When Someone Overflows Onto Your Seat & Ruins The Show?- Page 4

[devonian.t]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 12:47pm

So much concern for the person encroaching on another's space- but the OP was the victim.  

The larger person needs to take responsibility and not pass on their problem, without any kind of consultation, and just ignore the discomfort they are causing.

Of course theatres are to blame, too, as humans are generally getting larger thanks to better nutrition, and venues are squeezing people as tightly as they can get away with.

But the OP didn't cause inconvenience to his neighbour; if you can't fit into the seat you booked, you should take the responsibility to deal with this with the theatre management, and not just bluff it out and hope nobody complains you have taken some of the seat they paid for.

[LizzieCurry]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 12:47pm

I'm petite and don't take up a ton of space in a seat, so I haven't had extreme examples of this, but I feel like those of us who ride the subway might be more immune to bodily contact while seated for an extended period of time. And when you go out in public (or enter a paid-for, pseudo-public place), everyone is taking the risk that they'll have some kind of interaction with another person, and everything that goes along with it. Take care of what you can in that moment and do what you have to do without being awful.

Also, yes to everything Charlie said.

[dramamama611]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 12:53pm

He didn't judge the person at all.   Only that he was unable to fully occupy the seat he paid for.   Why is that so wrong.   He simply wanted to avoid being stuck in that position again, should he ever be faced with it.  MIGHT he have used better judgement in some of his wording?  Maybe.  There is no evidence that the large man was in anyway treated badly or offended.  

To say it's not the other person's fault he is infringing on the OPs personal space is ridiculous....of course he didn't set out to do so, but it's there.  No matter what the reason for the man's obesity, it CERTAINLY isn't the OP's fault.   One person's personal rights only go so far until they infringe upon another's rights.  They both had the right to be at the theater. 

I once asked to have my seat moved during intermission for the same exact reason.

 

 

[GeorgeandDot]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 1:00pm

His wording suggests to me that he was prejudiced beforehand, which bothers me. It's not the other person's fault. It's no one's fault. It's the fault of the theatre. If you can, absolutely move. I've moved once because a thin man spread out so wide that I had no leg room and I moved once because a woman showed up with several shopping bags that she insisted needed to be by her seat. These two things, are choices by the people sitting next to me. It wasn't something out of their control. The man could've closed up shop and the woman should've stopped by her hotel with her bags. An overweight person cannot do some jumping jacks in the aisle and drop fifty pounds. It just happens. Snuggle up tight for the show. You might make a friend. Sorry that it sucks, but I don't know what to tell you. You can't ban overweight people from seeing theatre.

[ScottyDoesn'tKnow2]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 1:10pm

I think most people's posts are not responding to the OP's post so much anymore (even if there are some things with the wording and tone that some have taken issue with) but the subsequent posts in defense of the OP that took what the OP posted and ran it to much more aggressive and hostile direction.

[JSquared2]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 1:21pm

PThespian said:


What about a person who is 5’10 and is seated in front of someone who is 5’5? Is the taller person infringing on the shorter person’s right to see the show without having to lean back and forth to one side?


There's no comparison --- and I think you know it. The "vertically challenged person" (is that PC enough?) could always get a booster seat if it's that much of an issue.  Or would you prefer that theatres start selling seats based on height? 

 

 

[wolfwriter]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 1:25pm

GeorgeandDot said: "No that's not my argument.

Yes, it is.

Don't be rude about it .

I wasn't, in the least.

I'm not out of line about that comment by the way.

Yes, you are.

This person made all kinds of generalizations and nasty comments that suggested that they already had a fat prejudice before even stepping into the theatre.

You have fabricated this entirely. But, you, apparently, feel justified projecting your own prejudice on me, when I absolutely don't have one. And, btw, had I put my left arm anywhere on the left side of my person, I would have been using the individual as an armrest. I doubt either of us would have been comfortable with that. So, just "sucking it up" CAN ruin an experience, but you're opinion differs and I respect that.

I'm not attacking them

Yes, you are.

Tobias, I'm sorry that this has hurt you in some way. Please don't leave. Some people just can't put themselves in the shoes of others."

You're the reason, I left the conversation I started. But, thank you for great ideas, to those who saw that I was seeking a positive, non-insulting, non-harmful approach to handling a delicate situation.

[dramamama611]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 1:30pm

But the shorter person has every right to be annoyed that he or she couldn't see the show they paid for....so I think it's exactly the same: its no one's FAULT, but person B is still put out and didn't get the same experience as the other person.

[Lot666]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 1:39pm

GeorgeandDot said: "the OP shouldn't have let this situation that he had no control over ruin his evening."

This is a ridiculous argument. Clearly, the OP was in a physically uncomfortable (even painful) situation throughout the entire show. If you were tied to a chair and beaten for two hours, would it "ruin your evening", or would you be able to dismiss your discomfort simply because the situation was "beyond your control"? If the latter, please share how you are able to do this.

[Gizmo6]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 1:56pm

I’d find the 6ft person in front of me or the person leaning forward much more annoying than the person snuggled up against me.

[GeorgeandDot]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 1:57pm

Suck it up. Sorry. Life doesn't always work out. If you're too uncomfortable, leave. There's nothing to be done. The responses on here are truly disturbing.

I wasn't talking to you wolfwriter, I don't care that you left. Someone else stated on here that they're leaving the board because the statements on here made them feel so bad that they couldn't stand being here anymore. My sympathy goes out to them. Their comment appears to have been deleted. The sense of entitlement here is ridiculous. Stuff isn't always perfect for you and it's positively childish of you to demand that everything work out just to your liking. Why don't you buy an extra seat next to you in case someone overweight happens to sit next to you? Cry me a river. You bought a ticket to a public space and so you have to deal with being in a public space. I told you to speak to an user or the house manager, otherwise shut up and watch the show or leave. You cannot control the actions of others and I don't know what you want me to say. I guess theatres should put up a sign saying "no fatties cause they stink boo." Would that be to your liking? Sorry you had a bad experience, but you expect to hear us all stand with you and say "yeah f*ck fat people!" and I'm not going to go along with that.

Updated On: 4/26/18 at 01:57 PM

[broadway86]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 2:04pm

wolfwriter, this exact thing happened to me when I saw Three Tall Women as well. The gentleman sat next to me mere seconds before curtain, I didn't have have time to consider that it would be a problem. But I did have to shift all of my weight to one side, drape my left hand over my body, the whole thing. Thankfully the performance was only 90 minutes and I was so engrossed anyway.

[Broadway Joe]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 2:08pm

GeorgeandDot said: "His wording suggests to me that he was prejudiced beforehand, which bothers me. It's not the other person's fault. It's no one's fault. It's the fault of the theatre. If you can, absolutely move. I've moved once because a thin man spread out so wide that I had no leg room and I moved once because a woman showed up with several shopping bags that she insisted needed to be by her seat. These two things, are choices by the people sitting next to me. It wasn't something out of their control. The man could've closed up shop and the woman should've stopped by her hotel with her bags.."

You could have asked the man to move his legs out of your space and asked the women to move her bags out of your space.

A big pet peeve of mine is during the winter months when people throw their big jackets on to their chair and it leans over the back of it into my space and hits my knees. I politely ask them to move it since the seats are tight enough as it is. I'm 5'9 and average in weight but I'm more legs so I find a bunch of the theatres uncomfortable and I can't even imagine being taller in some of these seats. 

I also keep a list in my phone of where I sit in each theatre and how the leg room / view is so if I'm purchasing tickets that aren't through TDF I know where to avoid. 

 

 

Updated On: 4/26/18 at 02:08 PM

[GeorgeandDot]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 2:12pm

If the show were sold out, I would've asked the man to move his legs. I just saw it as an opportunity to upgrade lol. The woman, however, was confronted by the user and had already made a scene. I wasn't going to mess with her. I also just moved elsewhere.

[Miles2Go2]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 2:19pm

As a yo-yo dieter who has gone from being a portly child to a near anorexic young adult to (according to my BMI; 6’2”, 250 lbs) obese back to skinnyish back to my current overweight (229 lbs, about 30 pounds over my preferred weight) status, I think a little common sense is required. First, I am taking the OP at their word that he or she just wanted advice for the future in case this occurred again. I don’t know the OP so I’m taking him/her at their word. Second, as I posted earlier because I’m tall my problem is my long legs and my bad knees. In the circumstances where this was an issue, I did “suck it up” but it most certainly diminished my theater experience on those two occasions. Third, I don’t think it’s fair to label all obese people with a mental health diagnosis by way of attempting to defend overweight people. Fourth, obesity is a multi-faceted issue. Nutrition choices and activity levels are components. In some cases, there may be underlying issues that drive ongoing weight gain, but that’s not for me to diagnose. Everyone has certain genetic and psychological vulnerabilities. There is no doubt that food manufacturers spend lots of money to make food more “addictive.” People like me are more vulnerable to those efforts as well as the seemingly non-stop fast food advertisements. Hell, last night I was watching The Americans and they were eating pizza. After lowering my caloric intake this week, I got out of bed, threw on some clothes, and drove to Little Caesar’s and ordered a large cheese pizza. I ate the whole d**n thing. I’m trying to get closer to my goal weight before my 7-night June NYC trip. Hope I get there, but with all my upcoming work travel (I tend to make bad decisions when traveling) and temptations like last night, it’s gonna be hard. Fifth, I love my personal space. But I also value kindness. I’m lucky that because I’m tall, my extra weight gets distributed so I don’t take up more than my seat. Others aren’t so lucky in the height lottery. I prefer to not share my seat with others (unless it’s Channing Tatum then bring it on), but I also prefer to not sit next to a--holes. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, some of the posts on BWW make me glad that we spend most of our time at shows face forward silently watching the stage. Having said that, I’ve had some lovely conversations with people at the theater. If the OP’s scenario occurred to me, I’d hope I’d handle it with dignity and grace.

[greensgreens]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 3:51pm

I'm a pretty big guy (even though I HATE it), so I try to be as aware and courteous as possible when theatre going. But, I've spent whole shows with my arms crossed in uncomfortable positions (I have certainly "strained my biceps", checking every few minutes (and taking me out of the world of the play) to make sure my legs are as close together as they can go, and even buying more expensive tickets because I simply can't fold up enough to sit in the balcony at some theatres. I try my hardest to make life a little better for the people on either side of me so even if there is discomfort, hopefully it's minimized and my neighbors can see I'm trying to be courteous. So, sometimes people are doing what they can to accommodate without even being asked. And, sometimes, the best we can do is simply not enough to meet certain people's expectations.

Sounds like a lot of people here have cacomorphobia, more than they have actual difficulty with seating arrangements. I mean, if you expect 100% of your seat, do you also expect 100% of the armrest space on both sides? How on earth do you negotiate that?

[ErikJ972]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 3:56pm

Some posters in this thread sound so delicate I'm surprised they ever leave the house. Especially in a major metropolitin area.

I mean strained biceps from sitting next to a larger person?? God help you on the subway.

[JudyDenmark]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 4:02pm

ErikJ972 said: "Some posters inthis thread sound so delicate I'm surprised they ever leave the house. Especially in a major metropolitin area.

I mean strained biceps from sitting next to a larger person?? God help you on the subway."

I think it's a little funny that people keep comparing this to the subway. I take the subway every day. I've been wedged in many times, though I usually prefer to stand than be wedged, because of course it's uncomfortable and distracting. (Not that you don't also sometimes get uncomfortably wedged in while standing up in a crowded train.) But when I'm riding the subway I am not paying $200 to have a transcendent, (usually) one-time-only artistic experience... which is the entire point of this thread. It's apples and oranges.

[BWAY Baby2]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 4:06pm

There really is nothing you can do- same problem on airplanes- I hate it but it happens and there is nothing you can do about it.

[Miles2Go2]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 4:09pm

ErikJ972 said: "Some posters inthis thread sound so delicate I'm surprised they ever leave the house. Especially in a major metropolitin area.

I mean strained biceps from sitting next to a larger person?? God help you on the subway."

I think the OP was saying that he had the strained bicep prior to entering the theater, not that the seating situation caused it. But I take your point, there are are a lot of delicate flowers out there. On one side you have people (a vast minority, I would like to believe) offended by people who are overweight and would bar them from the theater and on the other side you have folks that are easily offended by anything they think even remotely sniffs of intolerance (regardless of whether it is actually intolerant). Both groups should be locked in a small confined space until they work it out. 

[ScottyDoesn'tKnow2]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 4:20pm

Miles2Go2 said: "ErikJ972 said: "Some posters inthis thread sound so delicate I'm surprised they ever leave the house. Especially in a major metropolitin area.

I mean strained biceps from sitting next to a larger person?? God help you on the subway."

I think the OP was saying thathe had the strained bicep prior to entering the theater, not that the seating situation caused it. But I take your point, there are are a lot of delicate flowers out there. On one side you have people (a vast minority, I would like to believe)offended by people who are overweight and would bar them from the theater and on the other side you have folks that are easily offended by anything they think even remotely sniffs of intolerance (regardless of whether it is actually intolerant). Both groups should be locked in a small confined space until they work it out."

Then we'll really get some sexual musk.

Updated On: 4/26/18 at 04:20 PM

[Cat Guy]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 4:22pm

At 71, I am a small guy (5' 7" and 125 lbs).  My husband is also 71 and has similar stats.  We adhere to a strict vegan diet.  We enjoy a vigorous exercise regimen.  We don't smoke tobacco, drink alcohol or use other drugs.  Even so, we each have had health issues (3 heart attacks for me, 1 for him).  For that reason, we really try to stay as fit and healthy as possible.  We realize, however, that others may not do the same (for whatever reason), and we try not to pass our judgment on them.  

Last year, in celebration of our 50th anniversary together, we saw the touring company production of "An American in Paris".  The seats were TINY.  When we arrived, a gentleman of considerable size was seated to my left.  This was the first time I've encountered this sort of situation.  We began to chat, and he apologized if he was taking up any of my space.  I told him not to worry; that I would just lean closer to my husband if necessary.  Throughout the time we sat together, he did what he could not to intrude.  He had as much entitlement to enjoy the show as did I.  We spoke again at intermission, and said "goodbye" as we left.  Would I have wished that I was a bit more comfortable in my seat?  Of course.  But in this case, just a little friendly chat helped keep it from being a completely unpleasant evening. 

 

[ScottyDoesn'tKnow2]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 4:34pm

Cat Guy said: "At 71, I am a small guy (5' 7" and 125 lbs). My husband is also 71 and has similar stats. We adhere to a strict vegan diet. We enjoy a vigorous exercise regimen. We don't smoke tobacco, drink alcohol or use other drugs. Even so, we each have had health issues (3 heart attacks for me, 1 for him). For that reason, we really try to stay as fit and healthy as possible. We realize, however, that others may not do the same (for whatever reason), and we try not to pass our judgment on them.

Last year, in celebration of our 50th anniversary together, we saw the touring company production of "An American in Paris". The seats were TINY. When we arrived, a gentleman of considerable size was seated to my left. This was the first time I've encountered this sort of situation. We began to chat, and he apologized if he was taking up any of my space. I told him not to worry; that I would just lean closer to my husband if necessary. Throughout the time we sat together, he did what he could not to intrude. He had as much entitlement to enjoy the show as did I. We spoke again at intermission, and said "goodbye" as we left. Would I have wished that I was a bit more comfortable in my seat? Of course. But in this case, just a little friendly chat helped keep it from being a completely unpleasant evening.

"

Thank you for sharing your experience and insight. This was the best post in this entire thread.

[BenjaminNicholas2]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 5:34pm

I'm trying to figure out the BMI of some of the posters in this thread.

I'm guessing we have some seriously unfit people here.

 

[LizzieCurry]

Posted: 4/26/18 at 5:53pm

BenjaminNicholas2, my god. Really?