Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings — Page 2

#26

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 3/29/07 at 9:08pm

I dont remember the HIGH FIDELITY one exactly.. but it was hysterical.. it included.... "Please take the time to unwrap those ****ing annoying candies. Oh, and this show uses the work **** a lot.. so if the word **** offends you, grab you shawl and your husband and get the **** out! This ain't no Protestant picnic! And [screamed over first cords of overture] shut your ****ing cell phone off now!!!!!!"

Updated On: 3/29/07 at 09:08 PM

#27

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 3/29/07 at 9:09pm

Spamalot's was along the lines of, "Be sure to allow your cell phones to ring and ring as much as possible. However, you will be thrown out by doing so."

---

"Ev'ry-buddy wants ta get into de act!" - Jimmy Durante "Breathe from your hoo-hoo." -Kristin Chenoweth

Updated On: 3/29/07 at 09:09 PM

#28

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 3/29/07 at 9:12pm

I like the idea of petite Laura Bell Bundy coming after you if anything from LEGALLY BLONDE shows up on YouTube.

#29

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 3/29/07 at 9:17pm

High Fidelity's one was great in Boston. I heard it was cut?

Too bad...

#30

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 3/29/07 at 9:19pm

I remember Threepenny using the same as Lear. Before each act started a million cell phones would go off.

---

You're reminding me of people you hear at the movies asking questions every ten seconds, "Who is that? Why is that guy walking down the street? Who's that lady coming up to him? Uh-oh, why did that car go by? Why is it so dark in this theater?" - FindingNamo on strummergirl

"If artists were machines, then I'm just a different kind of machine...I'd probably be a toaster. Actually, I'd be a toaster oven because they're more versatile. And I like making grilled cheese" -Regina Spektor

"That's, like, twelve shows! ...Or seven." -Crazy SA Fangirl

"They say that just being relaxed is the most important thing [in acting]. I take that to another level, I think kinda like yawning and...like being partially asleep onstage is also good, but whatever." - Sherie Rene Scott

#31

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 3/29/07 at 9:22pm

Spelling Bee's is cool, too, because they announce it like you're at an elementary school spelling bee.

---

One time, Patti LuPone punched me in the face...


It was awesome. - theaterkid1015

#32

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 3/29/07 at 10:56pm

not pre-show but when i saw the sweeney revival someones phone went off 3 times and patti wigged out.

---

Can, can I have it?

#33

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 3/30/07 at 12:01am

Spamalot said something like "Feel free to allow your cell phone ring freely but remember there are knights onstage ready and willing to implale you."

High Fidelity's pre-show made me laugh. Why was it cut??? What was it changed to?

---

Dean: Can I tell you something? Lorraine: That depends on what it is. Dean: I think you're really really pretty. Lorraine: (after a pause) Ok, you can tell me that.

#34

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 3/30/07 at 12:04am

Spamalot's was funny.

---

"We like to snark around here. Sometimes we actually talk about theater...but we try not to let that get in our way." - dramamama611

#35

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 3/30/07 at 12:09am

I saw a local production of Urinetown where they had the police prowling the stage preshow. Then they planted an audience member whose cell phone went off. The police immediatly grabbed him and dragged him off whilst he screamed that he didn't want to go to urinetown. it was great.

---

"Picture "The View," with the wisecracking, sympathetic sweethearts of that ABC television show replaced by a panel of embittered, suffering or enraged Arab women" -the Times review of Black Eyed

#36

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 3/30/07 at 6:13am

I directed a show for a local theater that celebrated the past shows they had done. I wrote an opening where the show begins and then a phone goes off to a plant in the audience and she answers it and winds up arguing with the cast. It was great hearing the audience groan when it went off, and then start to get angry when she started talking. Never had any phones go off during that show either!

#37

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 3/30/07 at 6:53am

Oh, Legally Blonde's won, with the YouTube warning And I got a giggle out of the "this show is conducted by _____, who by the way is totally hot in a John Mayer write-your-own-songs kind of way."

I'll have to ask my friend for details but one show that was in the Sydney Opera House warned patrons that cell phones interfered with aircraft controls and could cause a plane to crash into the theatre

#38

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 3/30/07 at 7:24am

When I saw 'The Play What I wrote' (The Morecambe and Wise tribute show)on tour in the UK. The announcer would say 'Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the **** Theatre for tonights performance. At this time we would like you to switch off all phone and pagers as we have a team of alert holding crossbows and people ringing will be taken out...'
The lights would go out and the announcer would introduce a man walking across the stage, the man pulls out a harmonica and is about to play. His phone goes off, he realises, screams 'NO' and falls over with an arrow in his back.

#39

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 3/30/07 at 10:50am

I heard one or read about it in the last year that included something like, "If you need a mint after the show stars, please swallow it whole with the wrapper".

By the way, cell fones get the most attention, but some other noises that may even be more common are someone sitting really near you who keeps audibly rubbing their fingers on their trouser leg or folded overcoat, which if they never stop, can actually be distracting. (Often a senior, no offense is intended). And this may sound really finicky, but some people are loud breathers that can be heard from 10 feet away that are really not fun to sit next to.

#40

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 3/30/07 at 10:54am

One of my faves was the pre-show announcement for Five Coure Love, a small off-Broadway musical last season which had a very clever song written specifically with all the warnings.

---

"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men" - Willy Wonka

#41

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 3/30/07 at 11:08am

I just finished a recent production of You're a Good Man Charlie Brown and we borrowed the pre-show announcement that one of our actors heard at a production of the show in Chicago. It starts out with someone talking like the teacher in all the Charlie Brown Cartoons. "Wah, wah, wha, wah, wah" Then Sally comes over the microphone "No, let me tell them Miss Othmar, what she's trying to say is please turn off all cell phones, and if you need to open any candy do it now. REALLY! Do it now! (sounds of candy wrappers being opened), Oh and please no flash photography, because it may cause us to fall and have boo-boos. Enjoy the show! (silence) Oh and make sure you clap REALLY loud!"

It was really cute

#42

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 3/31/07 at 12:02pm

At King Lear, right before the show starts, they had a phone go off. Then a few seconds later, another phone went off. Then more and more rings were heard all over the theater. Then they stopped and the lights dimmed. They repeated it for the second act as well. It was funny because there was always someone who though it was their phone.

Funny, they did the EXACT same thing when I saw the Goodspeed production of PIPPIN recently. A cacophony of rings were heard around the theater, and then the lights dimmed with the sudden sound of electricity crackling, and then the "MAGIC TO DO" vamp.

---

"How could she just suddenly, completely disappear into thin water?" - The Little Mermaid

#43

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 4/1/07 at 3:37am

These are great, a lot of new ones I've never heard. As a stage manager, it's helpful to hear some new ideas. It seems I rarely get to do a show with the right vibe to do a funny/sarcastic announcement. One of these days...

#44

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 4/1/07 at 12:18pm

"At this performance of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, there will be no preshow announcement."

Set the stage perfectly for the comedy in the rest of the show.

---

"If there was a Mount Rushmore for Broadway scores, "West Side Story" would be front and center. It snaps, it crackles it pops! It surges with a roar, its energy and sheer life undiminished by the years" - NYPost reviewer Elisabeth Vincentelli

#45

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 4/1/07 at 12:28pm

At the Two and Only in addition to the normal “turn your phones off” the pre show announcement explained that ventriloquism is an art and that all the voices heard in the production were from the single actor on stage. No hidden recordings or sound tricks were used. The announcement then concluded by saying “this was a recording”.

---

"Have they come yet?"

#46

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 4/1/07 at 1:37pm

"Thou Shalt Not eat candy with cellophane wrappers,
Thou Shalt Not use a cell phone during the performance..."

... most entertaining part of the show! Well, that and placing bets to see if Kate Levering would doff her top during the Spinning Bed Ballet or not.

A Good Nightmare Comes So Rarely,
P genre

#47

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 4/1/07 at 2:30pm

Does anyone remember what the NY announcement for High Fidelity was, because I remember being in the pit for that show and laughing my butt off. What was it?

And another fave, (speaking of A Good Nightmare Comes So Rarely)
"Oh, and one more thing... no vampires were hurt or killed during the making of this production," from Dance of the Vampires.

And they also said something about His Majesty before "The Lion King," but one of my absolute favorites was (try and guess this one):

"And we must warn people with nervous dispositions that Spandex pants and platform shoes will be used for the duration of this performance."

---

"How could she just suddenly, completely disappear into thin water?" - The Little Mermaid

#48

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 4/1/07 at 2:44pm

Not Broadway, but Cirque du Soleil's pre-show warnings before "Ka" and "O" are pretty good. "Ka" ends when they end up throwing the smoking, cell phone using guy into a pit of fire. "O" ends when they make the guy dive about 300 feet into a pool.

#49

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 4/1/07 at 5:00pm

The opening of THE ROCKY HORROR SHOW revival was great. Frank 'n' Furter says something along the lines of, "...or put your phone on vibrate...you'll love it."

#50

re: Favorite/Funniest Beginning of Show Warnings

Posted: 4/1/07 at 7:17pm

Oh, so embarrassed to recognise the Mamma Mia one.

I liked Hair's, after the cell phone bit it concluded with "but the use of hallucenogenic drugs is strongly encouraged!"