Has anyone been a big fan and met the person and became good friends?- Page 5

[StateOfJade]

Posted: 11/20/04 at 11:19pm

I first met Daphne Rubin-Vega after one of her gigs. I was kind of overwhelmed, because I'd never been to one of those events before, and it was a pub so I'm guessing I was the youngest there...a few months later I saw her in Anna in the Tropics while it was playing at Princeton, and I gave her a letter and talked to her a bit after the show. She wrote me back and sent a picture, and then I went to another one of her gigs...something semi-embarassing happened before she performed, and so she remembered me after that, lol. When I saw 'Between Us' a few months ago, she saw me in the front row, and had an usher grab me for her before I left, because there was a questions and answers thing with the playwright that lasted about 15 minutes. She really is one of the sweetest and kindest people ever. I only get a chance to talk with her after shows or her concerts, and sometimes email. She even asked me and my friends about babysitting a little while ago...don't know about that haha.

Also Sebastian Arcelus (who officially left RENT ;-() knew me and would talk to me after I saw the show, and I gave him this letter, and then about a month later he was in the audience at Subway Train, and during intermission he came to my seat and told me my letter was beautiful and kept thanking me for it over and over...and told me how it had moved him. I was in shock. I was touched, and was so happy it had moved him. He asked for my email later, and whenever I see him he'll give me a hug and we'll chat a bit. He's a great guy. I hope Good Vibrations does well.

[mint0621]

Posted: 11/21/04 at 3:34pm

State of Jade, I think you can be good aquaintances, but you aren't really "good friends" with Daphne and Sebastian, I know a lot of Rent cast that are able to recognize me and have interesting conversations with after the shows.

This discussion has been quite interesting, to say the least. I guess some people have managed to cross over into the "friendship" side from being fans. It's fun to hear these stories.

[Chevstriss]

Posted: 11/21/04 at 4:36pm

My personal definition of friend: do you have their direct phone # and email? when they see its you on caller ID, do they pick up?

When i was friends w/ a coupla stars, it was before the days of caller ID or even voice mail, so they had to pick up. I'm no longer "friends" w/ them, but one has started emailing me again after 25 yrs. Maybe we could be friends again someday.

[CJR]

Posted: 11/21/04 at 8:53pm

My personal definition of friend: do you have their direct phone # and email? when they see its you on caller ID, do they pick up?

I agree with that one....

Add: Do you go to their house/apartment to hang out and vice versa? Do you know their families? Is this a person you would call in a crisis?

Anyone can say they're friends with ANY person (famous or otherwise).... I agree with what Daisy said earlier in the thread, that people blur the line of friendship all too often. The word friend is thrown around so frequently it's hard to tell when people are really 'legit' friends.

[StateOfJade]

Posted: 11/21/04 at 9:09pm

Thanks for analyzing, mint. I never said that I considered myself 'good friends' with either of the two. Yes, castmembers tend to generally recognize people. I'm not someone who sees the show like every week, but I go once in a while. I'm not someone who waits at the stagedoor to leap on actors and get pictures and stuff like that. If I bump into him outside the theatre before the show starts, or if he has time to talk after the show, we talk, and other than that we talk through email. It's not like I take him to dinner and ask for his number :-p. I never really think 'Oh, we're buddies,' when I talk to him, or Daphne. That one time after Between Us, I had figured that Daphne had left the theatre already so I was about to leave, but apparently she'd seen me in the audience and had told one of the ushers to come up to me after the discussion was over, and said 'Daphne told me to to have her friends wait for her,' and so I waited, and later she came out and tapped me on the back and gave me a hug, and we talk, she asks about school, and talks about the baby. Again, obviously it's not like the other relationsips people are talking about on this board where they go out to lunch and stuff like that.

[ShineOn]

Posted: 11/21/04 at 10:54pm

I would just like to add another two cents:

After "befriending" someone I am a very big fan of... I came to the conclusion I never want to have *any form* of a relationship with anyone else I REALLY admire as a performer. Point being, if you're not in a great place with them PERSONALLY, it has a domino affect on seeing them perform. It's kind of a lose/lose situation, you know?

If Bebe Neuwirth walked up to me tomorrow and asked me out for coffee, I'd turn her down in a heart beat.

Just say NO, my friends. All you little Wicked fans... no "befriending" Idina Menzel, gots it?

[paulie23]

Posted: 11/21/04 at 11:53pm

Isn't that a generalization? Unless you are speaking specifically of Idina & Bebe? I don't really get what you mean.

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 11/22/04 at 9:12am

She means if you get to be good friends with someone, and then something goes "bad", then you won't enjoy watching them perform anymore either, and you've lost that pleasure in your life.

Say you become good friends with someone you're a fan of - you have gotten great pleasure in the past from their performances onstage, onscreen, or on cd. If you are having personal issues with them, believe me, it will become difficult to enjoy them as a fan anymore. I've worked for people who I had loved as performers, but after personal experiences with them, I can't watch/listen to them anymore. You have to decide if that's worth it.

[PennyLou]

Posted: 11/22/04 at 9:12am

Here is my take on this, if people really have become friends from being a fan that's great, just as great as it is for becoming friend with anyone else.. Friends are good.. but if you truly are friends with someone why would you want to flaunt it all over the Internet? I just feel that any true friendship isn't something that you wave around like a big old flag.. I think a true friendship is something you hold close to you and it doesn't matter who knows it or not just as long as the friendship is important to the it involves ... but that's just my point of view.

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 11/22/04 at 9:24am

We're not flaunting - we're just sharing, as other people might be interested as to what it's like. I haven't used one name.

[PennyLou]

Posted: 11/22/04 at 12:37pm

I just feel that if you are friends with someone no matter who they are you should be friends with them for the same reason you would be friends with everyone else.. For example if I where friends with someone like Madonna (I'm so not, just an example) I wouldn't tell the world that I was friends with her, I wouldn't keep it a secret, that's not what I am saying either, I just feel it should be treated like any other friendship.. you said other people might want to know but if they have friends then they should know.. true all friendships are different but it should be different solely because they happen to be performers or such. I tend to keep a great value in 'friend'.

[Spooky]

Posted: 11/22/04 at 1:03pm

Nobody's exploiting or flaunting any relationships, someone asked a question of "is it possible" and people are answering.
Nobody's bragging per se and no one is giving out intimate details. I'm proud of my friends who've made it and I don't think saying I know them, exploits them in any way.

[mint0621]

Posted: 11/22/04 at 1:58pm

It's just a discussion whether it's possible to be a big fan of someone and be a good friend. I don't think there's any exploitation going on here.

[CJR]

Posted: 11/22/04 at 3:40pm

I have not seen any friendship exploitation in this thread.. I have seen examples of performers used, but it was never once in the context of: (ex) I'm really good friends with Ann Reinking (please read, this is just an example and Im NOT).. We met one ngiht after she was doing Fosse and just hit it off completely!

Nobody's naming names and we're all treating the friendships we have with respect. A performer is just another person... who happens to have a really fun job lol. The person who initially started this topic just wanted to know if it was a possibilty to become friends with a performer you might already be a fan of. They never asked us to name names, and quite honestly even if they had, we'd all be just as respectful.

[pixitrek]

Posted: 11/22/04 at 4:54pm

I find that a little insulting, to say that just because we've mentioned friends and reminisced rather vaguely about past experiences, we're exploiting our friendships.

[Miss Balash]

Posted: 7/19/06 at 1:33pm

OK, guys, I'm a lurker who is finally posting to bump up this old thread because I need your advice:

I wasn't a big fan, but a couple of months ago I met a Broadway actress after a show. We had exchanged a few emails and I know one of her old friends on an work acquaintance level, so when I mentioned that I'd be coming to the performance, she invited me backstage. This led to me and four of her friends being invited back to her apartment for drinks and a chat. We had a really nice evening, and I emailed her a thank you.

Last week, I got a handwritten note which included the phrase "Please keep in touch".

Here's where I need your help:
How would you keep in touch without this person thinking you're a stalker? I sort of feel like "Do I email right away or let her chill out for a while?" (She's since left her role.) "Do I drop a handwritten note in the mail?" In person, we talked about a job situation I'm in, and she asked me to keep her posted, but I don't need to send her an update everytime something happens. I did think of a gift she might enjoy, but I don't want her to think I've crossed the line into Stalkerland.

Anyway, I hope you won't think I'm a total weirdo and I have no illusions about being BFF with this person. I just know some of you have experience in this area and the last thing I want to be is a nuisance. Thanks!
Updated On: 7/19/06 at 01:33 PM

[DrunkyMcWasted]

Posted: 7/19/06 at 2:10pm

If you've exchanged e-mails before, I don't see anything wrong with dropping her an e-mail. Just be careful not to be overbearing. Don't send her fifty e-mails or anything, let her respond and go from there (that's good advice in ANY early friendship, no matter who they are).

On the original topic of the thread: I know people who this has happened to. One of my very good friends is pretty close with a big name in the talk-and-gets-her-hand-me-down-cloths way (No names. I'm never sure what I'm allowed to say on the subject, but better to be safe than sorry). And that started out as a fan thing.

I myself had something of the opposite happen. The only actress I could come CLOSE to saying I'm friends with (because dancing drunk with Kerry Butler doesn't count :P) is currently the lead in a show, but I met her for the first time completely outside of that show. She's good friends with one of my best friends, and had come to see him in something at our college. I wound up sitting next to her the whole show and we talked. Since then, I've become a huge fan of her work (I was only vaguely aware of her before).

[TheActr97J]

Posted: 7/19/06 at 2:17pm

He's a great guy. I hope Good Vibrations does well.

It's quotes like this that make me happy when people bring back OLD threads.

[mejusthavingfun]

Posted: 7/19/06 at 4:06pm

You should rent Selena (starring the multi-talented J-LO). It's also on VH1 all the time. It can happen,, but um it doesn't seem like a really balanced relationship... It's kinda like when you fall in love with someone and they don't feel the same way. It's really pathetic. I've heard so many stories from my actor friends of bway groupies. One girl used to follow a friend of mine to the subway and go out of her way to sit next to him.

The one thing people on here often fail to see how embarassed these actors get when they are stalked by "fans." It gets a little old and when your out and about with normal people as it's pretty surreal to have one run up start blabbing and asking for pics and to sign crap with glitter pens.

I once saw Taye Diggs run from a fan. That had to be the funniest thing ever. He bolted.
Updated On: 7/19/06 at 04:06 PM

[popular_elphie]

Posted: 7/19/06 at 4:37pm

One girl used to follow a friend of mine to the subway and go out of her way to sit next to him.
That's scary.

It's a very interesting topic. I've never been friends with any actors I've been a fan of - there have been a few or there who I e-mail with every once in a while, but I wouldn't call them friends. When I see them on the street, I'll just wave hello, and not stop them from going where they need to. And to my...acquaintances that are in shows now, I just commend them on a great show at the stage door, or introduce them to a fan of theirs who I've taken to see the show.

It's also a question of do you WANT to be friends with the person. I have a friend who was once very good friends with an actress. She admired her very much, and loved the show she was in as well. They had a falling out, and now the show this actress is in is tainted for my friend, and she used to love it so much.

[bella cantato]

Posted: 7/19/06 at 5:55pm

I facebooked Steve Kazee of Spamalot and he rejected me. Guess that means we aren't friends. Damn! I felt such a connection at the stage door too.

[WickedGeek28]

Posted: 7/19/06 at 6:06pm

"I hope Good Vibrations does well."

Oh, my! What an old thread!

[PB ENT.]

Posted: 7/19/06 at 7:57pm

I didn't take the time to read all of this, so apologies if this has been repeated but...

We all live very busy lives. Working actors are especially busy. They barely have time for long time friends let alone new "theater pals". They're not insincere when they say "keep in touch. But I'm fairly sure most don't mean "stay in touch" over little things going on in your life. That's not being rude. They are simply very busy.

In a nutshell, if an "actor acquaintance", which is what many people mistake for a friend/relationship, exchanges an e-mail with you, don't overuse it. LOL! They might not recall who you are, if it was a one time meeting. They meet a LOT of people.

IE: If they land a new role, it's ok to send a congratulatory e-mail. But it's not ok to e-mail out of the blue to say "what's going on in your life/career?" Unless, UNLESS you are truly a long time, close friend and have established that kind of a rapport with him/her.

I work(ed) with a lot of actors over the years. Some I know better than others. From covering interviews I have a lot of e-mails and personal cell phone #'s. I wouldn't think of using that as a means to "keep in touch", unless, UNLESS he/she feel comfortable with me to do so and I had a reason to contact him/her.

When in doubt, respect others busy lives. If they want to keep in touch, they will.

Updated On: 7/19/06 at 07:57 PM

Posted: 7/19/06 at 8:15pm

My personal definition of friend: do you have their direct phone # and email? when they see its you on caller ID, do they pick up?

Amen. I realize this thread is quite old, but seeing how it's already been bumped and I find the topic interesting, I thought I'd through my opinion out there. Personally, I think it's nearly impossible to introduce yourself to a performer as a fan of his or her work and then develop a true friendship with that person. Is it possible to be friendly in a fan/performer relationship? Most definitely, and in fact, it's probably quite likely depending on the performer. However, once a performer knows you as a huge fan of his or hers, I think it sets a certain dynamic for any potential relationship that may blossom. You're automatically not on even levels at the beginning of the relationship. I'd imagine it's extremely difficult to overcome that initial dynamic to the point where a performer is not only picking up the phone when you call, but calling you to grab a bite to eat or for drinks with both parties feeling completely at ease. I'm sure the possibility exists, but I think such instances are far and few between.

For those who mentioned that a certain performer emails them and/or recognizes them in the crowd -- again, is that truly friendship? To me, that definitely falls under the category of being simply friendly with a person... and there's anything wrong with that at all.

[Wildcard]

Posted: 7/20/06 at 2:25pm

I know someone who was a fan of Marin Mazzie. They discover in the course of their conversation that they have a common friend and have become friends since. So whenever Marin and Jason are in town (SF), they at least try to go to dinner.