Anything said below is said as a paying ticket-holder, and an observer of the events that followed. Be warned, it's lengthy, so I don't want to hear any "tl;dr." Either read it or don't.
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I attended several previews, because the word-of-mouth from Michael Riedel's column alone suggested this was the show to see if one wanted to see an epic catastrophe. Unlike some other people's opinions of him, Mr. Riedel, true to form, has never let me down. I extend no sympathy to the creators and producers of
Spider-Man. They bought a turkey. "Epic catastrophe" is putting it mildly when it comes to this show.
I've been working in professional theater since I was 15, and trust me when I tell you that contrary to public perception, first preview is almost always treated like opening as far as designers, directors, and producers are concerned. You better have your sh
it together and get the show up and running.
* Having scenery that isn't even built and installed in time, especially on a show with this much hype and this kind of money behind it, is absolutely inexcusable.
* Having the rigging not teched-out and properly rehearsed before you have that kind of audience is absolutely inexcusable.
* Not even having the last ten minutes written until a couple of weeks ago (my timing may be slightly off) is absolutely inexcusable. It is an insult to the patrons and an embarrassment to the production.
All of this talk about "what do you expect from a first preview" is ridiculous. I expect a finished product and a competent production team. Final product or not, the show should have been more ready for previews than it actually was, especially when the team has had literally
over a year of rehearsal and at least planning time to work out the kinks, more than plenty of time. Saying the preview period is going to be extended to iron out the problems is ridiculous, and being "in previews" is no excuse for these shenanigans. The preview period isn't the time to rework the entire show, which
Spider-Man desperately needs.
The present state of theater dictates that buying tickets to the first preview of a technically complex Broadway show practically guarantees that there are bound to be hiccups. But these weren't hiccups. This was a drunk heaving in a public bathroom. It is unfair for people to pay enormous prices for imperfection. (In the comments on one of Riedel's column's pieces on the show, already we're seeing signs of shady tricks by the producers to attempt to make their money back: one consumer reported he bought tickets for one preview, and then when the producers canceled the performance, they refused to replace the tickets with comparable seats at the same price for another performance, no refund. That is shameful, grossly unfair, and poor business practice.) I almost felt like I'd walked into a real version of
The Producers, and half expected to find Leo Bloom and Max Bialystock in a bar near the theater.
I was later made aware that the show had not had a full run-through until the first night. They had no clue what the full running time was; apparently no one had ever thought of running the whole thing from start to finish to see if it needed cuts, or if there would be any problems with the special effects. Is this Broadway now?
First preview, the show had to stop
four times, and that's not counting an intermission that stretched on forever due to tech difficulties, and an additional ten minutes before the show could come to an end. Is this Broadway now?
If this is Broadway now, then the Broadway I love lies dead and buried six feet in the ground. The Broadway I know and love has been replaced by a theme park, with Vegas/Disney attractions rather than theatrical productions. Good writers with good pieces of work? Who cares! It's all about what will sell to the masses!! This show is clearly more about money and egos than art!!! The Broadway I know would have never let this happen, or at least had the bugs worked out. See, they used to try Broadway shows out of town before bringing them in. It would be worth it to spend the cash trying it out elsewhere, rather than losing all that advance sales cash and closing prematurely.
All of the press has been bad; all of the word-of-mouth has been absolutely horrible. It did attract people at first to see it for the spectacle of it all (in the sense that a car wreck on the highway is a spectacle), but spectacle can only go so far in the theater. The reviews are now in, and they, too, smell like the raw sewage of the Hudson. I doubt there's any chance of a Tony, even for sympathy, in the show's future.
Any good reviews, a Tony, good word-of-mouth, even minutely good press, could have salvaged this show financially. But there's not even one "pull quote" between two negative reviews. And so it's going to fail financially, as if there were any doubt. Money-wise, the backers of this production can never make their money back, especially with the unrealistic conditions required to merit a return on their investment, let alone any profit after the fact.
To break even, they need to sell out every seat in the house for over four years. First of all, the seating capacity is too small regardless of ticket prices. Secondly, four years? It seems this show couldn't even make it four
weeks without something going so horribly wrong that Actor's Equity was halting performances, and OSHA and the New York State Labor Department were looking into unsafe workplace practices.
Insurance? On this show? Probably, say, a million dollar deductible. If anything, they should be looking into cutting back the special effects drastically to save what little money they have left, rather than adding more sequences as Mr. Briefer has reported.
Now, as a working producer, I view this as a very serious issue. The kind of black holes caused by ventures like this hurt all of us who have to raise money to effectuate plays and films. In terms of score, book, direction, and much of the casting, this show needs a
Scarlet Pimpernel-style makeover from top to bottom (as someone else mentioned in this thread), but there should be no excuse whatsoever for why the book and score are so horrendous, when they've had enough time (and money) to make
five shows with a budget of $13 million each work, rather than spending all $65 million in one place.
(Quick note: For anyone who felt the book and score couldn't possibly be that dreadful, they are, darling. The score, including one recycled U2 tune, is mediocre, and the book is dreadful. Evidently these pressing issues were ignored in favor of getting a lot of "cool" special effects that don't really seem to do anything consistently other than screw up or injure people passed by Equity boards. Likewise with the staging. I found myself muttering, "Julie Taymor directed this play? Seems to me like the job was done by Howard, Fine & Howard." My misgivings about some of them aside, I hope the cast are getting hazard pay, but it seems like so far $65 million has produced jack sh
it, so somehow I don't find it hard to imagine the cast being overlooked.)
I'm not one to wish anyone ill-will. That being said, however, I am no longer just hoping for, but applauding the failure of this monstrosity now that I've actually seen it. It embodies all that is wrong with Broadway. If I want to see this kind of nonsense, I'll go to Vegas and see Cirque. There is more at risk right now than finances. The safest -- and sanest -- thing to do on the part of the producers and investors is to accept that they're taking a huge bath, and flush this show down the toilet. It's done. Stick a fork in it.
P.S. As a parting note, a quick commentary on those who reported a standing ovation at the end of the show: every performance from Broadway to church basement gets a standing ovation these days. It's not a barometer for anything other than people accepting any type of low-rent manure that's shoved at them. And by the end of that show, after all the stops and the mind-numbing crap, when we got up to applaud, it could have been anything on that stage. It could have been Christ on the cross for all I cared. I was thankful to get up, and get the hell out.
"There is no problem so big that it cannot be run away from."
~ Charles M. Schulz
