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Posted: 2/16/25 at 1:00pm
There used to be an absolutely wonderfully written takedown of Perfect Crime on Yelp, but it's since either been removed or buried by the sea of other bad reviews and obvious shills for that show.
Posted: 2/16/25 at 12:51pm
A favorite of mine has always been Roma Torre's On Stage review of DEAD ACCOUNTS. I cannot find it in writing but I recall rewinding it several times to hear her say "... and Norbert Leo Butz single-handed kept me from hurling my Playbill at the stage."
I've also always loved that the producers of Cyrano used the pull quote on the theater "Daniel Sunjata is unusually affecting" Always sounded like a backhanded compliment to me.
Posted: 2/16/25 at 11:48am
Special mention must be made of Adam Feldman's pan of Wonderland in Time Out NY, which he wrote as a parody of Lewis Carroll's "Jabberwocky," complete with rhyming verse.
Posted: 2/16/25 at 9:39am
Then of course there is John Simon, who stands out as of the most vile critics ever, but when he was on, he was funny. He was racist, homophobic and never bothered to hide that fact.
Here is his review for "Aida".
Aida review by John Simon
Posted: 2/16/25 at 9:18am
Esther Blodgett said: "I think it was the early 70s and a revue opened Off-Broadway titled "Smile, Smile, Smile". Clive Barnes', writing in the Times, entire review was "I didn't. I didn't, I didn't."
The show closed in a week."
Thanks for this, I had always (inaccurately) heard the show title was "Laugh, Laugh, Laugh" but with the same brutal take by Barnes. The show opened April 4, 1973, and the review, in its entirety, read:
"A very hard‐working and rather talented cast (see listing) last night brought “a musical entertainment” by Hugo Peretti, Luigi Creatore and George David Weiss to the Eastside Playhouse.
It was called “Smile, Smile, Smile.” I didn't, I didn't, I didn't."
https://www.nytimes.com/1973/04/05/archives/theater-entertainment-smile-smile-smile-at-eastside-playhouse.html?unlocked_article_code=1.xU4.nimV.__Q7mkhZnU0F&smid=url-share
Bit of theater trivia: Gary Beach was listed as one of the actors.
Posted: 2/15/25 at 7:39pm
I remember reading the Brantley LITTLE MERMAID review outloud to friends.
Posted: 2/13/25 at 6:41pm
I can't find it now, so this isn't word-for-word accurate, but I remember the 2006 Threepenny Opera revival got a review that started "By the end of this production, your eyes will hurt, your ears will hurt, and, with its 3-hour runtime, your a** will hurt."
And as someone who saw that disaster, I can confirm they were correct on all 3 counts.....
Posted: 2/13/25 at 4:09pm
Gene Shalit: "The Little Prince is a big dog." I can't remember if that was the entire review or just the opening line, but it broke up everyone else in the newsroom with him.
(He was reviewing the film and not the later Broadway musical.)
Posted: 2/13/25 at 4:00pm
Cannot remember the show or the reviewer, but they wrote “this show has done wonders with my sex life, I ended up sleeping with the whole audience.”
Posted: 2/13/25 at 2:49pm
An unlocked link to the to my all-time favorite NY Times pan of an obscure Off-Broadway anti-evolution musical:
Darwinian Monkeyshines Much Sung and Danced (Unlocked Gift Link)
Favorite line?
As an actress, choreographer and dancer, Ms. Collins has great hair.
Posted: 2/13/25 at 12:12pm
Lestat:
Ben Brantley, The New York Times: A promising new contender has arrived in a crowded pharmaceutical field. Joining the ranks of Ambien, Lunesta, Sonata and other prescription lullaby drugs is “Lestat,” the musical sleeping pill that opened last night at the Palace Theater. Dare to look upon “Lestat” and keep your eyelids from growing heavier and heavier.
Posted: 2/11/25 at 2:54pm
Huss417 said: "
One of the best reviews ever wasn't for a show but for a restaurant that happened to be in Times Square.
Pete Wells of the NY Times reviewing Guy Fieri's restaurant in 2012. It is a long read but you won't be disappointed.
https://www.reddit.com/r/MurderedByWords/comments/7rxm8r/pete_wells_review_of_guy_fieris_restaurant_in/"
Totally remember this review! I had just been there for a pre-opening night event where they had the whole menu out to try. The review was so on target!
Posted: 2/11/25 at 1:55pm
Search for any of the scathing reviews of Suzanne Somers' one-woman show, The Blonde in the Thunderbird. Being trapped watching this travesty of supposed theater, I can state that those critics were generous.
Posted: 2/11/25 at 12:51pm
My favorite part of the NYT "Good Vibrations" review:
"Since the performers really aren't to blame for the aimlessness of "Good Vibrations," I won't mention any of their names, though there are a few who make you feel that smiling should be outlawed for a while"
I also recall a NYT review around the same time that said the only people in the audience would be casting directors looking for talent since the show shouldn't run too long.
Posted: 2/11/25 at 11:28am
This is a CLASSIC!
Huss417 said: "
One of the best reviews ever wasn't for a show but for a restaurant that happened to be in Times Square.
Pete Wells of the NY Times reviewing Guy Fieri's restaurant in 2012. It is a long read but you won't be disappointed.
https://www.reddit.com/r/MurderedByWords/comments/7rxm8r/pete_wells_review_of_guy_fieris_restaurant_in/"
Posted: 2/11/25 at 10:26am
One of the best reviews ever wasn't for a show but for a restaurant that happened to be in Times Square.
Pete Wells of the NY Times reviewing Guy Fieri's restaurant in 2012. It is a long read but you won't be disappointed.
https://www.reddit.com/r/MurderedByWords/comments/7rxm8r/pete_wells_review_of_guy_fieris_restaurant_in/
Updated On: 2/11/25 at 10:26 AM
Posted: 2/11/25 at 9:58am
Not a play or musical, but when Andy Worhol's film "Bike Bos" started showing at the Hudson Theatre, the NYT's Howard Thompson noted "[Bike Boy] opened yesterday at the Hudson Theater. It belongs in the Hudson River."
Ouch.
Posted: 2/11/25 at 1:01am
There's a collection of them here: https://www.famousinsults.com/funny-theatre-quotes-quips-and-insults/
Posted: 10/21/19 at 11:00pm
The Atlantic has a page that is a collection of the poor reviews of Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark:
https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2011/02/spider-man-musical-inspires-scathing-reviews/342327/
There's also this collection of reviews of various shows over the years:
https://theatrenerds.com/12-times-critics-were-absolutely-savage-not-necessarily-wrong/
Updated On: 10/21/19 at 11:00 PM
Posted: 10/21/19 at 1:04pm
That one review of Gettin' The Band Back Together that called the score "Broadway Nickelback". Nickelback doesn't deserve disrespect like that.
Posted: 10/21/19 at 12:24pm
I think a lot of that has to do with whether or not you agree with the writer! 
Posted: 10/21/19 at 10:39am
I think it was the early 70s and a revue opened Off-Broadway titled "Smile, Smile, Smile". Clive Barnes', writing in the Times, entire review was "I didn't. I didn't, I didn't."
The show closed in a week.
Posted: 10/20/19 at 10:44pm
I used to own this book, No Turn Unstoned, a bunch of vicious reviews compiled by Diana Rigg, but I lost it in some move. Might be worth ordering if you want a collection of them.
https://www.amazon.com/No-Turn-Unstoned-Theatrical-Reviews/dp/0385188625/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=no+turn+unstoned&qid=1571625097&sr=8-1
Updated On: 10/20/19 at 10:44 PM
Posted: 10/20/19 at 10:42pm
Posted: 10/20/19 at 10:29pm
AADA81 said: "I remember reading, about 20 years ago, about an early-70's musical called 'Up'. Supposedly, one of the opening night reviews for 'Up' was one word: Down. There was no reference to that in the article and the story may be apocryphal but here's a good one: It playedat the newly opened Uris (now Gershwin) Theatre for maybe one performance. From the street, only 2 words were visible on the marque: Up and Uris.Classic."
The show you're referring to was 'Via Galactica' - it was originally titled 'Up' but they allegedly changed the name for that very reason, perhaps the only good decision those producers made...
