is sending a birthday card considered stalking- Page 2

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 6/10/08 at 7:32pm

No, some actors think that's neat.

[adamgreer]

Posted: 6/10/08 at 7:39pm

I think it would be VERY creepy to get a card from someone I don't know.

But that's just me.

ETA: That video is SCARY.
Updated On: 6/10/08 at 07:39 PM

[TooDarnHot]

Posted: 6/10/08 at 7:57pm

Why would you ever do something so creepy?

No. No birthday cards. You don't know them, except for how they are on stage or at the stage door. That is just weird.

[Gobstopper]

Posted: 6/10/08 at 8:10pm

Again, I think the scrapbooks are sweet, especially if it's when the cast member is leaving. Especially when the person making it gets lots of pics and comments from other fans to put in it.

I've never made one, but I've seen pictures of ones others have made and they seem really sweet and they take a lot of work!

[GlindatheGood22]

Posted: 6/10/08 at 8:18pm

If you happen to see a show on a cast member's birthday, I don't think it's creepy to say happy birthday at the stage door. However, if you stagedoor without seeing the show for the sole purpose of giving them a birthday card, that's kinda creepy.

[legally_popular]

Posted: 6/10/08 at 8:25pm

"Making a scrapbook for someone you don't know is NEVER appropriate. I can hear it now.

Broadway Star: Where did you get that picture of me eating at John's Pizza?

Fan: Oh, I stood outside and took a picture through the window."

LOL - now THAT would be scary. I'm talking about like promo pictures from the show that they're in or stuff like that. For example, I saw someone give Megan Hilty a scrapbook and it just had like pictures of her as Glinda and was cute and creative and pink. Definitely not personal pictures or paparazzi-like pictures, no way! haha.

[dramamama611]

Posted: 6/10/08 at 8:58pm

While I don't think it's stalkerish, I would only send it to either the theater or in person.

And while you or I would think it's weird to have a stranger send us a card...a b'way (or hollywood) actor probably would not, since they do, indeed, have fans.

what I don't get is presents for the actors (and one of my best friends does it almost every she goes to the theater). But I also don't "get" autographs. I enjoy meeting actor's whose work I enjoy and chatting to them about that, but the rest is lost on me.

[thelastmidnight]

Posted: 6/10/08 at 9:03pm

If you do plan on sending a card, keep it short and simple and address it to the theatre. Gushing about them in a long letter and then sending it to their home address is creepy. You have to remember that they don't know anything about you, and being familiar with them through shows, interviews, and stage door meetings does not mean you know them either.

[Steve2]

Posted: 6/10/08 at 9:06pm

No not stalking at all. Make sure you say that you are a fan and appreciate their work and wish them a happy birthday. Not creepy, one bit.

Posted: 6/10/08 at 9:28pm

I agree with most everyone else... only sending it to the theater or giving it to them in person seems appropriate. Emailing doesn't seem that bad either... most actors with websites have an email address there to send an email. If it's on their website... I wouldn't consider that creepy either. I would never send it to a home address, no matter any way you spin it... it's stalker-ish.

I think it's sweet that you would take the time to think of them... as long as you aren't creepy about it. Just saying happy birthday and that you enjoy your work... it's something they can keep versus a letter which is odd/harder to display.

[mikem]

Posted: 6/10/08 at 9:31pm

I actually think that a scrapbook (that only contains publicly available pics and is about the show and not about their personal life) is less questionable than a birthday card. I think there's a difference between appreciating someone's professional work and trying to get into an actor's personal life. A fan letter or a non-private-life scrapbook is an acknowledgement of their professional work. Casually saying Happy Birthday to someone you happen to see on their birthday is one thing, but sending a birthday card is celebrating a personal event in someone's life that is weird to celebrate if you don't actually know that person.

ETA: If the actor is publicizing his birthdate and ways of contacting him through his official website/bio/etc, then I think the actor has to expect that people are going to use that information.

Updated On: 6/10/08 at 09:31 PM

[puppetman2]

Posted: 6/10/08 at 11:05pm

I appreciate all the answers to this question. I would never send something to anyone's home address or try to call them. I do think that if a performer has accounts on My Space or Facebook that lists their emails, that they would not mind a message. Many of these sites list birthdays. Also if they list their web sites in program bios, they seem to offer fans a chance to contact them. Of course I can be completely wrong in my interpertation of this.

[dramagirl487]

Posted: 6/10/08 at 11:27pm

i think its a very nice idea

just say something more general like "wanted to wish you a happy bithday and thank you for your performances"

i would be really honored, if it was me.

it might be weird to write a really elaborate b-day card, but a short little nice note is a great idea.

[Eris0303]

Posted: 6/10/08 at 11:41pm

Also, if you're going to buy a card just get a simple one that says "Happy Birthday". Don't get a jokey one or a flowery one. Follow the KISS premise here.

[Craww]

Posted: 6/10/08 at 11:42pm

I think it's fine. I mean, I wouldn't do it, because I'm too lazy to even send cards to the people I love. But sure.

I think some people are ascribing a level of intimacy to birthday cards that I've never personally felt. Of course, it depends on the card and the person giving it, but birthday cards are pretty innocuous.

[winston89]

Posted: 6/11/08 at 12:49am

I don't know if anyone saw the comments on the video from the youtube link. But, talk about freaky.

One person said that most actors are freaked out about doing something like making them a scrapbook and they end up joking about it amongst the cast at the gift giver's expense. The person who's video it was said that it was justifiable because it was the opening night of someone replacing a lead. Either way, a scrapbook does sound a bit freaky in my book. And of course no actor is going to be rude about getting a gift. That would just flat out not be nice. What they do once they get the gift and the gift giver is gone is another story altogether.

I don't think it is wrong to do something like email the actors if they have an email address listed on their website or they make public the fact that they have a myspace or a facebook. I do find it to be freaky if you did a facebook/myspace search of a particular actor just to send them a fan letter.

[i*heart*fame]

Posted: 6/11/08 at 12:52am

Although given the circumstances this might not be "stalking" a good rule of thumb is if you think you might be crossing a line--you probably are.

[Tkt2Ride]

Posted: 6/11/08 at 2:11am

You can send anyone really anything? If it is funny they may laugh. If it is expensive, they may send you a thank you card. If you expect anything in return for doing it? Good luck. When you send a b-card to a relative or friend, they may say thank you for the thought. If you don't know that person, they will probably forget about it. If it is a nice card, it may be something positive that they need at that moment?

Weird? Could be? Depends on the card. Presents? It's like giving to charity though I always appreciated a kind word or something good to eat, if I liked it? Lots of people say, "good job" or "nice performance". A gift, if it is useful to the person who receives it, can be nice? No one wants anything that comes with "strings" though. Especially from a stranger. So don't give anything you expect to be kept or sentimental. It might end up that way but I try to ask permission first before giving something away. If it is something that can be shared, I try to give it before the show. That way, if someone is on a diet, they won't feel guilty by not eating it.

I think looking up someone in the phone book,(who lists their numbers these days?), is pushing it. If they don't want to give out their home address personally? I don't think it is such a great idea? If you are in love with someone who doesn't know you and are hoping this act will win you points? Could go either way? If you send a picture, who is going to believe it is really you? If they are involved with someone, it could go very bad for either of you.

Most b-day cards end up in that great circular card file in the sky. If you really feel you just have to say Happy b-day, I don't think it's a problem. Unless you have been told don't send anything or they publicly state, this bothers them so much! It is all very personal and individuals all react differently. I think, if you keep sending stuff with no reply, it is pretty much a lost cause. They are probably too busy just trying to stay employed. Fanletters? That's different but many actors don't reply so that too may not generate the response you were hoping for.

The album thing? Wow, that must take some effort? I would really ask first? Unless you don't mind if it ends up, again, tossed away. It probably wouldn't even be personal, just housecleaning. So for most things beyond fanletters, I'd say only do it if you have the time and can face it probably won't gain a response from the person getting it. I think, if it makes you happy to feel like you are giving something back for all of their hard work on stage, how can that be such a bad thing? I won't condemn you for it. If your intentions are good, most appreciate being thought well of by anyone.

[jordangirl]

Posted: 6/11/08 at 5:33am

I think some people are ascribing a level of intimacy to birthday cards that I've never personally felt. Of course, it depends on the card and the person giving it, but birthday cards are pretty innocuous.

And a level of intimacy to birthdays in general that I've personally never felt. I don't know...I've never felt like "Oh my God...this is MY birthday and by telling me happy birthday you're invading my intimate personal space". I just don't think they're THAT big of a deal that "personal" and "intimate" are the words I'd use to describe them. But maybe that's just me.

[That Groovy Guy]

Posted: 6/11/08 at 10:32am

It never ceases to amaze me how bent out of shape people get when questions like this come up. You're sending a birthday card for crying out loud, not a lock of hair. There's nothing even remotely creepy about it.

If a performer is going to get all freaked out by innocent contact from the public, then they've definitely chosen the wrong profession.

Send the card.

[Calvin]

Posted: 6/11/08 at 10:44am

Imagine YOU getting a birthday card from someone you didn't know.

I do -- every year! (from a host of car dealerships, dentists, PR flacks and other such folk with whom I might have done business once but certainly don't keep tabs on)

So, I'm with those who say a simple, general card sent to the theatre is not a cause for a restraining order. Don't expect one back, though.

[dancingthrulife04]

Posted: 6/11/08 at 10:54am

That video is creepy.

As for the card, if you go about it the right way I don't see why it would be a problem.

[broadwayjim42]

Posted: 6/11/08 at 12:17pm

I think a birthday card is very cool...as long as it's sent to the theatre. I wouldn't deliver it personally to the theatre unless I had a very good reason or happened to see the show on their birthday.

That said, my daughter and I went maybe a little over the top last year. She really wanted to meet a certain person in a certain (now closed) show, so three weeks before our trip, I dropped a note off at the stage door saying we'd be down in a couple of weeks and hoped to see him at the stage door. She also put together a scrapbook that she wanted to hand deliver. As it turns out, the person in question had scheduled time off when we were going to be there, so we ended up dropping off the scrapbook.

Long story short, we got an envelope with autographed pics inside from said actor and a very sweet note saying that he was very sorry he missed us. No mention was made of the scrapbook, so I suspect his note was in response to my original note, but she was thrilled.

[Mealz1042]

Posted: 6/11/08 at 12:21pm

that video was terrifying.

[robbiej]

Posted: 6/11/08 at 12:35pm

If you ever find yourself negotiating your own behavior (Well...if I do this, am I stalker? At least I didn't do what X did...THAT'S stalkerish), it might be best to not send more than a note of appreciation about a performer's performance. Because, frankly, that's what we want to hear about.

Every performer is different. Some may like the scrapbooks. I know of one performer who felt a little uncomfortable by it. Whatever you do, always tie it to the performance. That's why we're there. And it does mean a lot to know the work we did matters to people. But keep it simple. Keep it respectful.

As I stated above, if you find yourself rationalizing your behavior in any way, it's best to take a step back.