall, trying to stay calm as each breath became more difficult and the wheezing more audible. The effect this event had on the three of us will never be forgotten.

...

The show continued on Sept. 13th without anyone addressing the events that transpired. I went on, despite feeling unsafe and dehumanized in my workplace. On Sept. 14th, there was a meeting with the cast, crew, and some artistic staff members facilitated by a cultural consultant. During that meeting, I listened to the confessions of those who chose to ignore my health condition. I heard about the flippant remarks that were made during production meetings and the entitlement that allowed them to dismiss me. I sat through apologies of not being taken seriously when sitting backstage coughing and having difficulty breathing. AN ACT OF VIOLENCE It was during this meeting that I was asked what I needed in order to feel safe. I requested to be released from my contract. The artistic director was relentless in trying to persuade me to stay. At the behest of the cultural consultant, he was asked to stop and honor my wishes. Shows were cancelled and I was met with an onslaught of phone calls and text messages from the artistic director in order to convince me to change my mind in spite of my initial ask. Many of these calls were after hours, at least one call came in at 11pm.

...

The topic of race was brought up time and time again without being addressed. It wasn’t until it was put on the table by a white actor, who asked the director and playwright if we could talk about it openly, that a brief conversation was had. After the Black actors shared that the rehearsal room had not felt safe enough to have that discussion, a request to bring in a cultural consultant was made and action taken. The three Black actors in the production later received an email from the artistic director asking us who we thought would be a good choice for this position and where to look, singling us out as if we were the only ones who had an issue or need. As things worsened, I continued to ask, and our Equity deputy continued to seek ways to enlist someone to come in. I reached out within my community to get someone in before the show was locked. Being in a predominately white room and being asked to then report issues of dismissal, erasure and aggressions to a white EDI officer on staff in a mostly white organization seemed pointless when the experience of one Black actor was used to invalidate the experience of the others.

Link to full essay: https://medium.com/@lportiaj/i-chose-to-walk-away-from-violence-2c9bbe017b93

Updated On: 10/23/22 at 08:51 AM

Wouldn't someone with severe asthma have a rescue inhaler on hand at all times?

What ingredients are used in the fog effect that could trigger an asthma attack? I’ve always assumed that stuff was relatively safe.

Impeach2017 said: "Wouldn't someone with severe asthma have a rescue inhaler on hand at all times?"

To be fair, Im asthmatic but very rarely, if ever, have symptoms; I dont have a rescue inhaler on me at all times.

But alot of this doesn't make much sense. Getting a rescue inhaler should take a few hours if prescribed, maybe max one day? If they were aware of the issue, and were holding off on the fog for any number of days, how could they suddenly start it up again without notice to her?

Regardless, its hard to decipher what happened given the repeated efforts to turn the Atlantic Theater Company and Knud Adams into a bunch of uncaring racists.

To my knowledge there are no harmful chemicals and it’s mostly just air? At least nowadays. Like an intense humidifier? But I could very well be wrong.


This whole industry is going to implode itself. I was just reading the fiasco that happened at the Victory Gardens in Chicago.

Her story went on line Oct 19.

It's taken days for theater people to notice it.

That's not a good sign.

SouthernCakes said: "To my knowledge there are no harmful chemicals and it’s mostly just air? At least nowadays. Like an intense humidifier? But I could very well be wrong."

You're wrong.

It's possible she already told of the problem and they ignored her. But the fact is once it was clear there was a problem involving her health Atlantic had but two choices: remove or replace the fog system or replace her.

Impeach2017 said: "Wouldn't someone with severe asthma have a rescue inhaler on hand at all times?"

Oh, I can weigh in on this! Like PipingHotPiccolo said, everyone's asthma is different, so I can only speak to mine:

I have a daily inhaler, and a rescue inhaler. So knowing what my asthma triggers are, those are the times when I have my rescue inhaler on me. It's not like being allergic to bee stings, I'm not going to suddenly find myself surrounded by my asthma triggers with no notice. But for example one of my triggers is exercise, so when i go to yoga or spin or what have you, my rescue inhaler is always in arm's reach. But my daily meds and daily inhaler keep 99% of my asthma in check; the rescue inhaler is for just in case.

Also, rescue inhalers are not meant to be used often/all the time. If I ever have to use mine more than twice in one week I'm supposed to visit my doctor, as it means that something in my daily upkeep has stopped working. So I'm shocked that Atlantic Theater thought that this was acceptable?

Fosse76 said: "SouthernCakes said: "To my knowledge there are no harmful chemicals and it’s mostly just air? At least nowadays. Like an intense humidifier? But I could very well be wrong."

You're wrong."

Never said I was right. But thanks for your thoughtful explanation.

Kad said: "While I do think that a performer with such a severe reaction toward such a standard and common theatrical effect probably should make it known immediately upon casting, at the same time, to my knowledge, productions also don’t typically check with actors regarding such health issues. Considering the amount of potential triggers for health conditions in theatre, it would seem like a common sense standard practice."

That is the type of thing for an agent to be proactive about in negotiation. In the way that certain actors demand a wig, car service, certain dressing room accommodations, etc. It’s a challenge at a nonprofit if everyone is favored nations, but this is why actors have agents: to advocate on their behalf.

Oftentimes stage management will seek out info ahead of the first rehearsal for non-contractual “good to know” things. I.E. if an actor has certain allergies to food or costume materials.

This seems awful, but to make it a racial thing - as pointed out by her in her essay - seems...misguided?

RippedMan said: "This seems awful, but to make it a racial thing - as pointed out by her in her essay - seems...misguided?"

There’s a very long history of doctors not listening to women, and more specifically Black women, so it’s not as much of a stretch as you might think.


‘You are not listening to me': Black women on pain and implicit bias in medicine

“[Black women] are caught between being considered impervious to pain because of their race, and overly hystericalabout pain because of their gender.”