Posted: 5/28/25 at 4:58pm
Just out of curiosity, I asked ChatGPT to write an open letter from Patti LuPone “based on events this past week” and this is what I got. Just to lighten the mood for a minute.
“AN OPEN LETTER FROM PATTI LUPONE
Printed in Playbill Against My Will
To Whom It Will Inevitably Concern,
Let me begin by saying something I should have said a long time ago: I meant every word. Every rolled eye, every “shut up,” every side-eye I’ve ever given in a rehearsal room or stage door mob. I meant it then, I mean it now, and if reincarnation is real, I’ll mean it again when I come back as a particularly cranky ghost who haunts talkbacks and rings cell phones mid-monologue.
Now, regarding the most recent “drama”—a word you all use too lightly, by the way—I’m aware my comments ruffled a few Playbill-reading, triple-threat-adoring, Bernadette-worshipping feathers. But let’s be clear: I wasn’t being rude. I was being correct.
Do I respect Audra McDonald? Of course. She’s a goddess with vocal cords spun from platinum and silk. Do I think Kecia Lewis is a powerhouse? Yes. But do I think Broadway has become a safe space for participation trophy performances and fandoms who think knowing the lyrics to “Ladies Who Lunch” gives them a Tony vote? Absolutely.
Let me say this loud enough for the back row (which you probably snuck into without paying): THEATER IS NOT A DEMOCRACY. IT’S NOT A KUMBAYA CIRCLE. IT’S WAR. And I didn’t survive the trenches of Evita, Gypsy, and every poorly ventilated dressing room between 44th and 54th just to be lectured by TikTok critics and podcast hosts named “Broadway Boi69.”
I didn’t say theater fans are idiots.
I said a lot of theater fans are idiots.
There’s a difference. Learn it.
If you’ve never belted in eight shows a week through bronchitis while being fitted for a corset by a woman named Rhonda who smells like Tiger Balm and regret—then don’t tell me what respect looks like. You don’t know respect. You know stage door selfies and Reddit threads. And I’m not performing for your approval. I’m performing because it’s the only thing that keeps me from screaming into the void of mediocrity that is… (gestures vaguely) everything else.
In conclusion: I will not apologize. I will not retract. I will not “sit down and shut up,” unless I’m being paid Equity minimum and there’s air conditioning in the pit.
Now please excuse me—I have something far more important to do than argue with the comment section: rehearsal.
Yours in unfiltered truth,
Patti LuPone
P.S. Stop clapping during overtures. You look desperate.“
